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You've been given a robot that can be trained to perform one standardized task perfectly, as often as necessary. What do you train it to do?
Beau-Beau: I think I would make it do my standard task job so I wouldn't have to work when I was home from tour.
You are seriously ill. There are two vaccines that will save your life, but both have side effects: one will permanently eliminate your sense of taste, and the other will permanently eliminate all feeling in your genitals. Which vaccine would you choose?
Beau-Beau: What? Are you fucking kidding me? Who needs to know what mac and cheese tastes like anymore?
Somehow you've gotten into a fight with someone twice your size. Where do you aim the first punch?
Beau-Beau: Nose, throat or nuts...and like this never happens to me? I'm small.
The "fast-forward" and "skip" buttons on all your stereo equipment are broken, and you can't afford to repair them right now. For the time being, you can only listen to albums from beginning to end, without skipping any songs. What albums in your collection are still listenable?
Beau-Beau: Almost all of them 'cause I'm a snob and only buy shit I like all the way thru, or at least can block them out for three minutes at a time.
If given the perfect opportunity to be unjust, would a just person succumb to it?
Beau-Beau: Huh?
You've been asked to write the Encyclopedia Britannica entry on yourself. What does it say?
Beau-Beau: It doesn't say anything 'cause I don't want anyone to know what I am/do.
You've somehow been given the chance to spend the day with a character (not an actor) from any film or television program. Who do you choose?
Beau-Beau: Rooster Cogburn (John Wayne), 'cause the Duke just fuckin' rocks.
If you could instantly learn to play one instrument that you don't currently play, what would it be?
Beau-Beau: The harmonica, so I could be in a blues band.
The people of the town where you were born want to name a building after you. They've asked you to choose the sort of building that best matches your personality. What kind of building do you choose?
Beau-Beau: A strip mall, 'cause that's where I hung out all my teenage years.
What month of the year do you least anticipate? Why?
Beau-Beau: February 'cause of Valentine's Day -- I think they should just call it suck up to your girlfriend or boyfriend day.
What animal would you most like to house in your back yard, if you could?
Beau-Beau: None.
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Beau-Beau: In a band but a cheerleader? Who thinks they want to be the Flavor Flav of a punk band?
If you could buy any rare collection in the world, which collection would you choose? (This doesn't have to be a famous collection...but it can be.)
Beau-Beau: Any collection that I could sit on for a few years then sell for more money later.
What's the best advice you've ever received? Who gave it to you?
Beau-Beau: "You're a punk? Be normal -- your parents will be even more freaked out." Steve Covert gave it to me when I was 13 years old and I've hated him ever since!
You've been invited to perform as the middle act in a three-act bill. You get to choose the other two artists. Who opens for you, and who follows you?
Beau-Beau: Youth Brigade (around the time of the movie), us, then Minor Threat. Fuck, I would pay to be on that show.
You've been placed in the Witness Protection Program, and must change your name. You're able to pick your new name. What do you call yourself?
Beau-Beau: John Wayne for sure!
What lesson should the world learn from the failure of all those dotcom businesses?
Beau-Beau: There is some shit that the world doesn't need.
What steps should airlines take to help avoid a repeat of the September 11th tragedy?
Beau-Beau: I dunno.
What is the greatest invention of the last ten years?
Beau-Beau: Really comfy running shoes.
What toy from your childhood would you most like to track down now?
Beau-Beau: My rocks and sticks I played with?
Assuming that money, legality, etc. is no object, what is your intoxicant of choice?
Beau-Beau: Beer.
Which is more dangerous in the wrong hands -- guns or knowledge?
Beau-Beau: Guns, 'cause a dumb man can kill a smart man faster then the smart man can tell him why it would be a bad idea.
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As you read this, AVAIL are on their way to Brazil for a week of shows. That's the most interesting thing we can think of to say about them. AVAIL, that is. Not Brazil.
-- George Zahora
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