John Moore: Opened fire on the customers and staff with an assault rifle, spraying AK47 rounds until being bought down by a swat team... I was never prosecuted. The restauraunt wanted to avoid bad publicity.

IF YOU COULD ELECT A MUSICIAN AS PRESIDENT OF THE U.S. (OR LEADER OF YOUR HOME COUNTRY), WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

JM: Chuck Berry, for his keen interest in feminine hygiene and his ability to Duckwalk.

HAVE YOU EVER SHOPLIFTED? WHAT DID YOU TAKE AND WHY?

JM: In my country nobody shoplifts. Theft is punished with hand amputation. We are a nation of shopkeepers, not shoplifters.

WHICH IS MORE EXCITING WITH A MEMBER OF WHICHEVER SEX YOU "GO FOR": A CLOSE GAME OF TWISTER OR AN INTENSE GAME OF SCRABBLE?

JM: Funnily enough, I bought a Twister Set at Christmas with the dubious intention of incorporating it into my hedonist drug soirees, perhaps even encouraging a mixed doubles strip Twister as the evening wore on. Come December 24th I realised I was one family gift short and was forced to give it away and abandon my foul plan. Subsequently, My Christmas afternoon involved playing it with my niece, sister and even mother. Although my family might be quite dysfunctional we ain't no hillbillies. Take my advice...it's not as much fun as it looks. Strip scabble might be worth investigation but don't be gettin' no educated people in.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FORM OF EXERCISE?

JM: I am of the opinion that my stomach is a muscle and that filling it with all kinds of food and wine is the best form of exercise. Ladies like love handles whatever style magazines might have you believe. Look at some of the ugly devils that supermodels go out with...they don't like people better looking than them. Incidently, I am the Sports Editor of 'The Idler' magazine whose website is www.idler.com or something vaguely similar.

WHAT DID YOU DO FOR THE MILLENNIUM?

JM: I was working at the dome as an acrobat...you probably saw me on TV..I was the one doing the mid-air dance with that woman. I was also doubling up behind the bar because they were short of staff.

NAME THREE SITUATIONS THAT WOULD BE MUCH FUNNIER WITH THE ADDITION OF MONKEYS.

JM: A Beatles reunion. A vivisection laboratory. Black Box Recorder.

IF YOU COULD ISSUE ONE ALBUM OR ONE BOOK TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD ON THEIR THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY, WHAT WOULD THE ALBUM/BOOK BE?

JM: If I could answer that, I'd be running Time Warner

WHERE WOULD YOU RATHER PLAY: A CLUB THAT GIVES YOU LOTS OF GREAT FREE FOOD BUT HAS HORRIBLE BATHROOMS, OR A CLUB THAT DOESN'T FEED YOU BUT HAS HOT SHOWERS AND BIG FLUFFY TOWELS?

JM: Depends on whether Chuck Berry owned it or not.

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE SHOPPING ONLINE? IF SO, WHAT DO YOU BUY?

JM: I have recently purchased a tent online. It hasn't arrived yet but my credit card has been billed for £4,000.

WHAT WAS THE WORST INVENTION OF THE 20TH CENTURY?

JM: Christianity.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH KIDS TODAY ANYWAY?

JM: It's against the law in most countries.

IS A FEMALE PRESIDENT THE ANSWER TO AMERICA'S PROBLEMS?

JM: I wasn't aware that America was experiencing any problems.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT CELLULAR PHONES? LIKE THEM? HATE THEM? GRUDGINGLY APPRECIATE THEM? WHAT? WHAT, DAMMIT?!

JM: I recently gave in...they are quite useful for feeling self important. I got phoned while I was in a shop today. I could feel people's admiration towards me as I made extravagant social plans... I was in with the in crowd.

TELL US ABOUT YOUR PETS. IF YOU HAVE NO PETS, MAKE ONE UP.

JM: I keep Mud Skippers.

NAME AN OBJECT YOU OWN THAT HAS LITTLE MONETARY VALUE, BUT THAT YOU WOULDN'T SELL FOR A MILLION DOLLARS.

JM: My Old Ma.

WHAT'S HARDER: PLAYING SOLO FOR AN AUDIENCE OF 1000 FOR AN HOUR, OR GIVING A 30-MINUTE SPEECH TO THE SAME AUDIENCE?

JM: With our gigs, they'd be hard pushed to tell the difference.

IF YOU HAD TO BE TRAPPED IN A TV SHOW FOR A MONTH, WHAT SHOW WOULD YOU CHOOSE? AND WHY?

JM: I'd be trapped inside Friends. I would bump them off one by one in the sickest most sadistic ways imaginable. Then I'd channel hop through all the daytime talk shows anhiliating the hosts and audiences before moving to the coffee house in Frasier where I'd drop cyanide chrystals in the decaffe lattes. Having changed my identity enough to evade America's Most Wanted, I'd end up at Baywatch and perform a Tommy Lee style act on Pamela Anderson.

WHAT IS THE FUNNIEST LOOKING ANIMAL?

JM: The Mud Skipper. It's a kind of fish. These have to be seen to be believed. If people reading this site do one thing today, log on to a wildlife site and look at mud skippers.

IF YOU COULD HAVE THE "ORIGINAL" OF ANYTHING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

JM: The Original DNA. I'd smoke it.

NAME A COMMERCIAL JINGLE THAT, FOR YOU, WAS CATCHIER THAN MOST POP SONGS.

JM: The Pack'a'Sack Song. It's a supermarket chain in Louisiana that my friend used to sing to me...like a rap. "Hey Joe whatta you know...I just got back from a packa Sack sto".

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?

JM: It usually differs.

WHAT IS THE MOST FASCINATING SMELL?

JM: Teen Spirit.

IF YOU KNEW THAT BY NEVER LISTENING TO LOUD MUSIC AGAIN YOU'D ADD TEN YEARS TO YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU DO IT?

JM: Ask me when I need ten more years... It depends whats still working.

WHAT KIND OF PERSON WEARS THONG UNDERWEAR?

JM: My favourite kind.

IF YOU HAD TO GIVE UP ONE SENSE (SIGHT/SMELL/TOUCH/TASTE/HEARING), WHICH ONE COULD YOU MOST READILY DO WITHOUT?

JM: This is in very poor taste. I am already doing without any of them.

Formerly of the Jesus and Mary Chain and the Expressway, John Moore is now a co-pilot in Black Box Recorder. Their second album is due in May.