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What band did you listen to most during the eighties? Do you still like them?
Tony Carbone: The Smiths. Yes.
You're about to -- ahem -- get lucky. What album is playing in the background? Why'd you choose it?
Tony Carbone: Rolled Gold by The Action. Starts off mellow and picks up as the album
progresses. (And it's a great album!)
What was the first thing you ever shoplifted? Why did you take it?
Tony Carbone: One of the tiny guns for a Star Wars figure. Why do you think? I
lost mine.
If you could beat up anyone in the world and get away without the usual annoying real-world consequences -- jail time, lawsuits, bad press, etc. --who would it be, and why?
Tony Carbone: My old boss. I wouldn't beat her up -- just throw tomatoes at her. And
eggs too.
What's the biggest risk you've ever taken? Why did you take it?
Tony Carbone: I ran with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain because I was young and
stupid. I would do it again, though.
It's better to regret something you have done than it is to regret something you haven't done. What do you regret doing (other than agreeing to answer these questions)? Why did you do it?
Tony Carbone: I regret too many things to pick just one. Here's something I regret
not doing -- asking Marisa Tomei out when I saw her at the Pasadena Rose Bowl.
I should've devised a plan for her to trip me or something and then as she
bent down to ask if I was alright I could've played "disoriented" and kissed
her or something. I'll kick myself for eternity.
Did you go to your high school prom? If so, who did you go with?
Tony Carbone: I went with a freshman.
What movie would you recommend to absolutely anyone? Why?
Tony Carbone: Rushmore. I actually do this to see if someone is worthy. If they
don't like it I try to get rid of them as soon as possible. It's my all-time favorite movie.
For reasons we won't bother going into right now, you're going to be locked in the back of a truck for a sixteen hour drive between gigs. If you could have any musician, past or present, back there to keep you company, who would it be?
Tony Carbone: Carl Wilson, just because he was such a cool guy.
What is your strongest, most unshakeable belief?
Tony Carbone: That I will grow my hair back.
What's the worst band you've ever heard? Why do they suck?
Tony Carbone: Way too many. Worst live show was Sebadoh at the Palace when they
played with The Flaming Lips. It was like a dying fish.
If you were a porn star, what would your "porn name" be?
Tony Carbone: The Banana.
You're on your way to a show, and all of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of a huge four-way battle between pirates, ninjas, robots and intelligent apes from the future. Your only hope of getting to your gig is to pick a side. Who do you join, and why?
Tony Carbone: That's the best question I've ever heard! The pirates and apes
don't stand a chance. Ninjas just walk everywhere so how could they drive me
to the show? I suppose the robots would be the logical choice. I'd rather
hang out with apes though. Marky Mark was so lucky!
If you could sponsor any beverage -- appear in their ads, receive a lifetime supply and never be seen drinking a competing product -- what beverage would it be?
Tony Carbone: Diet Mountain Dew.
What's the best venue you've ever played? What's the worst? Why?
Tony Carbone: This place in Japan, can't remember the name. The worst was/is and
always will be Kooz Cafe in Santa Ana, but everyone has to play there. It's a rite
of passage.
What's wrong with Rolling Stone these days?
Tony Carbone: What's not wrong with Rolling Stone?
Why are frogs amusing?
Tony Carbone: I love frogs and they are amusing. I just put some in my koi pond.
I think anything with long legs is always amusing -- giraffes, Daryl Hannah, etc.
You've traveled back in time and met yourself, age sixteen. What do you think?
Tony Carbone: That would be the biggest bum-out ever. I don't even want to think
of it.
Which would be worse: three hours on a bus full of four year-olds, or three hours on a bus full of eighty year-olds? Why?
Tony Carbone: Going on field trips with fourth graders!
The US government is considering far more aggressive regulation of leather pants. Under the new rules, who should or shouldn't be allowed to wear them?
Tony Carbone: Only people who have good enough bodies. The problem is that the
people who wear them are never the people who should wear them. Nobody with
a mullet should be allowed. Anyone over 40, unless you're Cher or someone
with major liposuction, is banned too. There should definitely be a
commission on this, though.
What, in your opinion, is the best porn?
Tony Carbone: The ones about limo drivers.
Will the next Star Wars movie suck? Why or why not?
Tony Carbone: Yes, because George Lucas is an idiot.
How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?
Tony Carbone: 17.
What topics or statements would inspire you to call in to a talk radio program?
Tony Carbone: Genocide of midget lesbian circus jugglers in Romania.
What album(s) should everyone be given on their eighteenth birthday?
Tony Carbone: Espresso 2222 by Gilberto Gil.
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California collective Bikeride's latest album, Morning Macumba, is quite good.
-- George Zahora
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