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Various religions suggest that there's a "special" hell for certain sins (hurting children, being cruel to animals, using the word "blog" as a verb, etc). Who else needs a "special" hell?
Cliff Revis: People who steal trailers full of musical gear.
Due to poor financial planning, you've got to eat for an entire week on only US$10. What do you buy, food-wise?
Cliff Revis: Peanut butter, jelly and Wonder bread.
What's the biggest misconception that people have about you?
Cliff Revis: That I'm "mean" or unapproachable.
What's the worst injury you've ever suffered for your art (i.e. second degree burns from shorted-out mic, broken leg from failed stage dive)? Tell us about it.
Cliff Revis: Cuts that won't heal on both thumbs!
You've got unlimited funding and technical expertise to make an IMAX movie on the topic of your choice. What do you choose? Describe the obligatory vertigo-inducing camera shot that makes the entire audience clutch their stomachs.
Cliff Revis: A trip into an ant farm/ant hill. The clutch scene would be when the queen
ant poops out an egg and it's real up close and intense with lots of exciting
classical music behind it.
You've locked your car keys inside the tour van and don't have AAA. How do you get the door open?
Cliff Revis: Headfirst dive into the back windshield with a shirt over my head.
Ever find useful stuff in the garbage? Describe your best-ever dumpster find and how you used it.
Cliff Revis: Pornographic magazines... we know how they're used.
In the UK, trying to kill the Queen is still technically a capital offense. If the Queen tried to commit suicide and failed, could she be sentenced to death? Explain.
Cliff Revis: Queen is an awesome band -- you're right!
If you were a 50ft high Tyrannosaurus Rex, would you use your powers for good or evil? Who would you go after first?
Cliff Revis: I'd use them for good... I'd take over the Starbucks Corporation.
You've decided to write a musical. What's it about and who's the star?
Cliff Revis: The OJ Simpson Trial... starring Tom Cruise as Kato.
What's your favorite board game? Why do you like it?
Cliff Revis: Monopoly, because it's fun to pretend I'm rich, or at least have enough money
to buy a piece of property.
Everyone likes at least one cheesy/crappy song that totally kills their cred. What's yours?
Cliff Revis: REO Speedwagon's "I Can't Fight This Feeling".
The standard touring vehicle is always a beat-up van. What has been the worst/weirdest method of conveyance you've had to use on a tour?
Cliff Revis: The above.
What was the best meal you were supplied by a tour venue? What was the worst?
Cliff Revis: Best: 9:30 Club in Washington. Worst: 9:30 Club in Washington. We don't
get fed often, haha.
Will it ever truly be possible to "rock the vote", or will apathy, indifference and laziness always triumph over activism?
Cliff Revis: It will get to the point where people will actively be apathetic. So
activism will rule.
You discover a new disease, "(Your name here)'s Syndrome". What are its symptoms? What is the cure for "(Your name here)'s Syndrome"?
Cliff Revis: "Cliff's Syndrome" is just like Homoglobophebia, where your body doesn't
retain water, so you have to constantly replenish it. There is no cure.
That's why you must tell every teacher in high school you suffer from it, so
you can get out of class whenever you want.
You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about. What would you like to cry about?
Cliff Revis: Death.
If you could watch one historical event re-enacted by a cast of chimpanzees, which one would it be, and why?
Cliff Revis: The OJ Simpson trial. It'd be best if Tom Cruise could be amidst the
chimps.
What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen (and don't choose one of your own)?
Cliff Revis: The tattoo Jeff from the Used has on his neck.
How long after an unopened gallon of milk's "use-by" date has passed would you be willing to use it?
Cliff Revis: I only drink Soy milk, so maybe a week?
What is the most unusual item you've thrown up on/in?
Cliff Revis: I only throw up in toilets, but once one of our crew threw up in the food
bin in our van. No one fessed up either.
Do you prefer the term "underwear" or "underpants"? What does that say about you?
Cliff Revis: "Underpants", because it makes me sound sophisticated.
You've been asked to submit an anecdote or "tip" to a book called "Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned On Tour With My Band". What do you tell them?
Cliff Revis: Take your vitamins!
What basic freedoms are you prepared to give up in exchange for your and your family's safety?
Cliff Revis: The right to bear arms.
Due to a breakthrough in technology, it's possible to learn any skill, no matter how complex, pretty much instantly, by uploading the information directly into your brain (yes, like in The Matrix). Unfortunately, you can only do it once. What skill would you learn, and why?
Cliff Revis: Brain surgery skills... that's like ten years of school right there in one
download!
Not to be morbid, but let's assume that (a) you've died, and (b) you filled out an organ donor card and potential recipients are lining up. Which part of your body do you think will be most sought-after? Are there any bits no-one will want?
Cliff Revis: My hair. My eyes -- I wear contacts.
A long-lost possession has turned up on Ebay, and you're prepared to pay much more than it's worth just to finally get it back. What is it? Why is it worth so much to you?
Cliff Revis: Mario Kart 64 that I let my friend borrow once. It's one of my favorite
games.
You've been given the resources and financial backing to create a new satellite TV network that caters specifically to your tastes and the tastes of people like you. What's it called, and what does it show?
Cliff Revis: An "MTV2"-like channel that plays alternative pop punk rock bands like us,
with seriously, seriously no nonsense.
There are literally hundreds of euphemisms for masturbation. What's the best one you've heard?
Cliff Revis: Slicin' the 'roni.
Which is worse: downloading an album and burning copies for five friends, or shoplifting one physical copy of the same CD from an overpriced national retailer? Explain your answer.
Cliff Revis: Shoplifting, because then the stores and record labels are cheated by
spending money on pressing the CD. Anyone who steals deserves bad karma.
A few years ago, anal sex was still taboo; nowadays it's trendy. What will be the next major sexual taboo to fall?
Cliff Revis: Orgies... I guess.
What, in your opinion, is the best book ever written? And why?
Cliff Revis: Armor, because it's fun and it's set on a planet called Banshee, where the
water is poisonous and the air is unbreathable.
The USA needs a universal healthcare system. So far, no President has gotten anywhere near implementing one. Why do you think they keep failing? (Bonus: Outline your own plan for universal healthcare in 100 words or less.)
Cliff Revis: Because old people are too prideful to be taken care of and too many people
take advantage of the government's (and taxpayers') kindness.
Right this very second, what are you most looking forward to, and why?
Cliff Revis: The Bogart's show on the Goldfinger tour in Cincinnati. We are all really
really excited!
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Bottom Line's latest, Eloquence, drops on May 31st. Look for them on tour this summer.
-- George Zahora
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