Citizen Fish Can you believe it? We never received a review copy of Life Size, so we have no Citizen Fish reviews in our archive. Don't despair; you can still visit the band's website or buy their stuff at Insound.

What is your least favorite article of clothing, and why?

Dick Lukas: Those unbelievably trendy huge "bum-to-yer-knees" baggy jeans. Do people want to look stupid? Or is it a form of contraception?

What three essential accessories would be in your dream tour van/vehicle?

Dick Lukas: A roof-top balcony with sofa and binoculars. And an engine that doesn't blow up. Ever.

Which is more frightening: a venue full of people who don't like your music, or a room full of two-year-olds? Why?

Dick Lukas: Both actually sound quite intriguing; we'd have to totally reinvent or reshape our music to make either bunch happy, and it would be a challenge...but, if we failed, I'll take the two year olds' reaction...(armed with earplugs).

Name three activities that would be more interesting/entertaining/enjoyable with the addition of monkeys.

Dick Lukas: Seeing them on TV in a newsroom situation... Seeing them NOT in zoos, but as regularly as cows or birds... Choosing Xmas presents.

What are the best venue you've ever played? What's the worst? Why?

Dick Lukas: The best -- The Kopi, a vast squat in Berlin, 'cos they put on brilliant packed gigs with all the food and drink you can wallow in and you play at 2:00 a.m. and the mattresses are five steps away at the end of the night! The worst -- for my well-being, my memory has deleted the name of the Midwestern university concerned, but there was no atmosphere, or dancing, or food, or drink, and the vocal PA was hopeless, and the few folk there were looking at us like we were in a zoo (shiver...next question quick!)

What was the last thing you watched on television? How did you like it?

Dick Lukas: The first in a new series on BBC about conspiracy theorists; it was about Randy Weaver in '92, whose mountainside Idaho ranch was besieged by the FBI, and they shot his kid and wife, branded him a terrorist, etc. etc... I wondered if the program would get shown in the US.

Does everyone need to own a computer? Why or why not?

Dick Lukas: No... If we all had one, we'd never see each other again, and become pale wasted expressionless mute versions of our previous selves...

What activities (or whatever) are currently illegal, but in your opionion shouldn't be? What activities *are* legal, but should be outlawed?

Dick Lukas: Smoking marijuana, using hemp for paper and fuel and clothing and so on....ban the easy access to guns!

You have an eight-hour trip to your next gig. You're not driving, and you're not sleepy. You have the option of reading a book, listening to an album, watching a movie or playing a video game. Which do you choose? And what is the book/album/movie/game in question?

Dick Lukas: The book (when else is there a chance to read continuously?) would be Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and Lila (the followup), both by Robert M. Pirsig, and totally essential in a philsophical kinda way...

Scientists have suggested that trainspotting (the hobby of obsessively traveling rail lines, watching trains, cataloguing engine numbers, etc.) is a form of autism. What other so-called "hobbies" might actually be deep-seated psychological disorders?

Dick Lukas: Being a smartass scientist is obviously a form of sociopathy, where the sufferer, unable to coexist with fellow humanity, feels the urge to readjust and redefine the parameters of human behaviour (excluding his own) in order to feel both superior and wanted... These people would LOVE to be trainspotters! People LIKE trainspotters!

You're in an elevator with Mariah Carey, Marilyn Manson and George W. Bush. The elevator becomes trapped between floors. What happens next?

Dick Lukas: We all swap autographs, then I get eaten 'cos they've never heard of me.

You've been given the opportunity to play -- all expenses paid -- in a foreign country that bands don't normally get to visit. You get to pick the country. Where do you go?

Dick Lukas: Nepal! A mate of mine took his three-piece oompah band to Nepal, and they had to walk for two days across mountains to get to one of the gigs! They had the best time...

Why are frogs amusing?

Dick Lukas: 'Cos Budweiser are desperate to sell their beer, and hey, it tastes like frog's piss! Ahem. Apparently.

Your favorite broken-up band is going to reunite for one show only at the venue of your choice (yes, we know this is implausible. Who cares?). Who's the band, and what's the venue?

Dick Lukas: The Stooges play at Bath Pavilion (I live in Bath, by the way -- I can walk to the venue).

Several US states have adopted "three strikes and you're out" laws, which basically mean that after you're found guilty of three felonies, you're imprisoned for life. How do you feel about that? Is it effective lawmaking, or needlessly harsh?

Dick Lukas: It's fucking ridiculous, and one step away from concentration camps into which society's "unwanted" get hidden away... Poor, usually coloured people get housed in rundown areas where crime is "known" to be high; they are then over-patrolled by cops eager to boost their arrest rate, which leads to the disproportionate amount of poor/coloured people in jail. "Three strikes and out" is a cosy sporty phrase that hides the gruesome reality that America is riddled with racist class-orientated politics.

Citizen Fish, which includes a number of Subhumans, started the latest chapter in their ten-plus year career earlier this year with the release of Life Size, their first album for Stateside label Honest Don's.