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Due to poor financial planning, you've got to eat for an entire week on only US$10. What do you buy, food-wise?
Dan Cole: Two loaves of bread, peanut butter and jelly, ham and turkey meat, Tabasco
sauce, one pack of hot dogs.
What's the worst injury you've ever suffered for your art (i.e. second degree burns from shorted-out mic, broken leg from failed stage dive)? Tell us about it.
Dan Cole: Nothing too serious from me -- but our bassist cut his playing hand open by
banging his bass too hard, resulting in him bleeding all over his instrument
and the stage. It shows how hard-core we are.
You've got unlimited funding and technical expertise to make an IMAX movie on the topic of your choice. What do you choose? Describe the obligatory vertigo-inducing camera shot that makes the entire audience clutch their stomachs.
Dan Cole: I've always been fascinated with skydiving, and I think it would be fun to
make a film about skydiving in various parts of the world. If we grabbed a
shot from the actual person skydiving, I'm sure that could potentially
cause a few people to close their eyes.
You've locked your car keys inside the tour van and don't have AAA. How do you get the door open?
Dan Cole: Break the window.
Ever find useful stuff in the garbage? Describe your best-ever dumpster find and how you used it.
Dan Cole: Now this is a great question! One time we successfully found several dozen
donuts in the Dunkin Donuts' dumpster, giving us food for the entire week.
Dumpster diving is a great American trade that unfortunately has been lost
over the years.
In the UK, trying to kill the Queen is still technically a capital offense. If the Queen tried to commit suicide and failed, could she be sentenced to death? Explain.
Dan Cole: No. The Queen couldn't commit any crime that could result in a death
sentence because she is a part of a coalition that runs the entire world.
Other members of the coalition include the Pope, President Bush, and Oprah.
If you were a 50ft high Tyrannosaurus Rex, would you use your powers for good or evil? Who would you go after first?
Dan Cole: Good, because good always conquers evil. I guess I would go after the
humans who made all ten of the Land Before Time movies, because they always
made the T-Rex out to be such a bad guy.
You've decided to write a musical. What's it about and who's the star?
Dan Cole: On a serious note, I would love to write a musical about King Solomon. I
would use the Old Testament in the Bible as the source for the script and
song lyrics. His life was extraordinary, and I suppose I would cast Brad
Pitt because he's the man.
What's your favorite board game? Why do you like it?
Dan Cole: Cranium; because it involves acting, humming, and clay.
Everyone likes at least one cheesy/crappy song that totally kills their cred. What's yours?
Dan Cole: I don't know. I'm a sucker for old Crooner songs. I could listen to Tony
Bennett or Sinatra all day -- the cheesier the better.
The standard touring vehicle is always a beat-up van. What has been the worst/weirdest method of conveyance you've had to use on a tour?
Dan Cole: Yesterday we had a blowout, and couldn't get the spare tire off, nor could
we get the flat tire off. The spare tire involves having to use a really
long socket wrench that we don't have, therefore we took a pair of pliers to
it -- which didn't work. We couldn't get the flat tire off because the bolts have
plastic caps on them, therefore we took a crowbar and banged on them for
about 30 minutes -- which didn't work.
What was the best meal you were supplied by a tour venue? What was the worst?
Dan Cole: Best: Skyline Chili dogs. Worst: Chicken wings that looked as if they had been sitting out for about a month.
Will it ever truly be possible to "rock the vote", or will apathy, indifference and laziness always triumph over activism?
Dan Cole: I don't know. I think a lot of the problem lies in the fact that there is
very little respect from our generation for the government, or any type of
authorities. It seems that most people my age would rather sit around and
complain about problems than take anything into action. I would also say
that many people make everything a joke, and take everything too lightly,
therefore causing apathy.
You discover a new disease, "(Your name here)'s Syndrome". What are its symptoms? What is the cure for "(Your name here)'s Syndrome"?
Dan Cole: "Cole's Syndrome" in which a person in unable to grow good facial hair.
Its cure involves rubbing peanut butter on one's face, and overnight facial
hair will grow. (If anyone knows about The Peanut Butter Solution, you
rule.)
If you could watch one historical event re-enacted by a cast of chimpanzees, which one would it be, and why?
Dan Cole: The O.J. Simpson trial in its entirety, because the chimps would act with
more sense than the cast of the "most-watched trial of all time."
What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen (and don't choose one of your own)?
Dan Cole: I once saw an extremely overweight guy at the beach who had the entire US
tattooed on his chest and stomach. The tattoo looked as if it was 20 years
old, and he originally got it when he was thin, so most of the South
stretched down a lot further than the rest of the country.
How long after an unopened gallon of milk's "use-by" date has passed would you be willing to use it?
Dan Cole: I always wait until milk smells bad -- I can't trust the date.
What is the most unusual item you've thrown up on/in?
Dan Cole: A boiling pot of water. Long story. I'll give the abridged version -- it
was a good prank that got way out of control. We thought it would be a good
idea to put curdled milk in grenade balloons and throw them at our friend's
apartment. Bad idea when vomit gets involved.
Do you prefer the term "underwear" or "underpants"? What does that say about you?
Dan Cole: I prefer the term "underwear" because I don't know anyone under 60 who
says "underpants". I guess that shows that I'm not from the 1940s.
You've been asked to submit an anecdote or "tip" to a book called Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned On Tour With My Band. What do you tell them?
Dan Cole: Learn how to sleep on hardwood floors.
Due to a breakthrough in technology, it's possible to learn any skill, no matter how complex, pretty much instantly, by uploading the information directly into your brain (yes, like in The Matrix). Unfortunately, you can only do it once. What skill would you learn, and why?
Dan Cole: I would learn how to breathe under water, so I could swim to the bottom of
the Atlantic and find out what's really going on down there.
A long-lost possession has turned up on Ebay, and you're prepared to pay much more than it's worth just to finally get it back. What is it? Why is it worth so much to you?
Dan Cole: Just one of the ten pairs of Reebok Pumps that I used to own as a kid. I don't
care if they don't fit anymore, I want Reebok Pumps to be in my possession.
You've been given the resources and financial backing to create a new satellite TV network that caters specifically to your tastes and the tastes of people like you. What's it called, and what does it show?
Dan Cole: My network would be called "Remember Television Without Reality TV?" The
daily and nightly line up would include (in no specific order): The original TGIF -- Family Matters, Perfect Strangers, Full House, Boy Meets World, Step By Step, Hangin' With Mr. Cooper, and Dinosaurs. Plus Seinfeld, The Wonder Years, Pee-Wee's Playhouse, and all the old-school
Nickelodeon shows.
Which is worse: downloading an album and burning copies for five friends, or shoplifting one physical copy of the same CD from an overpriced national retailer? Explain your answer.
Dan Cole: The first -- because at that point there would be five people who potentially
would never purchase that record.
What, in your opinion, is the best book ever written? And why?
Dan Cole: The Holy Bible, because it deals with every life issue, it's an historical document, and it's changed my life and the lives of millions of people
throughout the course of time.
Right this very second, what are you most looking forward to, and why?
Dan Cole: I am most looking forward to seeing my wife, because I haven't seen her for
three weeks.
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By the time you read this, Forever Changed will be done touring 'til the end of July, but you can catch their faith-based emo act in August at a Christian-oriented rock festival near you, if you think that's the sort of thing you'd be likely to do.
-- George Zahora
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