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What band did you listen to most during the eighties? Do you still like them?
Aaron Distler: I listened to New Kids on the Block and Michael Jackson. However, I'm not a fan of the latter... He's grown into quite the freak and he's forgotten the formula for being the king of pop. NKOTB, however -- what's not to love? I listen to the tapes daily, and I looooove those singles from Jordan Knight and Joey McEntire that came out a couple of years ago. That shit is slammin'.
What is your worst memory of elementary school? Of high school?
Aaron Distler: Getting racked on the tether ball pole during recess by my peers. Then they threw my shoes on the roof and dropped me in a mud puddle... every day.
You're about to -- ahem -- get lucky. What album is playing in the background? Why'd you choose it?
Aaron Distler: Biz Markie -- fat guy beatboxing and singing "You Got What I Need". It makes the ladies moist.
What was the first thing you ever shoplifted? Why did you take it?
Aaron Distler: Magnetic earrings at the mall on a school field trip. Why? Who knows. I got caught and my school wasn't allowed to go on any field trips for the rest of the year.
If you could beat up anyone in the world and get away without the usual annoying real-world consequences -- jail time, lawsuits, bad press, etc. --who would it be, and why?
Aaron Distler: All of Congress. Don't you get sick of all the bipartisan bickering? And a majority of them are crooks anyways.
What's the biggest risk you've ever taken? Why did you take it?
Aaron Distler: I decided to become a man-whore. I needed money.
It's better to regret something you have done than it is to regret something you haven't done. What do you regret doing (other than agreeing to answer these questions)? Why did you do it?
Aaron Distler: Sleeping with this 300 pound woman named Roberta for 20 dollars and a free night at the Esquire Inn.
Did you go to your high school prom? If so, who did you go with?
Aaron Distler: Brooke Frary, my senior year. How's married life, Brooke? Thanks for not inviting me to your wedding.
What movie would you recommend to absolutely anyone? Why?
Aaron Distler: I recommend you all to not see Like Mike. But you should see Road to Perdition. Sam Mendes and Conrad Hall do some disgustingly good work.
For reasons we won't bother going into right now, you're going to be locked in the back of a truck for a sixteen hour drive between gigs. If you could have any musician, past or present, back there to keep you company, who would it be?
Aaron Distler: Keith Moon. Not my favorite drummer, but he'd definitely make it a party.
What is your strongest, most unshakeable belief?
Aaron Distler: That one day I'll play in a band that tours. Anyone need a drummer? E-mail me.
What's the worst band you've ever heard? Why do they suck?
Aaron Distler: Disturbed. One reason: "Are you ready for the sickness? Ooooh-Wah-A-Ah-Ah!"
If you were a porn star, what would your "porn name" be?
Aaron Distler: Dirk Distler.
You're on your way to a show, and all of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of a huge four-way battle between pirates, ninjas, robots and intelligent apes from the future. Your only hope of getting to your gig is to pick a side. Who do you join, and why?
Aaron Distler: I would pick the intelligent apes. For one reason -- they may be intelligent, but apes throw poop like every other monkey.
If you could sponsor any beverage -- appear in their ads, receive a lifetime supply and never be seen drinking a competing product -- what beverage would it be?
Aaron Distler: Falls City Beer (26 cents a can).
What's the best venue you've ever played? What's the worst? Why?
Aaron Distler: The Saint -- Asbury Park, NJ. That place was just rad, and the people were really nice, too. Or the now defunct Club 513 in Atlanta. The Cog Factory in Omaha was nice too. The worst being some club in New Orleans. We drove 12 hours to start off our tour to play for the bartender and didn't get paid. Thanks for promoting, bro.
What's wrong with Rolling Stone these days?
Aaron Distler: They're the equivalent to one of those touring machines (a la REO Speedwagon, Journey, Poison) that play the casinos and tiny amphitheaters, except on a much larger, grandiose scale. It's like, "Hey, we haven't had a hit in years, and we're broke, so let's go do a tour and charge $80 for a ticket. And hopefully we can replenish Keith's heroin stockpile."
Why are frogs amusing?
Aaron Distler: Are they?
You've traveled back in time and met yourself, age sixteen. What do you think?
Aaron Distler: I think I'd rack myself on a tether ball pole too.
Which would be worse: three hours on a bus full of four year-olds, or three hours on a bus full of eighty year-olds? Why?
Aaron Distler: Definitely the geriatrics. Kids would be screaming non-stop, the old people would be asleep after 15 minutes and a Highball.
The US government is considering far more aggressive regulation of leather pants. Under the new rules, who should or shouldn't be allowed to wear them?
Aaron Distler: All of the '80s hair bands are not allowed to wear them. And cut your hair! Times have changed, Sebastian Bach. And I believe that High School football coaches should be the only ones to wear leather pants.
What, in your opinion, is the best porn?
Aaron Distler: Midget.
What food item could you eat every day for the rest of your life without getting bored of it? What's so good about it?
Aaron Distler: Pizza... It's just good.
Will the next Star Wars movie suck? Why or why not?
Aaron Distler: I doubt it. That's gonna be the one that's all dark and maniacal. And they build the Death Star!
How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?
Aaron Distler: The Road Not Yet Taken.
Everyone's replacing their least-favorite body parts with cybernetic ones. Which part(s) of your body would you replace?
Aaron Distler: My man-boobies.
What topics or statements would inspire you to call in to a talk radio program?
Aaron Distler: I want to call in to Dr. Laura every day and tell her to stop ruining people's lives, and to never pose nude ever again. The shadow people are a good topic on Art Bell's Coast to Coast. That's some scary shit.
What album(s) should everyone be given on their eighteenth birthday?
Aaron Distler: 2 Live Crew's As Nasty As They Wanna Be.
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From the Higher Step web site:
Navigating the sound between broken hearts and the ever present promise of a better day, Five Star Theory have quickly established themselves as one of the most dynamic and energetic bands in the Midwest. Often lumped into the "emo" category due to the energy of their live shows and the earnestness of their lyrics, Five Star Theory's sound appeals to fans throughout the underground scene and beyond. Their sing/shout along anthems of youthful abandon are juxtaposed with quiet moments of reflection and frailty. This is a band channeling the sounds of the reckless abandon of youth crashing into the uncertainty of young adulthood. Simply put, Five Star Theory sound a lot like growing up. Their debut album, Your Life Is Passing By, introduces the band to the world in fine style, capturing the intensity of their live show, while giving the listener a better opportunity to absorb the nuances of their more melodic moments.
-- George Zahora
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