|
Various religions suggest that there's a "special" hell for certain sins (hurting children, being cruel to animals, using the word "blog" as a verb, etc). Who else needs a "special" hell?
Joey LaRocca: People who say "y'all", and people who ask stupid questions.
Due to poor financial planning, you've got to eat for an entire week on only US$10. What do you buy, food-wise?
Joey LaRocca: That's not all that hypothetical. Wendy's 99 cent menu.
What's the biggest misconception that people have about you?
Joey LaRocca: That I tell the truth. Except for that, and that... and that.
You've locked your car keys inside the tour van and don't have AAA. How do you get the door open?
Joey LaRocca: That happened to us in Europe so we took the window out of the van. It wasn't easy, it took a while and it was fucking freezing out.
Ever find useful stuff in the garbage? Describe your best-ever dumpster find and how you used it.
Joey LaRocca: A retainer. I don't know why someone threw it away -- I wear it all the time.
In the UK, trying to kill the Queen is still technically a capital offence. If the Queen tried to commit suicide and failed, could she be sentenced to death? Explain.
Joey LaRocca: It's a trick question. The Queen's been dead for five years, just look at her.
If you were a 50ft high Tyrannosaurus Rex, would you use your powers for good or evil? Who would you go after first?
Joey LaRocca: I don't think T-Rexes had powers. It's not like they were superheroes. But I would kill Carrot Top and the who ever writes those awful Carl's Jr. commercials.
You've decided to write a musical. What's it about and who's the star?
Joey LaRocca: I hate musicals with a passion. I would never write one.
What's your favorite board game? Why do you like it?
Joey LaRocca: Taboo. Because it's fun, why else?
Everyone likes at least one cheesy/crappy song that totally kills their cred. What's yours?
Joey LaRocca: Nice try!
The standard touring vehicle is always a beat-up van. What has been the worst/weirdest method of conveyance you've had to use on a tour?
Joey LaRocca: Well, our van broke down in AZ once and we had to ride in the back of a U-Haul with all the equipment rolling around in the pitch black.
What was the best meal you were supplied by a tour venue? What was the worst?
Joey LaRocca: Slim's in San Francisco has some of the best food at a venue. The worst would have to be in Hamburg, DE -- it was a weird diarrhea soup and some gross pasta.
Will it ever truly be possible to "rock the vote", or will apathy, indifference and laziness always triumph over activism?
Joey LaRocca: I would say voting has become quite pointless but I don't know -- maybe one day things can change.
You discover a new disease, "(Your name here)'s Syndrome". What are its symptoms? What is the cure for "(Your name here)'s Syndrome"?
Joey LaRocca: Loneliness syndrome, sadness, broken heart, depression. The cure: my love! Haha, just kidding, I'm married.
If you could watch one historical event re-enacted by a cast of chimpanzees, which one would it be, and why?
Joey LaRocca: The dawn of man. Oh shit, never mind.
How long after an unopened gallon of milk's "use-by" date has passed would you be willing to use it?
Joey LaRocca: I hate milk.
Do you prefer the term "underwear" or "underpants"? What does that say about you?
Joey LaRocca: Definitely underwear, because I'm not five years old.
You've been asked to submit an anecdote or "tip" to a book called Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned On Tour With My Band. What do you tell them?
Joey LaRocca: Go to school, kids. Get a real job.
Not to be morbid, but let's assume that (a) you've died, and (b) you filled out an organ donor card and potential recipients are lining up. Which part of your body do you think will be most sought-after? Are there any bits no-one will want?
Joey LaRocca: Everybody has always told me I have a beautiful pancreas so that will get snatched right up, but my appendix, nobody's gonna take that. I mean, they don't need their own, so why would they want mine?
A long-lost possession has turned up on Ebay, and you're prepared to pay much more than it's worth just to finally get it back. What is it? Why is it worth so much to you?
Joey LaRocca: My dignity, I lost it years ago and I'd do sexual favors to get my dignity back.
You've been given the resources and financial backing to create a new satellite TV network that caters specifically to your tastes and the tastes of people like you. What's it called, and what does it show?
Joey LaRocca: It would be called I play only what I like... so fuck you. Family Guy, Aqua Teen, Tarantino Films, only the first episode of every season of American Idol, and for commercial break, Quizno's and Geico commercials.
There are literally hundreds of euphemisms for masturbation. What's the best one you've heard?
Joey LaRocca: Man, I suck at these. I wish I knew some cool ones. But I still think "rub one out" has a nice ring to it.
Which is worse: downloading an album and burning copies for five friends, or shoplifting one physical copy of the same CD from an overpriced national retailer? Explain your answer.
Joey LaRocca: None of the above. Downloading a 50 Cent record burning copies for five friends and driving in your mom's Expedition while blaring it -- that's much worse!
A few years ago, anal sex was still taboo; nowadays it's trendy. What will be the next major sexual taboo to fall?
Joey LaRocca: Skull fuck. It's getting more popular. It's not just the freaks anymore. It's becoming a common household position. You just watch when the next Kama Sutra comes out.
The USA needs a universal healthcare system. So far, no President has gotten anywhere near implementing one. Why do you think they keep failing? (Bonus: Outline your own plan for universal healthcare in 100 words or less.)
Joey LaRocca: Because doctors and psychiatrists have America by the balls. Too much money involved. It won't change.
Right this very second, what are you most looking forward to, and why?
Joey LaRocca: Eating lunch. I'm hungry.
· · · · · · ·
The Briggs released Leaving the Ways a year or so ago. They're on tour throughout July 2005.
-- George Zahora
| 
