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Various religions suggest that there's a "special" hell for certain sins (hurting children, being cruel to animals, using the word "blog" as a verb, etc). Who else needs a "special" hell?
Richard Jankovich: Though I am unsure what sin or crime they have done to deserve their placement there, New Yorkers are sometimes forced into that special hell called "the subway". Underground tunnels, moist air (likely from the sulfur flames lurking somewhere near by), screeching shrieks (the brakes on the cars as they roll into the station), urine, and of course the friendly demons (fellow commuters, conductors, the homeless, you). Yes, the subway is our own special hell. Thanks, god!
Due to poor financial planning, you've got to eat for an entire week on only US$10. What do you buy, food-wise?
Richard Jankovich: For one week of nourishment for this hungry vegan snob, a minimum of $20/day is the norm. To scale that back to around seven percent of the original amount is unlikely. So unlikely, in fact, that I refuse to answer this question. Now, please pass the saffron powder, I am starving.
What's the biggest misconception that people have about you?
Richard Jankovich: That I could possibly exist on $10 a week. Really, I can't believe you actually asked me that.
What's the worst injury you've ever suffered for your art (i.e. second degree burns from shorted-out mic, broken leg from failed stage dive)? Tell us about it.
Richard Jankovich: While it is hard to classify as an "injury", a broken, shattered shell of an empty life pretty much sums it up.
You've locked your car keys inside the tour van and don't have AAA. How do you get the door open?
Richard Jankovich: I would do what I have done on at least three different occasions (once, the engine was even running) -- I would hunt down a patrol officer and beg them to open it for me. If that fails (which it often does), I would call a local locksmith and shell out the $300 to get it open. Barring that, I'd leave the van behind and move on into a rich, van-free life.
Ever find useful stuff in the garbage? Describe your best-ever dumpster find and how you used it.
Richard Jankovich: It's hard to admit but this is actually where we found our guitarist, Gerald. It's not so much that he is embarrassed to be found in the trash but rather that I would even touch something that filthy. We had to clean him up a bit but after a few weeks, he looked as good as new! Still need to get rid of those fleas, though...
In the UK, trying to kill the Queen is still technically a capital offence. If the Queen tried to commit suicide and failed, could she be sentenced to death? Explain.
Richard Jankovich: Of course, she would be guilty and sentenced to death. However, with a good set of lawyers and psychologists, they could probably get her off death row by claiming insanity. And everyone knows you can't kill an insane person. They just don't die. Believe me, I have tried.
If you were a 50ft high Tyrannosaurus Rex, would you use your powers for good or evil? Who would you go after first?
Richard Jankovich: Walking wild at midnight, breathing like a panther, holding hands with my love, dancing like a master... Calling all destroyers. Yeah, pretty much evil.
What's your favorite board game? Why do you like it?
Richard Jankovich: Is Hungry Hungry Hippos a board game?
Everyone likes at least one cheesy/crappy song that totally kills their cred. What's yours?
Richard Jankovich: I would say that everyone likes 20 to 30 CDs worth of cred-killing cheese nonsense. For me, this list begins with Martika, stops near t.A.T.u. and ends with Belinda Carlisle.
The standard touring vehicle is always a beat-up van. What has been the worst/weirdest method of conveyance you've had to use on a tour?
Richard Jankovich: In the early '90s, when we were an arena rock band, we had our own private jet. That was pretty weird...
Will it ever truly be possible to "rock the vote", or will apathy, indifference and laziness always triumph over activism?
Richard Jankovich: Rocking the vote has always seemed a bizarre term. I think we should concentrate on "casting" a vote.
You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about. What would you like to cry about?
Richard Jankovich: Heavy metal?>
How long after an unopened gallon of milk's "use-by" date has passed would you be willing to use it?
Richard Jankovich: There is a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to see and small enough to solve. For milk's death line, the time is now. There is one medicine that helps stem the tide of every disease, old or new, easily treated or drug-resistant. That medicine is cooperation. Cooperation helped us stop Marburg virus hemorrhagic fever. We commend W-H-O for its efforts. We sent infectious disease specialists from our centers for disease control and prevention to support and complement W-H-O efforts in Angola. Cooperation is eradicating polio. Fellow ministers, let us never forget that concern for health transcends governments, cultures, language and political divisions. We must continue to work together to improve the well-being of people everywhere. We can accomplish so much more by working together to reward results and look for neighborhood solutions. I look forward to working with all of you. Thank you very much.
What is the most unusual item you've thrown up on/in?
Richard Jankovich: Directly into my eyes. Visualize that.
Do you prefer the term "underwear" or "underpants"? What does that say about you?
Richard Jankovich: Yes, oftentimes.
What basic freedoms are you prepared to give up in exchange for your and your family's safety?
Richard Jankovich: The right to own other people is something I am willing to give up. What do you mean that's illegal?
Due to a breakthrough in technology, it's possible to learn any skill, no matter how complex, pretty much instantly, by uploading the information directly into your brain (yes, like in The Matrix). Unfortunately, you can only do it once. What skill would you learn, and why?
Richard Jankovich: The skill of forcing well-meaning, big-hearted music scenes out of business with my beak and claws!
Not to be morbid, but let's assume that (a) you've died, and (b) you filled out an organ donor card and potential recipients are lining up. Which part of your body do you think will be most sought-after? Are there any bits no-one will want?
Richard Jankovich: Are you trying to get me to say "penis"? Because it is not that easy. I never say "penis".
There are literally hundreds of euphemisms for masturbation. What's the best one you've heard?
Richard Jankovich: Attacking the infant.
A few years ago, anal sex was still taboo; nowadays it's trendy. What will be the next major sexual taboo to fall?
Richard Jankovich: Rape.
Right this very second, what are you most looking forward to, and why?
Richard Jankovich: Finishing up these questions...
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The Burnside Project's latest record, The Finest Example Is You, was released a month ago. Our review hasn't run yet, but we really, really like the disc, if that's enough of a hint for you.
-- George Zahora
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