What is your least favorite article of clothing, and
why?
Joseph Grillo: I'm not a fan of the visor, I just don't understand. I mean what's wrong with sunglasses or a hat or both? Call me "crazy" but I can't get down.
What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?
Joseph Grillo: Nick Lowe is a pretty funny guy. Did you know that he forced Elvis Costello to use lots of hand-claps on his first record? Needless to say, Elvis was a little nonplussed.
If you could remove 20 CCs of fat from one part of your body and inject it into another, where would the fat come from/go to?
Joseph Grillo: We are such a weight conscious society. I think as protest I would remove all the fat from my genitals and place it in my thumbs.
What three essential accessories would be in your dream tour van/vehicle?
Joseph Grillo: Three beautiful girls who played instruments better than my present band-mates and were all madly in love/lust with me.
Which is more frightening: a venue full of people who
don't like your music, or a room full of
two-year-olds? Why?
Joseph Grillo: Well, our drummer J. used to be a rent-a-clown for parties in suburbia, so I would have to go with the former. He can make balloon animals and everything. Quite a handy guy.
Name three activities that would be more
interesting/entertaining/enjoyable with the addition of monkeys.
Joseph Grillo: The hunting, cooking and eating of other monkeys would be so amusing with a bunch of monkeys around to share in the whole event.
What are the best venue you've ever played? What's the worst? Why?
Joseph Grillo: We played a boy scout camp once in full class A uniforms, on top of the benches in their mess hall. That was pretty awesome for obvious reasons. Worst: we once played a Christian festival unbeknownst to us, and I made a few comments about how the younger generation doesn't believe in God anymore and how cool that is, and then the sound man turned my microphone off for the rest of the show. that was a hoot.
What was the last thing you watched on television?
How did you like it?
Joseph Grillo: Video tapes of the Upright Citizens Brigade, and it was phenomenal, because they are brilliant.
Describe your dream vacation.
Joseph Grillo: Driving around in a van with three beautiful girls who can play their instruments better than my current band-mates and are all in love/lust with me.
Does everyone need to own a computer? Why or why not?
Joseph Grillo: Absolutely. But surgically placed in their heads and then we can track everybody, all the time. Alright!
What activities (or whatever) are currently illegal,
but in your opinion shouldn't be? What activities
*are* legal, but should be outlawed?
Joseph Grillo: I think sex with dead bodies is perfectly fine. I mean, you're only hurting yourself, if that, and I don't see any reason why the law needs to get between me and another carbon-based mass of lifeless muck. (As for what should be outlawed) Free speech is so over-rated. You know, if you don't have anything nice to say, maybe you should be lined up and shot.
You have an eight-hour trip to your next gig. You're
not driving, and you're not sleepy. You have the
option of reading a book, listening to an album,
watching a movie or playing a video game. Which do
you choose? And what is the book/album/movie/game in
question?
Joseph Grillo: I would listen to Charlton Heston's narration of The Bible while touching myself and pretending it was a porn movie without sound. In fact, I think I'll do just that right now.
Who should be the leader of the free world?
Joseph Grillo: There's this guy, Mr. Butch, who lives in my hometown of Allston and he hangs out on the corner for a few hours sometimes, warbling into a broken clarinet and occasionally yelling, "I'm fucking Mr. Butch!" I would nominate him.
What was the best live rock show you ever saw?
Joseph Grillo: Ministry's live show in 1989 was pretty awe-inspiring. All heavy music needs to tip them the hat every now and again.
Scientists have suggested that trainspotting (the
hobby of obsessively traveling rail lines, watching
trains, cataloguing engine numbers, etc.) is a form of
autism. What other so-called "hobbies" might actually
be deep-seated psychological disorders?
Joseph Grillo: Drinking until you black out and wind up in the arms of a man named Shelby who is referring to you as his little spud might fall into that category as well.
You're in an elevator with Mariah Carey, Marilyn
Manson and George W Bush. The elevator becomes
trapped between floors. What happens next?
Joseph Grillo: Probably a very well-informed discussion of the intricacies of the global economy, and possibly a little Cribbage.
You've been given the opportunity to play -- all expenses paid -- in a foreign country that bands don't normally get to visit. You get to pick the country. Where do you go?
Joseph Grillo: Mars, it's just so far away and all the postcards that I get from there just look spectacular. That would be a dream come true.
What food item do you always eat, even though you shouldn't? And why shouldn't you be eating it?
Joseph Grillo: The heads of small children, and to tell the truth I'm not really sure why I shouldn't be. Let's just call in a hunch.
Why are frogs amusing?
Joseph Grillo: Beats me, but they sure are, aren't they?
Is the Internet destroying the English language?
Joseph Grillo: No, but it is wreaking havoc on the Cyrillic alphabet. Did you know that keyboards in Russia will all soon be in English only? Sad.
Several US states have adopted "three strikes and
you're out" laws, which basically mean that after
you're found guilty of three felonies, you're
imprisoned for life. How do you feel about that? Is
it effective lawmaking, or needlessly harsh?
Joseph Grillo: That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard. The privatization of the prison system has just done wonders for the way the US rehabilitates. Three strikes and you are out (out of the human race)? What is this? Case by case, my friend.
· · · · · · ·
If they haven't finished it already, Garrison is in the middle of working on a new
album, produced by -- go figure -- J. Robbins.
-- George Zahora
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