How to be a Super Hero Written by "Doctor Metropolis", illustrated by Luis Boca Plume 210 pp. ISBN: 0-452-28575-5 Available from Powell's Books.

How to be a Super Hero is my latest in geek-cross-over finds for the masses. Obviously, "Doctor Metropolis"'s vigilante self-help manual will appeal to the "living in mom and dad's basement and spending your time bagging your 1980s DC comics" set, but it will also be really amusing to any non-geeks who found the film Mystery Men fun or find Kevin Smith's comic book trappings clever. The premise is that Doctor Metropolis, a "consultant to the superpowered community", has laid out a chapter-by-chapter guide to how to identify and foster your superpowers, as well as how to fit into the superpowered community. Section headings like "Getting to Know Your Superpower", "The Four Keys to a Successful Crimefighting Career", and "On the Other Hand, Maybe You're Evil" set the book's tone.

The gags in the first half of the book are built around the different types of superpowers (e.g. flight, psionics, and super-speed). While no direct references to "real" super heroes, meaning those trademarked by Marvel or DC Comics, are included, various archetypes are described that are probably juuuuust on the safe side of fair use. If any of the major comic book publishers were to sue "Doctor Metropolis", it would be a dirty shame. As Marvel is reportedly involved in a case against NCSoft, the creators of generic superhero video game City of Heroes, I wouldn't be surprised if someone somewhere in a law firm trademark office missed the book's gag and attempted to enter into proceedings... It's just that sort of truth-is-stranger-than-fiction world that How to Be a Super Hero lampoons. Nothing really better illustrates this concept than the chapter devoted entirely to finding and purchasing a secret headquarters in today's highly competitive real estate market.

I had feared that How to Be a Super Hero might have been a watered-down version of other men-in-tights lampoons, but packaged in an easy to digest mainstream form. Thankfully, "Doctor Metropolis" has done his research. Even if you don't get what are essentially nerdy in-jokes (the joke that a radioactive super dog's "poopy may be highly toxic" is a reference to Superman's dog, Krypto), the prose is so serious and soul-searching that it's hard not to get into the concept and laugh. One fairly lengthy chapter examines the hard decision of selecting an archenemy. Instead of merely providing a few goofy archetypes and suggestions of how to meet Mr. Right, "Doctor Metropolis" posits a world in which today's super heroes are really meeting their arch nemeses in online message boards akin to those that most of us have used (oh admit it!) to try to meet that special someone. He provides extensive notations about not just how to decode the postings, but also lengthy coaching as to what opening lines or descriptions will work best. Taking the gag even deeper into the unfathomable, "Doctor Metropolis" then provides suggestions of what to do when the fire has gone out, so that you and that special enemy can rekindle your flames... er...laser beams.

This notion of "what happens to the hero when the mask comes off?" is nothing new to nerds, but "Doctor Metropolis" has done it very well, with his tongue planted firmly in his cheek. If you get a kick out of this book and the idea behind it, I'd recommend that you also check out Dork Tower Press's new title, Dr. Blink - Super Hero Shrink. It's a comic book that documents a psychologist's attempts to cleanse the emotional wounds of those who try to save the world on a day-to-day basis. For those of you whose tastes run more toward the macabre, I'd recommend Alan Moore's Watchmen, which really was the first book to put a post-modern spin on super heroes. The collected soft cover of all 12 issues, published by DC Comics, documents the fear of an America under Nixon that has been "saved" by super heroes, who have now become pawns of Nixon's perpetual, fascist presidency. Its opening page that shows the death of one of the "heroes" has perhaps one of the most thought provoking lines in all of comicdom -- "Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?" -- the Latin scholar Seneca's concern over the rise in Roman power, "...(but) who will watch the watchmen?" Moore's book should be required reading in every classroom in America, especially in this age of No Child Left Behind.

It's tough to survive in this rough and tumble world of psychopaths bent on world destruction. No, I don't mean Al Qaida -- I mean the safer, saccharine wingnuts like Lex Luthor, who scared us when we were kids. That's where How To Be a Super Hero succeeds. It takes you out of the dystopian future we're living in and puts you back in the security of your footie pajamas, reading yellowed comics that you inherited from an older relative. I actually think the book might work on two levels -- one for the nostalgia lover in us all, another for any precocious kids in your family. I know that I would have thought of this book as a bible for how to achieve my goals when I was 12. And if I had a spandex suit nowadays, I might just give it a go. Up, up, and away!

-- Tyler M. Carey

Plume's identity is no secret -- it's a unit of Penguin.