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Various religions suggest that there's a "special" hell for certain sins (hurting children, being cruel to animals, using the word "blog" as a verb, etc). Who else needs a "special" hell?
Emily Dennison: Hmmm. Maybe there could be a special "place" for the spineless. Not necessarily a hell, but more like a jar where they could all slide into a big blob and not take up so much space.
Due to poor financial planning, you've got to eat for an entire week on only US$10. What do you buy, food-wise?
Emily Dennison: Two avocados at a buck a piece, six Snickers at three-for-a-dollar, as many generic sticks of butter as the rest could buy.
What's the biggest misconception that people have about you?
Emily Dennison: That I'm a natural blonde. People are just so very confused. Including the elderly couple who heckled me from their convertible the other day (with those very two words -- "NATURAL BLONDE!...") Even those with poor vision know the truth.
What's the worst injury you've ever suffered for your art (i.e. second degree burns from shorted-out mic, broken leg from failed stage dive)? Tell us about it.
Emily Dennison: My cowboy boots failed me as I descended the stairs of the Slipper Club in Madison and I had a nice little tailbone injury that went on for a couple of weeks. Now I have spokes and spurs.
You've got unlimited funding and technical expertise to make an IMAX movie on the topic of your choice. What do you choose? Describe the obligatory vertigo-inducing camera shot that makes the entire audience clutch their stomachs.
Emily Dennison: It would be about squirrels. Squirrels laughing, squirrels playing. Squirrels loving, squirrels scolding. Attacking.
You've locked your car keys inside the tour van and don't have AAA. How do you get the door open?
Emily Dennison: This has happened so very many times. Someone who does have AAA calls and pretends they were driving the vehicle, silly! But you can't have our van and not have at least one member with AAA.
Ever find useful stuff in the garbage? Describe your best-ever dumpster find and how you used it.
Emily Dennison: I go through my bandmate/roommate's garbage all the time? I find random goodies, including some of my things! I get angry! Then I get even. I throw away Patti's daily planner and lock her stuffed animals in the closet. We follow that up pillow-fights in our snowsuits.
If you were a 50ft high Tyrannosaurus Rex, would you use your powers for good or evil? Who would you go after first?
Emily Dennison: If I were a 50ft high T-Rex I would use my powers for good. I would be like Snow White and all the forest animals would love me because of how pretty I sang and how I protected them from hunters. And I would be surrounded by dwarves who had secret crushes on me. I would have a family of tiny T-rexes.
You've decided to write a musical. What's it about and who's the star?
Emily Dennison: Buddah and it would be all about him shaking it. Or Dianetics and it would star Katie Holmes as L. Ron Hubbard and would be about him shaking it.
What's your favorite board game? Why do you like it?
Emily Dennison: Candyland. Because I like land, and candy.
Everyone likes at least one cheesy/crappy song that totally kills their cred. What's yours?
Emily Dennison: I could listen to "More Than A Feeling" by Boston 10 times in a row, and I have. And so have my friends. And you will too, if I ever meet you.
The standard touring vehicle is always a beat-up van. What has been the worst/weirdest method of conveyance you've had to use on a tour?
Emily Dennison: My parents caravaned to pick us up on the side of the interstate last weekend after Primetime caught a fever. Poor Primetime. Then we rented a gorgeous 15-passenger cargo van and for us, that sort of luxury classifies as weird.
Will it ever truly be possible to "rock the vote", or will apathy, indifference and laziness always triumph over activism?
Emily Dennison: If Pepsi can keep believing in us we can do it. More soda machines in elementary schools! Did I say soda machines? I meant pop machines.
You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about. What would you like to cry about?
Emily Dennison: What would I actually enjoy crying about as opposed to what I actually cry about? I would just love to be socked in the stomach and cry about that for a while.
If you could watch one historical event re-enacted by a cast of chimpanzees, which one would it be, and why?
Emily Dennison: Bush's inauguration. But the cast did include chimpanzees. Rethinking... how about the Scopes Monkey Trial?
How long after an unopened gallon of milk's "use-by" date has passed would you be willing to use it?
Emily Dennison: I would base it entirely on smell. I have a very bad sense of smell, I would most likely drink it even after its spoiling point. After regurgitating, I would no longer use the milk.
What is the most unusual item you've thrown up on/in?
Emily Dennison: Milk carton.
Do you prefer the term "underwear" or "underpants"? What does that say about you?
Emily Dennison: I say soda when I'm pretending I'm from the east coast. Oh, but we're talking about underwear. I say WEAR. And I'm from the Midwest, so really I say POP and my friends give me a time out every time. POP POP POP POP POP.
You've been asked to submit an anecdote or "tip" to a book called Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned On Tour With My Band. What do you tell them?
Emily Dennison: It's good to love your band like brothers and sisters.
What basic freedoms are you prepared to give up in exchange for your and your family's safety?
Emily Dennison: I would put the gun back in the gun rack if it meant that my family and I would be safe.
Due to a breakthrough in technology, it's possible to learn any skill, no matter how complex, pretty much instantly, by uploading the information directly into your brain (yes, like in The Matrix). Unfortunately, you can only do it once. What skill would you learn, and why?
Emily Dennison: Auto repair. I now know how to add an ignition coil to a '92 Dodge Ram van, but there is so much more I want to know.
A long-lost possession has turned up on Ebay, and you're prepared to pay much more than it's worth just to finally get it back. What is it? Why is it worth so much to you?
Emily Dennison: It's the Farfisa organ that was in my trunk when my car was stolen. I was not that attached to that particular organ, but if I could find it I could play detective and trace it back until I found out who stole my car. And with that information I would do absolutely nothing.
Right this very second, what are you most looking forward to, and why?
Emily Dennison: November and touring. It feels good to be on the road.
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Although The Dials -- Rebecca Crawford on vocals/bass/guitar, Patti Gran on vocals/guitar, Emily Dennison on Farfisa/vocals, and the late Doug Meis on drums -- have only been together for a couple of years, they've self-released a critically acclaimed EP (Sick Times), played with bands like The Woggles, Electrelane, and The Briefs, and created a library of flawlessly composed songs that will "rock your panties off." Their first full-length, Flex Time, arrives in stores on November 8th.
Drummer Doug Meis lost his life in a tragic accident on July 14, 2005, but lives on on Flex Time.
-- George Zahora
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