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Right now, with no advance notice, and for reasons we're not going to bother explaining, you must get rid of one album from your record collection. Which title gets the chop?
Pete Wentz: Snowdogs -- Why does anyone own this thing? I think it was free, or some kind of punishment.
You wake up one morning and discover that you've grown two feet taller overnight. How does it affect your life?
Pete Wentz: Wow, I'm normal height now.
What three things must a town or city have in order for you to be able to live happily there?
Pete Wentz: My dogs, my mom, and places that are open all night (restaurants, tattoo parlors, that kind of seedy stuff).
What's more important: good music or good food? And why?
Pete Wentz: Good music, 'cause rock'n'roll never made anyone fat.
Would you rather be anal probed by aliens or have a root canal without anaesthetics? Explain your choice.
Pete Wentz: Aliens, 'cause I am experimental like that.
You've just been elected to the US senate (if you're not a US citizen, please either pretend you are or move forward on the assumption that you've taken a similar government-type position in your own country). What's on your agenda legislation-wise?
Pete Wentz: Redistribution of wealth -- dismantling what has become the state/media connection. I dunno, lots of stuff. Senators can't really do shit. Committees bar too much change and make it slow, so none of this would happen anyway.
You've just won a contest in which the prize is your "dream car". What make and model of car do you choose? (And no, you can't just take the money.)
Pete Wentz: A DeLorean.
You can go back in time and kill one person without disrupting the space/time continuum, creating a paradox and causing the universe to collapse upon itself. Who would it be?
Pete Wentz: Hahaha. Jesus. Tell me how that's not gonna disrupt the spacetime continuum.
As an experiment, you spend an entire day with a stick of butter duct-taped to your forehead. What do you learn?
Pete Wentz: I think I did that. I got a crazy breakout going on right now.
What's the best way to spend a rainy day?
Pete Wentz: Watching witches melt from the safety of indoors.
What is the coolest animal to watch a nature show about?
Pete Wentz: Nature shows suck ass, though cobras are pretty sweet. Pretty much any animal that has a gang named after it is pretty bad ass. I would go for an animal combo, like a bear that carried a cobra -- total unstoppable force. Give that thing wings and humanity is fucked.
What do you do now, as a result of widespread internet access, that you didn't do ten years ago?
Pete Wentz: Get caught jerking off by my mom in a different room.
Who did you last give flowers and why?
Pete Wentz: My mom -- 'cause it was mother's day.
The thong: instrument of social change or harbinger of dark times?
Pete Wentz: It's like a target -- chicks love to hang out and sit on the side of the stage while we play and let their thongs creep on low rise jeans. It makes for more accuracy when my foot hits their asses (when I'm) kicking stage potatoes off...
Would you shop at a supermarket run by ninjas? Why or why not?
Pete Wentz: Ninjas suck. Weak question. They are so played out. Pretty much every dude in the world is either a ninja, a pirate, a detective or a zombie. I am a pirate, we know how to party. Side note: every girl is either a cowboy or an indian.
What article (or articles) of clothing do you wish you never had to wear again? Why?
Pete Wentz: Underwear. It's like a goddamned leash. It also constantly reminds me of how funny I look naked.
Taking into account all current political, social and economic situations, which country would you most like to be and why?
Pete Wentz: Sweden. They are like the country that is off smoking weed while everyone else is fighting on the playground -- then they come back with the munchies and pretend to not be stoned. So great. "Peace, man".
Ever written a letter to the editor? What publication, and on what subject?
Pete Wentz: I called into a radio show in third grade, called "Chet Coppock on Sports", and the guy said "It sounds like you are up past your bedtime". I don't even remember what I asked him but I don't think that was the answer I was going for.
What's the stupidest thing you've ever done while drunk? If you're a non-drinker, please limit your self-righteous response to 25 words.
Pete Wentz: "Street by street, block by block. Taking it all back. The youth immersed in poison turn the tide to counter attack. Violence against..." Earth Crisis.
What's your favorite thing to do when you can't sleep?
Pete Wentz: Write stuff, read stuff.
What are your fellow band members' most irritating habits? If you have no fellow band members, what are your own most irritating habits?
Pete Wentz: The list would go on forever, They smell bad, they talk only when I want hear a line in a movie, they talk loud when I want to sleep, they don't laugh at my most hilarious jokes, they use all the hot water... blah blah blah.
You're making a guest appearance as yourself in the TV show of your choice. What's the show, and how do you fit into the plot?
Pete Wentz: Definitely I would be a friend of Balki's on Perfect Strangers. How do I not fit in?
In three sentences or less, please give your opinion on the current state of the world.
Pete Wentz: Fucked.
A national guardsman from Ohio recently changed his name to Optimus Prime, after the Transformer. If you could change your name to anything, what would you change it to?
Pete Wentz: That's so effing lame. Dude was probably into Go-Bots. I'm not changing my name, I'm gonna sell it on eBay after I am world famous.
We're considering lobbying the government to pass a law banning the use of certain overplayed words -- for example, "new", "flaming" and "electric" --in band names. What other words should be banned?
Pete Wentz: Wow, that sounds like a way dumb way to spend your time. I would petition to bring words back like "boo yah, so very, Not, crucial" -- I dunno. If we never played with another Month band or The band, that would be okay, too.
Would you rather tour the world for a year, living out of hotels and minibuses, playing to sellout crowds but estranged from all meaningful interpersonal contact, or be crowned the next indie god(s) but be damned to a lifetime of college radio airplay, widespread obscurity and eventual golden years filled with soundtrack work?
Pete Wentz: Dude. We are into autographs and limo rides -- you think Jade Tree or Rev is gonna hook that up? I want to have shrimp cocktail buyouts and be paid in gold bars. Who wants to be, like, "Wow, a bunch of bald guys and fat chicks like my band"? Not me. Only other bald dudes are into that.
What's the most un-rock and roll hobby or interest you have?
Pete Wentz: Sports. I am a jock. Eff me.
What's the stupidest thing a reviewer ever said about you or your band?
Pete Wentz: That they didn't like the record. Haha.
Some of us have side gigs bartending. Help us out by making up a drink that we can name after you and sell to underaged girls in midriff tee-shirts.
Pete Wentz: Woo. I want to sell a bunch of chicks fake alcohol. You know, they'd pretend they were drunk -- it would be hilarious. Call it the Xmolotov cocktailX.
Which is a better reason for an r rating -- pointless, arbitrary violence or over-the-top kinky sex that has nothing to do with the story?
Pete Wentz: I stick to porn in the arena of my own home. I am a violence-in-movies kind of guy, all the way.
Which would be worse -- going three rounds with Mike Tyson, or having sex with Anna Nicole Smith?
Pete Wentz: Dude, Mike Tyson is bad ass. He would kick the shit out of that chick. Wait, I think I didn't understand the question...
What's in your fridge right now?
Pete Wentz: I don't own one. My mom probably has all kinds of treats in hers that she is just dying to cook for me.
What advice would you give to Michael Jackson?
Pete Wentz: Can't fuck with the Jackson Five.
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Fall Out Boy are currently touring behind Take This To Your Grave. The kids seem to like them.
-- questions assembled by the Splendid staff
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