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You've been given a robot that can be trained to perform one standardized task perfectly, as often as necessary. What do you train it to do?
Zac Damon: Panhandle.
You are seriously ill. There are two vaccines that will save your life, but both have side effects: one will permanently eliminate your sense of taste, and the other will permanently eliminate all feeling in your genitals. Which vaccine would you choose?
Zac Damon: I would choose the vaccine that eliminated my sense of taste. I could stand to lose a few pounds anyway.
Somehow you've gotten into a fight with someone twice your size. Where do you aim the first punch?
Zac Damon: Assuming this person is male, I would aim for his nuts.
The "fast-forward" and "skip" buttons on all your stereo equipment are broken, and you can't afford to repair them right now. For the time being, you can only listen to albums from beginning to end, without skipping any songs. What albums in your collection are still listenable?
Zac Damon: Way too many to mention all of them right now but here are a few: Oh, Inverted World by the Shins, Hit after Hit by the Briefs, every Beatles album, Alien Lanes by Guided by Voices, Happy Birthday to Me by the Muffs, Highway to Hell by AC/DC, From Here to Infirmary by the Alkaline Trio, Mezcal Head by Swervedriver, Goodbye Dr. Fate by Trusty, The Who Sell Out by the Who, Snap! (compilation) by the Jam, Dear You by Jawbreaker, Circa Now by Rocket from the Crypt, the self-titled LP by Scared of Chaka, Ready, Steady, Smash by the Gain and A Series of Sneaks by Spoon, to name just a few. I could go on forever.
If given the perfect opportunity to be unjust, would a just person succumb to it?
Zac Damon: This is a pretty vague question. It would depend on the circumstances and the person.
You've been asked to write the Encyclopedia Britannica entry on
yourself. What does it say?
Zac Damon: Good guy. Relies on luck too much and has a hard time staying in one place.
You've somehow been given the chance to spend the day with a character (not an actor) from any film or television program. Who do you choose?
Zac Damon: H.I. McDonnough from Raising Arizona.
If you could instantly learn to play one instrument that you don't
currently play, what would it be?
Zac Damon: Piano.
The people of the town where you were born want to name a building after you. They've asked you to choose the sort of building that best matches your personality. What kind of building do you choose?
Zac Damon: A perfectly square, plain, painted brick building with very few windows and glass doors. You know, like a state government agency's building. Just kidding. I'd probably want it to be an old style building in a cool old part of town. A building just the right size and with enough character for a really great bar or something like that, where good people would want to hang out.
What month of the year do you least anticipate? Why?
Zac Damon: August. I don't like hot weather.
What animal would you most like to house in your back yard, if you
could?
Zac Damon: Dogs, and I do.
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Zac Damon: A rock star.
If you could buy any rare collection in the world, which collection would you choose? (This doesn't have to be a famous collection...but it can be.)
Zac Damon: A left-handed guitar collection, the biggest one I can find.
What's the best advice you've ever received? Who gave it to you?
Zac Damon: I'm sure I've gotten some really good advice over the years but I can't seem to remember any of it right now.
You've been invited to perform as the middle act in a three-act bill. You get to choose the other two artists. Who opens for you, and who follows you?
Zac Damon: Podstar would open and the Foo Fighters would headline.
You've been placed in the Witness Protection Program, and must change your name. You're able to pick your new name. What do you call yourself?
Zac Damon: Hugh G. Rection.
What lesson should the world learn from the failure of all those dotcom businesses?
Zac Damon: Not every dipshit was meant to be a self-employed millionaire.
What steps should airlines take to help avoid a repeat of the September 11th tragedy?
Zac Damon: I think the better question would be what steps should the American government take to help avoid a repeat of the September 11th tragedy? And the answer isn't war.
What is the greatest invention of the last ten years?
Zac Damon: I don't know and I don't care.
Thanks to a breakthrough in technology, you can have a perfect memory-recording of one event in your life. Everything is included --taste, smell, sound, vision and feeling; it basically means that you can relive the event over and over again. What event would you want to relive?
Zac Damon: The first time I experienced the feeling of being in love.
What toy from your childhood would you most like to track down now?
Zac Damon: Those Japanese toys in the early seventies, I think they were called Shogun Warriors or something like that. They were plastic robots that shot their fingers and fists, and shot missiles out of their chests, etc. They were probably about a foot and a half tall or so and really cool.
Assuming that money, legality, etc. is no object, what is your intoxicant of choice?
Zac Damon: I hate to be boring, but alcohol.
Which is more dangerous in the wrong hands -- guns or knowledge?
Zac Damon: Another really vague question. Assuming that "knowledge" means enlightenment, I would have to say guns because someone who is enlightened would not be dangerous.
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Bio Highlights: Armed with dive-bombing whoo yeah yeah choruses, twin-blazing bubble gum and barbed wire guitars, smash pop attack drumming, smart bass, and the ghost of the clean-shaven Elvis Costello as bombardier, Big In Japan is as surprising and effective as the attack on Pearl Harbor. Their aim is incredibly true.
None of them have been to Japan.
Zac was in Screeching Weasel for a while.
-- George Zahora
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