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Right now, with no advance notice, and for reasons we're not going to bother explaining, you must get rid of one album from your record collection. Which title gets the chop?
Daniel G. Harmann: A Tribe Called Quest's The Low End Theory. I have the whole thing
memorized. "I want chicken, and orange juice, cause that's what's on my
rider... And my occasional potato by Ore Ida..."
You wake up one morning and discover that you've grown two feet taller overnight. How does it affect your life?
Daniel G. Harmann: I'm already two feet taller than I ever wanted to be.
What three things must a town or city have in order for you to be able to live happily there?
Daniel G. Harmann: Good public transportation, a fairly large population of liberals, and an
Old Country Buffet.
What's more important: good music or good food? And why?
Daniel G. Harmann: Good music. Food doesn't last nearly as long inside of you as music. That
sounded dirty.
Would you rather be anal probed by aliens or have a root canal without anaesthetic? Explain your choice.
Daniel G. Harmann: Eeek... That's a tough one. I grew up in a town adjacent to where that
movie Fire in the Sky supposedly took place, so I've always been
terrified of that shit. However, nothing is more horrifying then getting
my teeth worked on. So I'm gonna have to go with anal probing. It wins by
a narrow margin, though.
Why does the wheel in the sky keep on turning?
Daniel G. Harmann: Newton's first law states that every object will remain at rest or in
uniform motion in a straight line unless compelled to change its state by
the action of an external force. So the answer is Radiohead.
If the moon were made of cheese, what kind of cheese would it be made of? Please explain your reasoning.
Daniel G. Harmann: Chabichou du Poitou AOC is the only cheese with the tensile strength,
density, and salty pungency to withstand tidal stresses.
You've just won a contest in which the prize is your "dream car". What make and model of car do you choose? (And no, you can't just take the money.)
Daniel G. Harmann: A DeLorean.
What is the coolest animal to watch a nature show about?
Daniel G. Harmann: Isn't "Croc Hunter" the obvious answer to this? Someday he's totally
gonna get gobbled.
What do you do now, as a result of widespread internet access, that you didn't do ten years ago?
Daniel G. Harmann: Send love emails to Liz Phair.
The thong: instrument of social change or harbinger of dark times?
Daniel G. Harmann: Instrument of social change. That's an easy one.
The police have just nailed you for some kind of minor infraction. What were you most likely to have been doing?
Daniel G. Harmann: Running nekkid through the streets.
Taking into account all current political, social and economic situations, which country would you most like to be and why?
Daniel G. Harmann: Canada. They just have such a better outlook on things. However, if Tony
Blair wasn't in bed with Dubya, I'd say England.
Tell us about your weirdest experience with a fan.
Daniel G. Harmann: I signed a boob once. That was pretty weird.
When was the last time you had an entire day to yourself, and what did you do with it?
Daniel G. Harmann: Got coffee, tried to do a couple of crossword puzzles, called my mom,
played guitar, watched The Cosby Show.
What's your favorite thing to do when you can't sleep?
Daniel G. Harmann: Stress out about money and catch up on email.
You're making a guest appearance as yourself in the TV show of your choice. What's the show, and how do you fit into the plot?
Daniel G. Harmann: Last year's season of Trading Spaces. Paige wants to "re-decorate" my
loft. Then we shoot on over to The Cosby Show, where Claire Huxtable wins
a "dream date with the DGH." We make love and produce a child who we name Danielle Cockroach Harmuxtable.
In three sentences or less, please give your opinion on the current state of the world.
Daniel G. Harmann: We are all screwed. Nobody gets along, we all hate each other and want the
others' money or oil.
A national guardsman from Ohio recently changed his name to Optimus Prime, after the Transformer. If you could change your name to anything, what would you change it to?
Daniel G. Harmann: Rudy Huxtable.
We're considering lobbying the government to pass a law banning the use of certain overplayed words -- for example, "new", "flaming" and "electric" -- in band names. What other words should be banned?
Daniel G. Harmann: "The...", "Horny...", "Lovers..." Wait, that sounds like a great band name
right there...
Would you rather tour the world for a year, living out of hotels and minibuses, playing to sellout crowds but estranged from all meaningful interpersonal contact, or be crowned the next indie god(s) but be damned to a lifetime of college radio airplay, widespread obscurity and eventual golden years filled with soundtrack work?
Daniel G. Harmann: The second one, by far...
What's the most un-rock and roll hobby or interest you have?
Daniel G. Harmann: Doing crossword puzzles.
Which would be worse -- going three rounds with Mike Tyson, or having sex with Anna Nicole Smith?
Daniel G. Harmann: Tyson. That Anna Nicole Smith is a hottie.
What's in your fridge right now?
Daniel G. Harmann: Beer, salad, tofu, rice, BBQ sauce, bread, margarine, lemonade. Definitely
not peanut butter. That stays in the cabinet.
What advice would you give to Michael Jackson?
Daniel G. Harmann: Next time, just beat it.
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Daniel's new album The Lake Effect hit the streets a couple of weeks ago. Watch for a review on Splendid soon.
-- George Zahora
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