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Right now, with no advance notice, and for reasons we're not going to bother explaining, you must get rid of one album from your record collection. Which title gets the chop?
Darian Lizotte: It's a toss up between the first Color Me Badd LP and Mariah Carey
Unplugged They were both Christmas presents from relatives who knew I
was a music fan, and I never been able to bring myself to throw them out
because I felt too guilty. But wow, they sure are two of the worst things
ever.
You wake up one morning and discover that you've grown two feet taller overnight. How does it affect your life?
Darian Lizotte: Well, at first I'd feel like some kind of freak, but then I'd realize
that I could kick some serious ass at basketball, and that would make it okay
by me.
What three things must a town or city have in order for you to be able to live happily there?
Darian Lizotte: People that live for themselves, hot chicks and plenty of mini-golf (and
I mean plenty!).
What's more important: good music or good food? And why?
Darian Lizotte: Good music, because you can't rock out with a bean burrito.
Would you rather be anal probed by aliens or have a root canal without anaesthetics? Explain your choice.
Darian Lizotte: I'd have to go with the root canal because at least I could punch the
dentist in the face for being an idiot. I'm afraid of aliens... and also
of things going up my ass.
Why does the wheel in the sky keep on turning?
Darian Lizotte: Because Journey fucking rocks! Don't stop believin'!
You've just been elected to the US Senate (if you're not a US citizen, please either pretend you are or move forward on the assumption that you've taken a similar government-type position in your own country). What's on your agenda legislation-wise?
Darian Lizotte: I'd probably just kill myself for being in the senate for two reasons:
(A) I wouldn't want to become a corrupt scumbag, and (B) I would have to
listen to Hillary Clinton speak on a regular basis, which should drive any
good human to tears.
If the moon were made of cheese, what kind of cheese would it be made of? Please explain your reasoning.
Darian Lizotte: It would definitely be made of mozzarella because Dean-O said it best:
"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore." And who am
I to disagree with him?
You've just won a contest in which the prize is your "dream car". What make and model of car do you choose? (And no, you can't just take the money.)
Darian Lizotte: I'd probably buy a Benz, all pimped out, and then I'd sell it to some
rich white boy who wanted to be "down." Then I'd take all the ridiculous
money I made and buy a used Oldsmobile and spend the rest on new gear for my
band.
You can go back in time and kill one person without disrupting the space/time continuum, creating a paradox and causing the universe to collapse upon itself. Who would it be?
Darian Lizotte: That's a hard one, there are too many. Do I go with a worthless musician
like Kenny G or Bolton, or do I go with a terrible actor like Carrot Top?
I'll go with both. Fucking Hasselhoff, yer dead!!!
As an experiment, you spend an entire day with a stick of butter duct-taped to your forehead. What do you learn?
Darian Lizotte: I'd learn that even though I'm a greasy Italian, I could be a lot
greasier. I just need to duct tape a stick of butter to my head for a day.
What's the best way to spend a rainy day?
Darian Lizotte: Sleeping and having hot sex! OWWWWWW!
What is the coolest animal to watch a nature show about?
Darian Lizotte: The Crocodile Hunter. The best animal to watch is the actual Crocodile
Hunter himself. That guy is either fucking crazy, or the biggest idiot I've
ever seen. Either way it's the best.
What do you do now, as a result of widespread internet access, that you didn't do ten years ago?
Darian Lizotte: Spend time downloading every episode of The Twilight Zone and The Wonder
Years I can until I have every one (I never said I wasn't a loser).
Who did you last give flowers and why?
Darian Lizotte: My last girlfriend, because she deserved them.
The thong: instrument of social change or harbinger of dark times?
Darian Lizotte: Whatever it is, I sure do love them!
The police have just nailed you for some kind of minor infraction. What were you most likely to have been doing?
Darian Lizotte: Urinating in public, without a doubt.
Would you shop at a supermarket run by ninjas? Why or why not?
Darian Lizotte: Absolutely. There are three things in this world that are guaranteed to
make me laugh every time: pirates, midgets and ninjas! It would be my
favorite store.
What article (or articles) of clothing do you wish you never had to wear again? Why?
Darian Lizotte: That would be the Indian head-dress I always wear. People laugh at me
when I wear it (mainly because I'm not Indian) but I feel naked without
it... I'm just being me.
Taking into account all current political, social and economic situations, which country would you most like to be and why?
Darian Lizotte: Any country that has a majority of Latin girls in it. Because I'm sure I
could get at least one of them to go out with me.
Tell us about your weirdest experience with a fan.
Darian Lizotte: Well I don't really have too many "crazy" fan stories, but I have
depressing fan stories. They usually involve when everyone in Freya is
signing autographs except for me because I'm not one of the guys that used
to be in Earth Crisis.
When was the last time you had an entire day to yourself, and what did you do with it?
Darian Lizotte: The last day I had to myself I spent throwing up all over the place
because I had some weird virus or something. It was the best (the best = the
worst).
Ever written a letter to the editor? What publication, and on what subject?
Darian Lizotte: Yeah, I wrote to AP once because I couldn't take all the press they were
giving Insane Clown Posse. Come on, does it really get any worse than that,
people? I think not.
What's the stupidest thing you've ever done while drunk? If you're a non-drinker, please limit your self-righteous response to 25 words.
Darian Lizotte: I got so drunk that I passed out on one of my good friends. When he got
weirded out by one of his good male friends fell asleep on his thigh, he
obviously moved away. So then I passed out with my head against my friend's
girlfriend's boobs. It was amazing, but he was pissed.
What's your favorite thing to do when you can't sleep?
Darian Lizotte: The only thing I do when I can't sleep is get really pissed off. I
pretty much lay there pissed off until I finally fall asleep.
What are your fellow band members' most irritating habits? If you have no fellow band members, what are your own most irritating habits?
Darian Lizotte: There are certain members of my band (who shall remain nameless) who
never listen to me when I try to talk to them. Usually because they are
wrestling around or something...
You're making a guest appearance as yourself in the TV show of your choice. What's the show, and how do you fit into the plot?
Darian Lizotte: It would be the show Charmed and I would be Alyssa Milano's new
boyfriend. This would also develop into and "off-screen romance" and she
would be mine.
In three sentences or less, please give your opinion on the current state of the world.
Darian Lizotte: Fucked up, man... real fucked up. Seriously.
A National Guardsman from Ohio recently changed his name to Optimus Prime, after the Transformer. If you could change your name to anything, what would you change it to?
Darian Lizotte: Johnny Bigdicke.... or maybe something a little more laid-back, like
"Big" Dick McQuaid.
We're considering lobbying the government to pass a law banning the use of certain overplayed words -- for example, "new", "flaming" and "electric" -- in band names. What other words should be banned?
Darian Lizotte: "Hope", "Ashes", "Dies", or "Die".
Would you rather tour the world for a year, living out of hotels and minibuses, playing to sellout crowds but estranged from all meaningful interpersonal contact, or be crowned the next indie god(s) but be damned to a lifetime of college radio airplay, widespread obscurity and eventual golden years filled with soundtrack work?
Darian Lizotte: I'd go for the minibus, sellout crowd thing. I wanna be like the
Rolling Stones and never go away. Plus I don't think I'm cut out for
soundtrack work.
What's the most un-rock and roll hobby or interest you have?
Darian Lizotte: I love to watch the show Trading Spaces. I really, really do.
What's the stupidest thing a reviewer ever said about you or your band?
Darian Lizotte: More than one reviewer has compared my voice to the guy in Saves the
Day. Don't get me wrong, I do like Saves the Day, but I don't see a
comparison at all. It's just weird to get compared to someone that you
sound nothing like. One time a reviewer said I sound like John Waite, too
(you know the guy from Bad English?). I almost gave up music right there.
Some of us have side gigs bartending. Help us out by making up a drink that we can name after you and sell to underaged girls in midriff tee-shirts.
Darian Lizotte: Give them a Killian's Irish Red draft, call it the "Darian Special" and
if they question you, tell them to "shut the fuck up and drink it, orders
from the man himself".
Which is a better reason for an R rating -- pointless, arbitrary violence or over-the-top kinky sex that has nothing to do with the story?
Darian Lizotte: I like both of those things a lot. However, I think R ratings are stupid.
Which would be worse -- going three rounds with Mike Tyson, or having sex with Anna Nicole Smith?
Darian Lizotte: Definitely Anna Nicole Smith. She is fucking busted! Plus she is
probably the single biggest idiot on the face of the earth. At least you'd
get a sweet payday for getting your ass kicked by Tyson.
What's in your fridge right now?
Darian Lizotte: Tons of Tropicana Pure Premium, Original, No Pulp Orange Juice... Not
from concentrate, of course.
What advice would you give to Michael Jackson?
Darian Lizotte: Michael, you had your fun, now it's time to walk away. You can be a crazy
motherfucker all you want, but just walk away...
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Freya, as you may have heard, rose from the ashes of the infamous Earth Crisis. They're a bit less...earnest than Earth Crisis; our Steve Nelson put it best: "Fans who loved the intensity of Earth Crisis, but not their lefty-liberal views, will embrace Freya with a vengeance." Darian's answers were probably your first clue.
-- George Zahora
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