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You can choose to have one -- and only one -- super power. Other than gaining that power, you remain exactly the same as you are now. What super power would you pick, and why?
Joel Hamilton: The ability to make money shoot out of my ass, so I could fund projects I
deem worthy, and have them done right, along with all my pals' endeavors. It
takes money to make great things happen. So many great artists would have
been heard by more people if they were properly backed by someone with
money.
What was your favorite day job, and why? If you hated them all, what was the best (meaning most interesting) way you ever quit a job?
Joel Hamilton: I always kinda faded out of any jobs I had other than music. Music was the
only thing I really stuck to.
We've all heard variations on the phrase "there are two kinds of people in the world... Those who (do or think something) and those who (do or think something else)". What are the two kinds of people in the world for you?
Joel Hamilton: People who get it and people who don't.
If money/ambition/significant others/et cetera were all non-issues, where would you choose to live and why?
Joel Hamilton: New York City, because it is my favorite place in the world, and my home,
and it has elements of all the other places I have been in the world.
You've been given the money and resources to produce a movie biography of the most significant, influential person in your life. Who's it about, what's the story, and who plays the central character?
Joel Hamilton: I would make a movie about Nikola Tesla, the inventor. It would be a story
of an eccentric genius who gave his inventions to the world, and was way
ahead of his time, and died penniless... in debt actually. Amazing person. I
think I would have Daniel Day Lewis play him in a sort of Gangs Of New
York-type character. Make him tough, but totally out to lunch.
Summarize your driving ability in 25 words or less.
Joel Hamilton: I haven't had a license in eight years.
What is the function of your music in a capitalist society?
Joel Hamilton: To keep the hope alive in the underground.
You've just entered a contest in which the prize is an MP3 player loaded with the complete, exhaustive recorded output of any artist you choose. You win. Who do you choose?
Joel Hamilton: Tiffany, because she only made one record so it would be easy to delete and
fill it with cool stuff. And I love Tiffany.
What are you carrying on your person -- in your pockets, purse, et cetera -- right now?
Joel Hamilton: A lighter, a cellphone, sixty dollars in fives (for some reason, all fives), a
pack of Marlboro Reds, my house keys, my studio keys, my practice space
keys, van keys, a receipt from a cab in Portland, Oregon, my ID (expired last
month), a bunch of business cards from people I can't remember.
You're on tour, you're in an unfamiliar city, you haven't eaten in 24 hours, and due to some poor financial decisions, you have only a single unit of the local currency -- one dollar, one pound, or thereabouts. What do you eat?
Joel Hamilton: That is easy. Coffee.
When did you last make a mountain out of a molehill?
Joel Hamilton: Worrying about my gal's flight to Italy last night while I was on a plane
coming from the west coast.
Post-Schwarzenegger, are there any high-profile people you'd like to see run for Governor or other high office? Who and why?
Joel Hamilton: David Cross, so I could at least laugh.
Apart from cheeseburgers, what is the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast?
Joel Hamilton: Coffee and cigarettes. Maybe some nice Greek strained yogurt.
You receive a series of e-mails stating that Grace Jones, Junior Brown, Missy Elliott, Ian Mackaye and Philip Glass are interested in a collaboration. How do you respond to each request?
Joel Hamilton: I would ask them all collectively to be on the new Book of Knots record.
Seems to work out for us...
Have you ever seen a ghost? Or a dead body? Tell us about it.
Joel Hamilton: Dead bodies creep me out. I have seen a couple.
Everyone can do at least a couple of decent imitations -- of celebrities, maybe, or associates, friends and family. Who can you "do"?
Joel Hamilton: Bruce Springsteen, shittily singing "On The Streets Of Philly".
What was the last book you read and hated? Why did you hate it?
Joel Hamilton: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Bored me to death. I like
Savannah, GA but that book bored me. Bad pace. Lame. I dunno.
Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Why?
Joel Hamilton: I can't remember her name, but she taught health class and she was really
cool.
What is your favorite Meg Ryan movie?
Joel Hamilton: Sleepless in Seattle. What an amazing performance. I cry every time I see
the words "Meg" and "Ryan" too close to each other.
What is your favorite "comfort food" when you're on tour?
Joel Hamilton: Gatorade and truck stop diner chow. I mostly smoke cigarettes and drink
coffee on tour, between Taco Bell stops.
You wake up one morning and discover that you have dolphin telepathy. What do you do with it?
Joel Hamilton: Make a robot army with my new dolphin pals and rule the world. The robots
would do our bidding as we laughed in our underwater castle. I would also
teach the dolphins to cook pasta.
You've just been hit in the face with a large chocolate cream pie. How do you react?
Joel Hamilton: Laughing, then feel sorry for the pie.
Assuming that you must choose one, which would you rather listen to for an hour: Christian rock, mainstream country or Jessica Simpson?
Joel Hamilton: Jessica Simpson, so I could at least think about boobs and not feel guilty
about it.
What is the most awkward moment in which you have caught a person adjusting, scratching, or otherwise handling his or her own genitals?
Joel Hamilton: Caught the bass player of an old band I was in masturbating while My
Stepmother is an Alien was on the TV at the hotel. We both hated it. He
hated it worse, I am sure.
Where do you think Osama Bin Laden is hiding and what would it take to get him to come out?
Joel Hamilton: I think Osama Bin Laden is at the fucking Bush ranch. I dunno, maybe they
sent him to Six Flags or something. Fuck that whole situation.
You're sitting in a pub when an errant dart from the games area strikes you in the leg. With the dart pointing out of your body, do you pull it out, shout for help or attack the jackass who hit you?
Joel Hamilton: Laugh, then probably freak out on the person that hit me, then see what
happens.
What would you consider to be the worst fate imaginable for your music, and which contemporary artist would you most wish this terrible end upon?
Joel Hamilton: To be used as an inspirational intro song at a political party thingy. Like
the way "Don't Stop Thinkin' About Tomorrow" was used by Clinton (right?). I hope Korn gets used like that in 10 years.
What is sexy?
Joel Hamilton: Ernie puppets, naked women, frumpy nightgowns... me (for all the same reasons
the other things I mentioned are sexy).
Which reality iv game show could you see yourself as a winning contestant on? Explain.
Joel Hamilton: Can you win The Real World?
What is the strangest thing you've ever had for breakfast?
Joel Hamilton: Uncooked spaghetti and peanut butter in the van in Canada. I had it for
lunch as well.
Which non-music related product (i.E. -- no instruments, microphones, etc.) would you most like to be a celebrity spokesperson for?
Joel Hamilton: Gold Bond powder.
Describe the skankiest, sketchiest place -- whether it's someone's home or a hotel/motel room -- that you've stayed in while on tour.
Joel Hamilton: God. So many. Um... The couple that smoked meth all day and night and lived
near a nuclear reactor and tried to teach us a card game they invented, and
had three pit bulls that had shit in this one room in the house was pretty
sweet. I dunno. Too many to get into.
If you had an army of super-intelligent lab mice to do your bidding, what evil deeds would you have them do?
Joel Hamilton: I would have them eat the current government. I would also have them infest
every Wal Mart in the country.
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At first, Book of Knots sounded like the kind of band we'd give to Andrew Magilow to review -- he likes dark, sludgy stuff more than the rest of us. Then we listened all the way through "Crumble" (download it from the Arclight Records "Releases" page! Do it now!) and realized that we'd underestimated them. That orchestral bit at the end is fuckin' sweet.
-- George Zahora
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