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Various religions suggest that there's a "special" hell for certain sins (hurting children, being cruel to animals, using the word "blog" as a verb,etc). Who else needs a "special" hell?
Adam Michael: I think that the creators of reality television programs need a
"special" hell where they would be forced to watch static on
television for eternity for their crimes against the general public.
Due to poor financial planning, you've got to eat for an entire week on only US$10. What do you buy, food-wise?
Adam Michael: A bottle of wine and some ramen noodles.
What's the biggest misconception that people have about you?
Adam Michael: That I am actually cool and interesting to listen to... obviously.
What's the worst injury you've ever suffered for your art (i.e. second degree burns from shorted-out mic, broken leg from failed stage dive)? Tell us about it.
Adam Michael: Broken ankle from jumping off an amp, or the less glorious shutting my
finger in the van door.
You've got unlimited funding and technical expertise to make an IMAX movie on the topic of your choice. What do you choose? Describe the obligatory vertigo-inducing camera shot that makes the entire audience clutch their stomachs.
Adam Michael: I would spend millions doing a documentary on the creation and many
uses of the stapler. The gut wrenching shot would be of someone
stapling their eyelids closed.
You've locked your car keys inside the tour van and don't have AAA. How do you get the door open?
Adam Michael: We have a special hole in our van that you can stick your finger into
and it unlocks the door. Thanks to the guys who drilled the whole in
our door and robbed us. Now we will never be locked out!
Ever find useful stuff in the garbage? Describe your best-ever dumpster find and how you used it.
Adam Michael: I found bread in a dumpster once and ate it. It was good but a
little soggy.
In the UK, trying to kill the Queen is still technically a capital offence. If the Queen tried to commit suicide and failed, could she be sentenced to death? Explain.
Adam Michael: Well, it depends on how she tried to commit the act. If she took a
toaster bath but unplugged it while throwing said toaster in the tub,
then no. However, if she slit her wrists in the tub and then tried to
throw the toaster in, then possibly. The better question is, who
would try to arrest her and why would the Queen of England want to
kill herself?
If you were a 50ft high Tyrannosaurus Rex, would you use your powers for good or evil? Who would you go after first?
Adam Michael: I would use them for both good and evil... I can never make up my
mind. I would go after all my ex-girlfriends first!
You've decided to write a musical. What's it about and who's the star?
Adam Michael: It's about how being in a band is lame and how being broke is lame and
how sometimes I want to hit my head until I can't see anything but
black any more... starring Brad Pitt, of course.
What's your favorite board game? Why do you like it?
Adam Michael: Chess... It's a fun and easy game for the whole family.
Everyone likes at least one cheesy/crappy song that totally kills their cred. What's yours?
Adam Michael: "Toxic" by Britney Spears.
The standard touring vehicle is always a beat-up van. What has been the worst/weirdest method of conveyance you've had to use on a tour?
Adam Michael: Once I had to ride on the back of a snake to get to one of our shows.
The ride was okay but my gear kept sliding off... damn snakeskin.
What was the best meal you were supplied by a tour venue? What was the worst?
Adam Michael: The best meal I ever had at a venue was a case of beer and vegan
lasagna. The worst meal would have to be generic chips and salsa or
no meal at all!
Will it ever truly be possible to "rock the vote", or will apathy, indifference and laziness always triumph over activism?
Adam Michael: I think so... or do I?
You discover a new disease, "(Your name here)'s Syndrome". What are its symptoms? What is the cure for "(Your name here)'s Syndrome"?
Adam Michael: The name is Adam Michael Syndrome. The symptoms are being poor not
showering and not sleeping or eating. The cure would be to drink
lots of alcohol until it didn't matter to you anymore.
You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about. What would you like to cry about?
Adam Michael: Pollution... Very sad!
If you could watch one historical event re-enacted by a cast of chimpanzees, which one would it be, and why?
Adam Michael: The bombing of Pearl Harbor. I would love to see kamikaze chimps.
What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen (and don't choose one of your own)?
Adam Michael: Probably the one on someone's ass that says "your name".
How long after an unopened gallon of milk's "use-by" date has passed would you be willing to use it?
Adam Michael: Depends on what I would be using it for.
What is the most unusual item you've thrown up on/in?
Adam Michael: I misread the question -- I thought it said "What is the most unusual
item I've thrown up". That would be a crayon. I threw up in a
hope chest once, on my sister's clothes -- that was unusual.
Do you prefer the term "underwear" or "underpants"? What does that say about you?
Adam Michael: I prefer the term skivvies. It doesn't say much about me, apparently.
You've been asked to submit an anecdote or "tip" to a book called Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned On Tour With My Band. What do you tell them?
Adam Michael: STAY IN SCHOOL!
What basic freedoms are you prepared to give up in exchange for your and your family's safety?
Adam Michael: Probably basic cable or my computer, which still has dialup.
Due to a breakthrough in technology, it's possible to learn any skill, no matter how complex, pretty much instantly, by uploading the information directly into your brain (yes, like in The Matrix). Unfortunately, you can only do it once. What skill would you learn, and why?
Adam Michael: I would learn martial arts so I could beat up Keanu Reeves.
Not to be morbid, but let's assume that (a) you've died, and (b) you filled out an organ donor card and potential recipients are lining up. Which part of your body do you think will be most sought-after? Are there any bits no-one will want?
Adam Michael: The part most people will want is my superior brain. As you may or
may not have noticed, my brain is about three times the size of a normal
human's and capable of functioning at a level higher than most others.
I don't think anyone will want my lungs or liver since they are both
pretty much dried up.
A long-lost possession has turned up on Ebay, and you're prepared to pay much more than it's worth just to finally get it back. What is it? Why is it worth so much to you?
Adam Michael: My baby blanket. Cuz it's mine and you know it's mine so just give it
back now!
You've been given the resources and financial backing to create a new satellite TV network that caters specifically to your tastes and the tastes of people like you. What's it called, and what does it show?
Adam Michael: It's called Chimp TV and it shows re-enactments of historical events
done by chimpanzees.
There are literally hundreds of euphemisms for masturbation. What's the best one you've heard?
Adam Michael: What's masturbation?
Which is worse: downloading an album and burning copies for five friends, or shoplifting one physical copy of the same CD from an overpriced national retailer? Explain your answer.
Adam Michael: Shoplifting is a crime, whereas sharing music with others is not.
Music was made to be heard, not sold.
A few years ago, anal sex was still taboo; nowadays it's trendy. What will be the next major sexual taboo to fall?
Adam Michael: Aural Sex. That's right, Ear Sex!
What, in your opinion, is the best book ever written? And why?
Adam Michael: The Bible. It's so captivating, but the ending blows!
The USA needs a universal healthcare system. So far, no President has gotten anywhere near implementing one. Why do you think they keep failing? (Bonus: Outline your own plan for universal healthcare in 100 words or less.)
Adam Michael: They keep failing because they don't actually want to implement one.
If they did, we would have one -- and also, if we did, they would lose tons
of money. My universal healthcare plan would be to just give everyone
who is a citizen healthcare. That easy.
Right this very second, what are you most looking forward to, and why
Adam Michael: Eating, cuz I'm hungry.
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Action Action are about to go out on tour in support of Don't Cut Your Fabric to This Year's Fashion, and will be on the road throughout June and July.
-- George Zahora
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