Playing Right Field: A Jew Grows in Greenwich George Tabb Soft Skull 220 pp. ISBN: 1-932360-40-9 Available from Powell's Books.

Splendid: Hi George. This is the first ever punk bildungsroman I can ever remember reading: I think you've created a genre here. Was there anything in particular you did to prepare for this role in your life? Any recommendations for other young punks out there who'd rather turn to the written word, for reasons of ability as much as anything else, than the guitar?

George Tabb: Wow! Good Question, Jenn! Bildungsroman! What a word! Something to do with Roman poop, I suppose? Anyway -- I don't think you can prepare for anything in life, no matter how hard you try. It just sorta comes at you and you do what ya gotta do! Dance as fast as you can. But I think it's important to remember to have fun while doing that dance. Try disco. You know, like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Finger pointing in the air, moving your hips to the downbeat -- it tends to work. To answer your question, though, I kind of do feel that writing these days is much more punk rock than picking up a guitar. When little kids like my niece and nephew, wee ones, start telling me how they love Good Charlotte and Advil Levine or whatever her name is, and how "punk rock" they are, I figure it's time to do something their third grade minds can't do yet. Like write a book. That's at least fifth grade!

Splendid: Are there any more installments planned of young George Tabb's adventures?

George Tabb: Hopefully, yes. If this book does well (everyone, please buy it!) I'll be able to do more. I'm already figuring out my second and third books. I just hope I'm lucky and blessed enough to be able to put them out one day, like this one. My life, after this book, just got weirder and weirder! So let's keep our fingers crossed!

Splendid: How much of this material is true, and how much of it is fictionalised? If your dad really was this bad, it's a wonder he didn't get turned over to child protective services. Were there really that many beatings?

George Tabb: It's all true. Only some names in the book have been changed to protect, well, me. Those bullies. Who knows if they'll ever read the thing? And if they do, I don't really feel like getting beat up again by them! Plus, these days people have guns! About my dad....he was an evil prick, but you have to remember, during the time this book took place, there really wasn't a Child Protective Services. In fact, teachers were allowed to hit kids in school. I did threaten my dad with going to the police or a guidance counselor at school, but he told me if I did, he'd chop me to pieces with an ax while I slept. Hence the cover of the book, a reproduction of a picture I drew for the school shrink in second grade. They said, "Draw a picture of you and your mommy and daddy". That's what they got. Of course they called my father in, who, after the meeting, told me if I ever did anything like that again, he'd use a chainsaw to make the pain last longer. Nice guy. Also, I was always threatened with military school and my dad would tell me I'd end up in Vietnam where'd they'd make me a man or kill me. And either one was fine with him. So I really didn't know who I could turn to -- as you can read in the book. Of course, if this were today, and I was aware enough to know about CPS, I'd turn him in in a heartbeat. In all truth, though, I still dream about him every night. And how'd I'd like to kill him. It's all lovely, don't you think?

Splendid: Are you still close with your siblings? Did they follow career paths as influenced by the punk and DIY aesthetics as much as yours?

George Tabb: Pffffttt!!!! When I started with The Punk Rock, they thought I was nuts. Obviously, they didn't get it. It just made me more of a black sheep. But one with a black leather jacket. So I was a cool black sheep. My brothers took different career paths, and I am so proud of both of them. They are successful in their own fields -- and played the cards they were dealt very well. I still talk to both of them at least once a month. As for my step-sisters, they, I believe, never really got beyond my father's dogmatic rhetoric. Which is sad. There is so much beauty and greatness in the world. To hold the view my father did, and step-cunt still does, well, that's sad.

Splendid: How much do you attribute your punk musician/television program producer/writer career to your upbringing, and how much of it was the era in which you were brought up?

George Tabb: Hmmmmm. I actually do consider myself raised by Mr. C on Happy Days, Mama Partridge on The Partridge Family, Mike Brady, and of course The Skipper on Gilligan's Island. Oh, Aunt May from Spider-man, too. Once I realized my dad and his new wife were totally loony, I had to find role models somewhere, and these were the closest ones. Besides Nick, my step-father, and my Mom, of course -- which is all written about in the book! When I first heard punk rock I was like "Whoa -- this is the best thing I've ever heard", and it still steers my life today. Punk, to me, especially The Ramones, was about Family. A Happy Family. One I never had. But we'll get to that....in the next book I hope!

Splendid: I have a Jewish friend from Queens who does "George and Muffy the Presbyterians at the Country Club" routine every time he talks about the town in Connecticut where he just moved. He says that most Connecticutters are whitebread Christians who can't imagine an alternate reality. Do you think you'd have followed the same path if you'd grown up anywhere besides Greenwich, Connecticut? Would you have experienced the same amount of prejudice, or do you think it was worse there? Do you think those experiences made you more creative?

George Tabb: Does your friend keep a still jaw when he does his impressions? I think Greenwich totally helped make me what I am today. That, and my dad. With all that hate, I'm thinking I'm lucky I'm not a serial killer. Then again, we can all hate our pasts, and most of us can learn from it so we don't repeat it. I think that's the key. No matter how bad things are, we can all do positive things in the world. And we should. That's why humanity is. As far as the creative part goes...I think I owe that to my mom. Her side of the family was always a bit wacky. Which is very cool. My mom actually wrote a song for The Village People years ago. They never played it, but loved it. Now that is punk rock!

Splendid: Where's the first place you lived after Greenwich? Did it feel like an escape -- or was it a planned escape?

George Tabb: You're getting into second book territory now. Tallahassee, Florida. If Greenwich was bad, Tallahassee was out of this world. Really!

Splendid: Do you still live in Arizona now? Has that experience provided any new material for books?

George Tabb: You betcha. I've been outta New York for about a year now, and this place is great! It's still 1978! Same songs on the radio. Same mullets. And the same cheerleaders. It brings back such mammaries. Um, errr, memories. Actually, there are lots of smart people here...and I'm finding a lot of lost people come to the desert to find themselves. I think that's what I'm doing. Oh, and getting a nice tan at the same time.

Splendid: What book most influenced you as a kid? What book or which writer most influences you most as a writer?

George Tabb: I'd have to say The Catcher In The Rye. Typical, yes, but it's true. That and Lord Of The Flies. Then it was on to Clive Barker books, Stephan King's The Stand, and Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy books. Anger, horror, and most of all, humor!

Splendid: You moved to Arizona after 9/11, so that had to be the end of Destroy Television. Have you ever thought of returning to TV as a creative medium? You've also acted in movies, reviewed video games, written this book, written on the staff of several music and lifestyle magazines, written freelance for a slew of others, run your own bands (multiples: Furious George, False Prophets, Letch Patrol, The Gynecologists, Iron Prostate), written their songs... it's a hard call for admirers to clap or fall over in contact exhaustion. Are there any creative fronts you haven't explored yet that interest you?

George Tabb: First of all, thanks so much for the kind words. It all sounds like a lot on paper (or computer), but it's just life. You create as you go along. To me, I've not done nearly enough. There are always things that interest me. I still wish I became a cop, so I could catch murderers and stuff. I'd be a great detective, just like Lenny Brisco. Then again, I've always wanted to run a huge corporation, and funnel all the money into the arts and helping others out. I think creative fronts can be anything from Doctor, to Lawyer to Indian Chief. It's just how you do it. Oh, I also want to be an astronaut. Fly a space ship, you know, like on Star Trek. That's my one true dream I'd really like to see come true. Yes, I'm nuts.

Splendid: Jägermeister and Bud is a drink combination I'd never thought to make. In my experience nothing combines well with Jäg, and the only place to drink Jäg is on your knees, because you'll be there soon anyway. Got any drink combinations you would earnestly recommend?

George Tabb: Fuckin Jägermeister. Mint vomit in a bottle. Yeah, it fucks you up fast...but you pay. Now tequila -- there's a real punk's drink. And you can't mix it with anything else. Just drink it straight...and maybe, just maybe, after a couple of shots, you can down a beer. The stuff makes me all wound up and yelling and funny and stuff, and I love it. Of course, for the next two days, I swear to myself never to drink it again. Jägermeister on your knees...never thought of it that way. Good idea!

Splendid: My goal isn't to nauseate you, but it wouldn't be a punk interview if I didn't ask a political question. Did you ever get back to watching the 9/11 hearings? Have you read any of the web site http://www.9-11commission.gov/ ?

George Tabb: Yeah...I'm still reading that stuff and getting angry. I still talk to lawyers involved in the whole thing and try to help out as much as possible. It is a fucking disgrace what The Bush White House did in covering up the environmental issues surrounding the twin tower attacks. It makes me so angry I actually need medication. But I'll still fight for NYC's right for clean air, and the right for everyone to survive. I can't help it. Even if it kills me. But the news every day just gets worse. The one thing I'd really like to point out is how the fire-fighters, New York's Bravest, are being fucked the most. These guys died and risked their lives for their fellow human beings, and now they can't even get health care? They make a statue of them and can't help feed their kids? The fucking shame. It's beyond despicable.

Splendid: Do you have any predictions about the election? What will you do, depending on the outcome? A friend of mine is waiting to see what happens before she decides whether or not to move back to the States. I've applied for a job out of the country, hoping that by the time the job comes to an end things will be a bit better back here (the job lasts three years). Or do you think it's better to stay and slog it out? Do you think this tense political environment at least has the benefit of fostering better creativity (I'm thinking of late '70s, early '80s Britain here)?

George Tabb: This is the worst time in American history I think we've ever had. This war is a joke -- we are going after the wrong people, and the President is a fascist without the bad mustache. But you know what? Maybe Americans want that. Like Devo said, "Freedom of choice is what you want, Freedom from choice is what you really want!" I'm not thinking of leaving this great country because some scumbag subverts the constitution, I'm thinking it's time to take our country back. Vote against Bush. I'm not sure Kerry is a lot better -- that whole "Skull & Bones" shit fratboy mentality scares the living hell out of me, but it's got to be better than what we have now. Last night I had this great idea -- the Democrats should change their name to "The Conservatives" and then start calling the Republicans "Evil Liberals". Since Bush has made this a semantic election, anyway, why not turn the tables on the administration? Could you imagine? What could Bush say? "The Conservatives are evil?" Ha! And dumb people will vote "conservative" just because it says that word!

Splendid: What advice would you give to a creative kid?

George Tabb: Don't keep your day job for too long. It may lead to a career. And if it's something that is not letting you be you, then you'll regret it forever. I suggest everyone should make their own fanzines, make their own art. Experiment with life. You only get to go around once....so try everything. See what you like and don't like. In the immortal words of Dr. Frank-N-Furter, "Don't Dream It, Be It!"

Splendid: Your book reads like you were just kicking back and telling stories to friends over beer, and the conversational tone is one of my favorite things about it. What did you like most about writing the book? How many drafts did you write?

George Tabb: That's exactly how I want the book to come off. Thank you! Right on! I think reading should be fun, not just something you do in school. As far as drafts, there were plenty. Bud, Rolling Rock, Fosters, Molsons...oh, book -- not beer. Lots. Too many. But not enough. I want it to be right!

-- Jenn Sikes

Soft Skull Press is fearless, progressive, punk-rock/hip-hop literature. Based in New York City's Lower East Side, they publish the history, pop culture studies, art, poetry and fiction that fuel the vanguard.