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What band did you listen to most during the eighties? Do you still like them?
Clint Schnase: Billy Joel. He remains one of my favorites and always will.
What is your worst memory of elementary school? Of high school?
Clint Schnase: The very first day of Kindergarten some kid called me "bug eyes". It's was all kind of downhill from there. I don't remember High School.
You're about to -- ahem -- get lucky. What album is playing in the background? Why'd you choose it?
Clint Schnase: Right now it's Kid A by Radiohead. It just feels perfect for the situation.
What was the first thing you ever shoplifted? Why did you take it?
Clint Schnase: A Smurf 2" figure. Because I needed it to complete my collection. Duh.
If you could beat up anyone in the world and get away without the usual annoying real-world consequences -- jail time, lawsuits, bad press, etc. -- who would it be, and why?
Clint Schnase: Louie Anderson. He's a big jerk who wants to be dead anyway.
What's the biggest risk you've ever taken? Why did you take it?
Clint Schnase: I jumped off a 24 foot cliff into a rock quarry. I was drunk.
It's better to regret something you have done than it is to regret something you haven't done. What do you regret doing (other than agreeing to answer these questions)? Why did you do it?
Clint Schnase: Not going to see Uncle Tupelo back in 91. My cousin went and asked me to go. I had never heard of them, so I said no. I heard them the next week and have been pissed about it ever since.
Did you go to your high school prom? Who did you go with?
Clint Schnase: Randi Sima. I had known her since we were little. She was the coolest.
What movie would you recommend to absolutely anyone? Why?
Clint Schnase: Better Off Dead. Pure comic genius.
For reasons we won't bother going into right now, you're going to be locked in the back of a truck for a sixteen hour drive between gigs. If you could have any musician, past or present, back there to keep you company, who would it be?
Clint Schnase: Eddie Vedder. I believe I could tell him how bad he sucks for 16 hours. Seriously, Björk. Enough said.
What is your strongest, most unshakeable belief?
Clint Schnase: Cheese makes everything taste better.
What's the worst band you've ever heard? Why do they suck?
Clint Schnase: Sugar Ray -- they even know they suck.
If you were a porn star, what would your "porn name" be?
Clint Schnase: Karl Hungus.
You're on your way to a show, and all of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of a huge four-way battle between pirates, ninjas, robots and intelligent apes from the future. Your only hope of getting to your gig is to pick a side. Who do you join, and why?
Clint Schnase: I would convince the pirates and ninjas to join forces. Pirate Ninjas have to be the most badass thing I have ever heard of.
If you could sponsor any beverage -- appear in their ads, receive a lifetime supply and never be seen drinking a competing product -- what beverage would it be?
Clint Schnase: Keystone Light!
What's the best venue you've ever played? What's the worst? Why?
Clint Schnase: The Vera Club in Holland. There are too many bad ones, I wouldn't know where to start. The Vera is the most amazing place in the whole world. It was an honor to get to play there. U2 played there for Chrissake!
What's wrong with Rolling Stone these days?
Clint Schnase: I have not read that publication for years. I'm gonna guess everything.
Why are frogs amusing?
Clint Schnase: Kermit is the only amusing frog I know of. I think we all can agree to that.
You've traveled back in time and met yourself, age sixteen. What do you think?
Clint Schnase: Should guys really use hairspray?
Which would be worse: three hours on a bus full of four year-olds, or three hours on a bus full of eighty year-olds? Why?
Clint Schnase: 80 year-olds. Little kids want to have fun, play games, scream and yell. Old people would sit there and talk about how gassy they are.
What food item could you eat every day for the rest of your life without getting bored of it? What's so good about it?
Clint Schnase: Mac and Cheese. I want some right now.
Will the next Star Wars movie suck? Why not?
Clint Schnase: No way. I can't see anything bad about Clone Wars and Vader killing the crap out of everybody.
How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?
Clint Schnase: Seven.
What topics or statements would inspire you to call in to a talk radio program?
Clint Schnase: Anything related to the Cubs, Bears, or Nebraska Cornhuskers.
What album(s) should everyone be given on their eighteenth birthday?
Clint Schnase: Run D.M.C.'s Tougher Than Leather, Superchunk's No Pocky For Kitty and Smashing Pumpkins' Siamese Dream.
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Cursive's latest album, The Ugly Organ, is due in March.
-- George Zahora
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