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You've been given a robot that can be trained to perform one standardized
task perfectly, as often as necessary. What do you train it to do?
Jonathan Fuller: Give interesting, poignant, and witty answers to interview questions.
Somehow you've gotten into a fight with someone twice your size. Where do
you aim the first punch?
Jonathan Fuller: I muster all my strength and punch myself in square in the groin. (I'm 6'4", and if someone is twice my size, I would rather fight myself.)
The "fast-forward" and "skip" buttons on all your stereo equipment are
broken, and you can't afford to repair them right now. For the time
being, you can only listen to albums from beginning to end, without skipping any
songs. What albums in your collection are still listenable?
Jonathan Fuller: I'm a pretty patient fellow, and I usually listen to records in their entirety anyway. So, you can take your question and go screw.
You've somehow been given the chance to spend the day with a character
(not an actor) from any film or television program. Who do you choose?
Jonathan Fuller: The scientist/inventor from The Simpsons, and I would visit him in cartoon form.
If you could instantly learn to play one instrument that you don't
currently play, what would it be?
Jonathan Fuller: Piano...(duh) Second runner up: cello (duh).
The people of the town where you were born want to name a building after
you. They've asked you to choose the sort of building that best matches
your personality. What kind of building do you choose?
Jonathan Fuller: Dairy Queen (interpret as you will).
What month of the year do you least anticipate? Why?
Jonathan Fuller: July. If they were gonna put a month next to June that's practically identical in every way, they could have at least made the name unique (and maybe they could have made the air less sticky).
What animal would you most like to house in your back yard, if you could?
Jonathan Fuller: A chimp, but I would keep him/her in the house. My associates and I have started a letter writing campaign to major corporations in an effort to increase the visibility of chimps and/or other primates in advertising. Watch TV for the effectiveness of said campaign.
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Jonathan Fuller: A rock star, or a fireman.
If you could buy any rare collection in the world, which collection would
you choose? (This doesn't have to be a famous collection...but it can
be.)
Jonathan Fuller: The Menil Collection.
You've been invited to perform as the middle act in a three-act bill. You
get to choose the other two artists. Who opens for you, and who follows
you?
Jonathan Fuller: Blonde Redhead, Engine Down, Led Zeppelin.
You've been placed in the Witness Protection Program, and must change your
name. You're able to pick your new name. What do you call yourself?
Jonathan Fuller: Phillip Shitte.
What lesson should the world learn from the failure of all those dotcom
businesses?
Jonathan Fuller: What do you mean, failure? I just secured financial backing for carrotpeeler.com, where I provide virtual carrot peeling solutions via the web, and I plan on making a killing.
What is the greatest invention of the last ten years?
Jonathan Fuller: Carrotpeeler.com.
What toy from your childhood would you most like to track down now?
Jonathan Fuller: The entire Tron toys line....especially the little glow in the dark dudes.
Assuming that money, legality, etc. is no object, what is your intoxicant
of choice?
Jonathan Fuller: I'll stick with alcohol, thanks.
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Splendid's Jason Jackowiak, in his recent review of Engine Down's A Sign of Breath EP, called the band "consummate innovators of the hardcore set." He also said "Though they are often unfairly lumped in with the seemingly endless glut of East Coast hardcore bands, Richmond, Virginia's Engine Down not only transcend traditional genre classification, but they expose many of those other groups as the soulless charlatans they truly are." We guess Jason likes them, then.
-- George Zahora
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