Elliott's Chris Higdon takes on the POINTLESS QUESTIONS

Chris Higdon (photo by C. J. Benninger borrowed from Elliott's website)

You can read Splendid's review of False Cathedrals, visit the official Elliott Website or buy Elliott CDs at Insound.

What is your least favorite article of clothing, and why?

Chris Higdon: Boxer shorts/men's underwear in general is horrible; it just bunches up and makes clothes look awful. I don't understand the purpose.

What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

Chris Higdon: No one understands love and peace is a myth. Everyone is about to destroy something or someone...

If you could remove 20cc's of fat from one part of your body and inject it into another, where would the fat come from/go to?

Chris Higdon: I'm not sure just how much that is. If you can find it, put it in my flat ass.

What three essential accessories would be in your dream tour van/vehicle?

Chris Higdon: Entertainment system, personnel message therapist and Warp drive.

Which is more frightening: a venue full of people who don't like your music, or a room full of two-year-olds? Why?

Chris Higdon: In a room full of two year olds we can always pull out our Raffi/Barney/ Blue's Clues tribute set. I'll stick with the two year olds.

Name three activities that would be more interesting/entertaining/enjoyable with the addition of monkeys.

Chris Higdon: Waiting in line at the bank, major league baseball games and Presidential speeches.

What are the best venue you've ever played? What's the worst? Why?

Chris Higdon: Best: The Black Cat. Venues run by musicians are always the best. The worst: anything in South Carolina. I have no idea how so much dirt gets into one place.

What was the last thing you watched on television? How did you like it?

Chris Higdon: Law and Order it's on everytime I turn the damn thing on. It traps you. I like it.

Describe your dream vacation.

Chris Higdon: Any place with a waterfall. I don't care.

Does everyone need to own a computer? Why or why not?

Chris Higdon: No, but even the Amish do.

What activities (or whatever) are currently illegal, but in your opionion shouldn't be? What activities *are* legal, but should be outlawed?

Chris Higdon: For me it's very simple: if you can die from it without hurting others, it should be legal. Example: drugs, helmet laws etc. That way it's just a matter of weeding out the idiots.

Who should be the leader of the free world?

Chris Higdon: Someone named Johnny.

You have an eight-hour trip to your next gig. You're not driving, and you're not sleepy. You have the option of reading a book, listening to an album, watching a movie or playing a video game. Which do you choose? And what is the book/album/movie/game in question?

Chris Higdon: Reading in a vehicle makes me sick, so I would probably do the following on an eight hour trip: listen to Madonna, watch Pollock and play Tony Hawk 2.

What was the best live rock show you ever saw?

Chris Higdon: Foo Fighters with a 10 year old little boy, live at Ear-x-tacy record store. Most entertaining version of "Back That Thing Up" I have ever seen.

Scientists have suggested that trainspotting (the hobby of obsessively traveling rail lines, watching trains, cataloguing engine numbers, etc.) is a form of autism. What other so-called "hobbies" might actually be deep-seated psychological disorders?

Chris Higdon: Golf.

You're in an elevator with Mariah Carey, Marilyn Manson and George W. Bush. The elevator becomes trapped between floors. What happens next?

Chris Higdon: Beautiful people?

You've been given the opportunity to play -- all expenses paid -- in a foreign country that bands don't normally get to visit. You get to pick the country. Where do you go?

Chris Higdon: Cambodia. I like saying it.

What food item do you always eat, even though you shouldn't? And why shouldn't you be eating it?

Chris Higdon: Pizza. I cant stop. I eat whole pizzas at one seating...and sheet cakes -- I eat those at the same time. Peeps. I cant get enough Peeps. Cowtails, those chocolate cream filled creations from God. I'm on a diet.

Why are frogs amusing?

Chris Higdon: They stick to walls.

Your favorite broken-up band is going to reunite for one show only at the venue of your choice (yes, we know this is implausible. Who cares?). Who's the band, and what's the venue?

Chris Higdon: I hate bands that reunite.

Is the Internet destroying the English language?

Chris Higdon: Yes. I just received this as an email: "would like to hear yr band?" This was the first contact from some one at a label to us. I guess complete sentences and introductions are no longer needed.

Several US states have adopted "three strikes and you're out" laws, which basically mean that after you're found guilty of three felonies, you're imprisoned for life. How do you feel about that? Is it effective lawmaking, or needlessly harsh?

Chris Higdon: Anything based off a baseball term is a bad idea.

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Elliott, whose False Cathedrals was one of the best emo records of 2000 (no, sometimes that's not a contradiction in terms), recently jumped ship from a tour with the Toadies, but we're sure they'll be out on the road before summer is over.

-- George Zahora

Splendid is always looking for artists and bands who can answer our Pointless Questions quickly and cleverly. We mostly do them by e-mail, so they're quick and painless...unless you can't type. E-mail us for more information!
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