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Right now, with no advance notice, and for reasons we're not going to bother explaining, you must get rid of one album from your record collection. Which title gets the chop?
Melissa Farris: Tiny Tim's Tiptoe through the Tulips.
You wake up one morning and discover that you've grown two feet taller overnight. How does it affect your life?
Melissa Farris: The tyranny of stepladders has ended!
What three things must a town or city have in order for you to be able to live happily there?
Melissa Farris: All night restaurant; drive-in theater; liquor store.
What's more important: good music or good food? And why?
Melissa Farris: Good music, because you can always dull your tastebuds with cigarettes.
Why does the wheel in the sky keep on turning?
Melissa Farris: Because I don't know where I'll be to-mor-ho-ro-o-o.
You've just been elected to the US senate (if you're not a US citizen, please either pretend you are or move forward on the assumption that you've taken a similar government-type position in your own country). What's on your agenda legislation-wise?
Melissa Farris: To gain the right to a vote in that Senate. I live in DC, where we have "Shadow
Senators", who have no real votes. The same is true for our Representative in
the House. For more info go to http://www.dcstatehoodgreen.org/index.php.
If the moon were made of cheese, what kind of cheese would it be made of? Please explain your reasoning.
Melissa Farris: Alouette, because it is my favorite, and I love myself.
You can go back in time and kill one person without disrupting the space/time continuum, creating a paradox and causing the universe to collapse upon itself. Who would it be?
Melissa Farris: Santa.
What's the best way to spend a rainy day?
Melissa Farris: In bed.
What is the coolest animal to watch a nature show about?
Melissa Farris: Sharks.
What do you do now, as a result of widespread internet access, that you didn't do ten years ago?
Melissa Farris: Buy things from eBay, read alarmist headlines on Netscape's home page (Editor's Note: Thank you. I thought I was the only one who felt that way about some of Netscape's "news" articles.)
Who did you last give flowers and why?
Melissa Farris: My man Graham because I love him.
The thong: instrument of social change or harbinger of dark times?
Melissa Farris: Fifth horseman of the apocalypse.
The police have just nailed you for some kind of minor infraction. What were you most likely to have been doing?
Melissa Farris: Drinking in public or driving recklessly.
Taking into account all current political, social and economic situations, which country would you most like to be and why?
Melissa Farris: Costa Rica, because I could feel a smug sense of self-satisfaction in knowing
that I wasn't wasting my money on a standing army.
Tell us about your weirdest experience with a fan.
Melissa Farris: I guess it was the guys in Columbus who invited me back to their frat house. When I declined, they tried to tempt me into coming by promising not to rape me.
Ever written a letter to the editor? What publication, and on what subject?
Melissa Farris: I don't know if this counts, but I just wrote a letter to the head of the
Cartoon Network, complaining because they had taken Home Movies off the air. Now
it's back on Sunday nights.
You're making a guest appearance as yourself in the TV show of your choice. What's the show, and how do you fit into the plot?
Melissa Farris: I am on Home Movies as Brendan Smalls' newest bandmate!
In three sentences or less, please give your opinion on the current state of the world.
Melissa Farris: Scary.
A national guardsman from Ohio recently changed his name to Optimus Prime, after the Transformer. If you could change your name to anything, what would you change it to?
Melissa Farris: Iron Honeybee.
We're considering lobbying the government to pass a law banning the use of certain overplayed words -- for example, "new", "flaming" and "electric" --in band names. What other words should be banned?
Melissa Farris: Super, Black, The (and) anything with a hyphenated SKA-.
Would you rather tour the world for a year, living out of hotels and minibuses, playing to sellout crowds but estranged from all meaningful interpersonal contact, or be crowned the next indie god(s) but be damned to a lifetime of college radio airplay, widespread obscurity and eventual golden years filled with soundtrack work?
Melissa Farris: The soundtrack stuff sounds pretty good.
What's the most un-rock and roll hobby or interest you have?
Melissa Farris: Making glamorous jewelry.
Which would be worse -- going three rounds with Mike Tyson, or having sex with Anna Nicole Smith?
Melissa Farris: Given Tyson's history, three rounds with him could include sex, so I think I'd
say sex with Anna would be better, since it probably wouldn't include a beating
or loss of an ear.
What's in your fridge right now?
Melissa Farris: Alouette cheese, fake sausage, tortillas, garlic stuffed olives, a Britta water
filter, half a bottle of unoaked chardonnay, and, of course, Juicy Juice™.
What advice would you give to Michael Jackson?
Melissa Farris: For God's sakes, hide.
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From Dame Fate's web site: "Individually their powers are formidable. Together they are beneficent, rewarding the faithful with a powerful mix of Mazzy Star, Leonard Cohen, Come, Spacemen Three, & Joy Division. Entrancing listeners with their sparse, stripped-down sound since they joined forces in 1999, Dame Fate continues to deliver the musical equivalent of three wishes. Dame Fate has shared the stage with such musicians as Cursive, Mary Timony, Q & Not U, Radio 4, Ari Up, Engine Down, Dead Meadow, Dismemberment Plan, Trans Am, Edith Frost, The For Carnation, Canyon, Songs Ohia, Ben Lee, The Gossip, Bats & Mice, The Butchies, and Tsunami."
-- George Zahora
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