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What band did you listen to most during the eighties? Do you still like them?
David Koslowski: Echo & the Bunnymen. Yes, I still listen to them, but only
Crocodiles through the self-titled album.
Shirle' Hale: XTC. Yes, I still listen to them, especially Andy Partridge.
What is your worst memory of elementary school? Of high school?
David Koslowski: High School. In 9th Grade I was asked to read a sentence on the
blackboard during English class, I unfortunately replaced "organism" with
"orgasm". The teacher was a nun. The class laughed and I turned beet red.
Shirle' Hale: Elementary School: being given a Tic Tacs to eat by 8 girlfriends
who had been mad at me, but were acting nice by giving me some candy to
make up. Then they all laughed at me and told me they were from the
garbage can. High School: listen to our song "Lower Moreland".
You're about to -- ahem -- get lucky. What album is playing in the background? Why'd you choose it?
David Koslowski: Yo La Tengo's I Can Hear The Heart Beating As One -- it ebbs and flows
like good sex.
Shirle' Hale: Whatever David has put on, probably Yo La Tengo.
What was the first thing you ever shoplifted? Why did you take it?
David Koslowski: Variations, a mini porn publication, I was 14.
Shirle' Hale: Make-up because it was blue sparkle eye shadow and it called to
me. I was 11.
If you could beat up anyone in the world and get away without the usual annoying real-world consequences -- jail time, lawsuits, bad press, etc. --who would it be, and why?
David Koslowski: Jon Spencer, because my old band Liquor Bike opened for the Blues
Explosion in Texas and the show was sold out. After the show we went to get
paid and Jon pulled 27 sweaty crumpled up dollars out of his pocket and
threw them at our bass player's chest and said, "I shouldn't even have to do
this, man." Meaning...pay my band for opening the show. In other words, he's
just another money grubbing rock star who has no "Soul".
Shirle' Hale: The entire network of "Right To Lifers" because they are all Bible-toting hypocrites.
What's the biggest risk you've ever taken? Why did you take it?
Shirle' Hale: Having sex without a condom. I thought I couldn't get pregnant
(but I did - see Question #5).
What movie would you recommend to absolutely anyone? Why?
David Koslowski: Happiness by Todd Solondz. It's smart, funny and disturbing.
Shirle' Hale: Spinal Tap or Tommy Boy because I love to laugh and they are
both awesome.
For reasons we won't bother going into right now, you're going to be locked in the back of a truck for a sixteen hour drive between gigs. If you could have any musician, past or present, back there to keep you company, who would it be?
David Koslowski: Mark Mothersbaugh, I just love the music he did with Devo and the
concept behind Devo. I would have a million questions to ask him about what
made Devo such an important band.
Shirle' Hale: Andy Partridge. I think he would keep me laughing the whole time.
What is your strongest, most unshakable belief?
David Koslowski: To be honest and speak from the heart.
Shirle' Hale: That we create the things that happen to us, be it good or bad.
What's the worst band you've ever heard? Why do they suck?
David Koslowski: There are so many to name, but the band currently grating on my
nerves is the much over-hyped Bright Eyes. Sorry Conor, but you can't sing
and your songs seem so forced and insincere.
Shirle' Hale: REO Speedwagon, they make my skin crawl...the singer is soooo
gross.
If you were a porn star, what would your "porn name" be?
David Koslowski: Dick Fitzwell.
Shirle' Hale: Hotsy Hale (that was my nickname when I was 12).
If you could sponsor any beverage -- appear in their ads, receive a lifetime supply and never be seen drinking a competing product -- what beverage would it be?
David Koslowski: A port made by Fonseca.
Shirle' Hale: Justin Cabernet Sauvignon. It's the best wine I've ever tasted.
What's the best venue you've ever played? What's the worst? Why?
David Koslowski: Best: Cat's Cradle in Carrboro, NC. It's got a dressing room with a
private crapper, they disinfect their mics and it always sounds great! Worst: QE2 in Albany, NY. The whole time we were there I felt like I was going to be knifed. Very sketchy, dark and dangerous.
Shirle' Hale: Best: Lounge Ax in Chicago (RIP). It was always a pleasure to play
there. Wonderful staff, great sound and delicious Thai food (Noodles in a
Pot) right around the corner. Worst: I-ROC in Detroit. Heavy metal club that
was a nightmare. I'm sure it's still there in all its glory.
What's wrong with Rolling Stone these days?
Both: Everything.
Why are frogs amusing?
David Koslowski: Well, I'm really not sure if you're talking about the band or the
reptile. I don't really care for the band all that much, but I think the
reptiles make some really cool sounds.
Shirle' Hale: The reptiles are cute.
You've traveled back in time and met yourself, age sixteen. What do you think?
David Koslowski: Man, he smokes a lot of pot.
Shirle' Hale: Jesus freak, born-again and confused.
Which would be worse: three hours on a bus full of four year-olds, or three hours on a bus full of eighty year-olds? Why?
David Koslowski: Four year-olds would be the worst. They just don't shut up. The
80-year-olds would have interesting stories to tell and also sleep a lot.
Shirle' Hale: Four year-olds -- I can't deal with screaming babies, plus I could do
some quilting with the old ladies and listen to their stories.
What in your opinion, is the best porn?
David Koslowski: Free.
Shirle' Hale: Stories.
What food item could you eat every day for the rest of your life without getting bored of it? What's so good about it?
David Koslowski: Bananas, because I like everything about them.
Shirle' Hale: Eggs, because you can prepare them in various ways.
How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?
David Koslowski: Ask Bob.
Shirle' Hale: I don't know -- we haven't had a good wind blowing here in a long
time.
Everyone's replacing their least-favorite body parts with cybernetic ones. Which part (s) of your body would you replace?
David Koslowski: Hair.
Shirle' Hale: Legs.
What topics or statements would inspire you to call in to a talk radio program?
David Koslowski: The State of Music.
What album(s) should everyone be given on their eighteenth birthday?
David Koslowski: Devo's Duty Now For The Future, The Pixies' Doolittle & The B-52s' first album.
Shirle' Hale: XTC's English Settlement, Radiohead's OK Computer and Patti Smith's Wave.
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Gerty released Sweets from the Minibar late last year. According to our own Sarah Zachrich, "Sweets From the Minibar could easily be dismissed as nothing more than an '80s ripoff, and Gerty as a novelty act. However, that would be ignoring the modern sensibility that lies behind their homage. Oh yeah, and how really fucking good a job they do at it."
-- George Zahora
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