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Various religions suggest that there's a "special" hell for certain sins (hurting children, being cruel to animals, using the word "blog" as a verb, etc). Who else needs a "special" hell?
Edie Sedgwick: Creators of clip on earrings that break and detach themselves when you drop it like it's hot on the dance floor.
What's the biggest misconception that people have about you?
Edie Sedgwick: That I really believe it is difficult being beautiful.
What's the worst injury you've ever suffered for your art (i.e. second degree burns from shorted-out mic, broken leg from failed stage dive)? Tell us about it.
Edie Sedgwick: Once, I did the hippy hippy shake during a concert and threw out my knee. This was in the emo days of yore. A brace was needed. Crutches. I performed the next show in a wheelchair.
You've got unlimited funding and technical expertise to make an IMAX movie on the topic of your choice. What do you choose? Describe the obligatory vertigo-inducing camera shot that makes the entire audience clutch their stomachs.
Edie Sedgwick: I've always been interested the biological life of the hair follicle. What it balding? How does it begin? Can it be reversed? Put a comb-over on that screen and see what happens.
You've locked your car keys inside the tour van and don't have AAA. How do you get the door open?
Edie Sedgwick: Obviously you haven't seen what Edie can do with her pinky and a bit of lube.
You've decided to write a musical. What's it about and who's the star?
Edie Sedgwick: I am actually currently working on a musical. I like to call it Edie
Sedgwick: Herself. I'm not sure about the content, but the programme will feature a photorealistic picture of moi playing with a butterfly.
Perhaps I am threatening to crush the butterfly. Perhaps not. Interpretation is a free-for-all in these troubled times.
What's your favorite board game? Why do you like it?
Edie Sedgwick: Monopoly. I like to hear the riffling sound as the colorful scrips are passed around the table in a gleeful imitation of our actual capitalist
system. Also, I like to slum on Baltic Ave.
The standard touring vehicle is always a beat-up van. What has been the worst/weirdest method of conveyance you've had to use on a tour?
Edie Sedgwick: Not sure why a van is standard... I myself only travel in a hum-vee.
That way, when haters roll up on me with torches and gas cans after I refuse an encore, I just roll over their asses.
What was the best meal you were supplied by a tour venue? What was the worst?
Edie Sedgwick: Once while touring the eastern steppes on Mongolia I was treated to a wonderful goulash by the enlightened Yeti Sumarsam-san. I will never
forget the way the majoram blended with the chick-pea and kosher salt to make the perfect meal.
Will it ever truly be possible to "rock the vote", or will apathy, indifference and laziness always triumph over activism?
Edie Sedgwick: Edie Sedgwick strives to move beyond this dim, dated, dual paradigm -- activism on the one side, apathy on the other. My celebrating the
culture of celebrity, I seek to fuse humor/vacancy/indifference with a political stance. I refer you to my various polemics at www.ediesedgwick.biz.
You discover a new disease, "(Your name here)'s Syndrome". What are its symptoms? What is the cure for "(Your name here)'s Syndrome"?
Edie Sedgwick: Marisa Tomei's Syndrome. Symptoms? A failing career after a high-profile Oscar win. Cure? The swift location of a better agent.
You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about. What would you like to cry about?
Edie Sedgwick: Condoleeza Rice's uncompromising stance on North Korea. America's obsession with the Terry Schiavo case. The poor health of Pope John
Paul II. Eisenhower's Interstate Highway system and the demise of the urban center. The poor quality of the Star Wars "prequels".
If you could watch one historical event re-enacted by a cast of chimpanzees, which one would it be, and why?
Edie Sedgwick: The Cuban Missile Crisis... Since it was enacted by chimpanzees the first time around, perhaps a second set of chimps could make it more
interesting.
What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen (and don't choose one of your own)?
Edie Sedgwick: I recently saw a striking portrait of a mother breastfeeding her child inked on to the back of a love-child passing in the subway... The mother's beautiful pale hands reached out to the infant... the infant's dashing clear eyes looked up to his mother in pure supplication. The sense of the scene was not one of dependence or succor but perhaps something closer to unity, i.e., the infant saying "I need the breast as much as the breast needs me," and the mother saying "Lo, take this milk, relieve me of it, grow." That, or some dude at a party had a Kirk Cameron tat.
How long after an unopened gallon of milk's "use-by" date has passed would you be willing to use it?
Edie Sedgwick: Does the "use-by" date include the "date-of?" Today, for example, I consumed an item whose use by date was today. Was this out of date? It
smelled fine. Then again, I don't feel so good.
What is the most unusual item you've thrown up on/in?
Edie Sedgwick: Once, in a fit of laughter, I threw ten martinis up on Candy Darling, a minor Warhol Superstar, at Max's Kansas City. I can't remember what was so funny, only that it involved Bob Dylan, twenty-seven sweet peppers, and a bottle of seltzer water.
Do you prefer the term "underwear" or "underpants"? What does that say about you?
Edie Sedgwick: I prefer the term "those things you took off before you turned me over
and fucked me."
You've been asked to submit an anecdote or "tip" to a book called Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned On Tour With My Band. What do you tell them?
Edie Sedgwick: Sleeping in rooms with two legged creatures = okay. Sleeping in rooms with four legged creatures = not okay.
Due to a breakthrough in technology, it's possible to learn any skill, no matter how complex, pretty much instantly, by uploading the information directly into your brain (yes, like in The Matrix). Unfortunately, you can only do it once. What skill would you learn, and why?
Edie Sedgwick: Amongst the civilized, bridge has always seemed a worthwhile pastime. Yet there are so many rules. Who has the time? Also, I can't remember
the names of everyone on Eight is Enough.
Not to be morbid, but let's assume that (a) you've died, and (b) you filled out an organ donor card and potential recipients are lining up. Which part of your body do you think will be most sought-after? Are there any bits no-one will want?
Edie Sedgwick: Darling, let's just say there's already quite a few lining up to grab the you-know-what. Then again, I've already donated around the world
quite a bit!
A long-lost possession has turned up on Ebay, and you're prepared to pay much more than it's worth just to finally get it back. What is it? Why is it worth so much to you?
Edie Sedgwick: Let's just say if anyone sees a black nine-inch double-dildo out there anywhere with the initials E.S. carved into one of the shafts, email me
(ediesedgwick@ediesedgwick.biz) and we can negotiate a price. I mean, it's my friend's and she really wants it back.
There are literally hundreds of euphemisms for masturbation. What's the best one you've heard?
Edie Sedgwick: The Martha Stewart Show.
Which is worse: downloading an album and burning copies for five friends,or shoplifting one physical copy of the same CD from an overpriced national retailer? Explain your answer.
Edie Sedgwick: Not downloading or shoplifting the CD and letting the perpetuator of a novelty drag show fizzle out in alcoholic misery in a NY condo. Steal
whatever you want... just send fan mail and come to the show!
A few years ago, anal sex was still taboo; nowadays it's trendy. What will be the next major sexual taboo to fall?
Edie Sedgwick: Obviously everyone wants it and is afraid to ask: the Cleveland
Steamer. That's right... shitting. Everyone wants a big dump on their
chest. Don't be afraid to ask. Don't be afraid to be humiliated. It's
okay. We all feel the need... the need for steam. We just have to start
asking. Then... the next step... the "Hot Lunch". I leave you to imagine
what that is.
What, in your opinion, is the best book ever written? And why?
Edie Sedgwick: I feel that the Gospel of John has strong claim to this title. Compared
to the other gospel writers -- i.e. Matthew, Mark, and Luke -- his
language is most based in metaphor, leading to a richer, wider
understand of the life of Jesus.
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Edie Sedgwick is the transgendered reincarnation of a vacuous Warhol Superstar who died of a barbiturate overdose in 1971. Edie was reborn at the dawn of the New Millenium to save the world by singing about celebrities. That's right...armed with only an iPod, she travels the nightclubs of this land called America singing songs that honor the likes of Julia Roberts, Robert Downey, Jr., and, of course, Martin Sheen. Her resemblance to Justin Moyer of DC's El Guapo is purely coincidental.
-- George Zahora
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