IF YOU WERE OFFERED A 60-SECOND SPOT DURING PRIME-TIME TELEVISION TO
SAY OR PROMOTE ANYTHING YOU WANTED, HOW WOULD YOU USE THE TIME?
Darren: I would sit there and fart and pick my nose.
YOUR HOME IS BURNING DOWN. EVERYONE -- FAMILY, PETS, ETC. -- IS SAFELY
OUT OF IT. YOU HAVE TIME TO GO IN AND "SAVE" ONE ITEM. WHAT DO YOU GO
AFTER?
Darren: I have an orange
lamp that's pretty.
IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO PISS OFF YOUR DENTIST, WHAT FOOD WOULD YOU
EAT RIGHT BEFORE HAVING YOUR TEETH CLEANED?
Darren: This a question I
dont paricularly care for. I am very grateful to my dentist at the moment
as he just did some emergency work to save me from excruciating tooth ache,
and he gave me loads of valium.
WHICH WOULD BE MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU: FREE HEALTH-CARE FOR EVERYONE,
OR A FREE COLLEGE EDUCATION FOR EVERYONE?
Darren: Free Health Care
obviously. The horse must always be placed before the cart.
OTHER THAN PLAYING MUSIC, WHAT OTHER SKILLS DO YOU HAVE THAT WOULD
ENTERTAIN A PAYING AUDIENCE?
Darren: I am an excellent,
excellent map reader. I could navigate the audience home after the show.
YOU ARE LOCKED IN A ROOM WITH A TICKING TIME BOMB. WITH 30 SECONDS LEFT,
YOU'VE GOT TO DECIDE WHETHER TO CUT THE RED WIRE, THE BLUE WIRE OR
THE GREEN WIRE. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHICH WIRE TO CUT?
Darren: What would be the
point of trying to apply a logic to it? I would close my eyes and just cut
one.
IF YOU HAD TO EAT THE SAME THREE MEALS EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE,
WHAT WOULD THEY BE?
Darren: Chicken Rogan Josh,
a cheese omlette, pasta and sundried tomatoes.
IF YOU COULD REQUIRE A VENUE TO GIVE YOU ANY ONE ITEM, HOWEVER EXTRAVAGANT,
BESIDES THE USUAL WATER/SODA/BEER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Darren: A laundry service.
WHAT BAD HABIT DO YOU HAVE THAT WOULD BE MOST LIKELY TO CAUSE YOU TO LOSE
A 9 TO 5 OFFICE JOB?
Darren: I have a terrible
memory, it would and nearly has lost me a job.
YOU'VE JUST FALLEN OFF A 200-STOREY BUILDING. THE FALL WILL TAKE AT LEAST 15
SECONDS. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ON THE WAY DOWN?
Darren: You see, I
understand why you ask these type of questions, and I'm sure there will be
many witty and varied answers to this one but the only truthful thing that
anyone could say they would think about is OH SHIT I'M GOING TO DIE!!! OH
SHIT I'M GOING TO DIE!!! OH SHIT I'M GOING TO DIE!!!
IF YOU COULD WALK INTO ANY PAINTING OR PHOTO AND ACTUALLY EXPERIENCE THE
MOMENT IT DEPICTS, WHICH PAINTING/PHOTO WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
Darren: A still from one of
the orgy scenes in Caligula.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE "SUPER POWER" (HEAT VISION, FLIGHT, ETC.), WHAT SUPER
POWER
WOULD YOU WANT?
Darren: The ability to
manage my accounts correctly and on time.
IF YOUR FANS DECIDED TO SHOW THEIR APPRECIATION BY THROWING SOMETHING "USEFUL"
AT YOU WHILE YOU'RE PLAYING, WHAT WOULD YOU MOST WANT THEM TO THROW?
Darren: The words and
chords to the songs.
IF, IN ADDITION TO YOUR CURRENT RESIDENCE, YOU COULD MAINTAIN ANOTHER HOME
ANYWHERE
IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Darren: New York, maybe
Berlin, maybe Brussells.
YOU'VE HEARD THE EXPRESSION "THEY COULDN'T PAY ME ENOUGH TO DO THAT JOB."
FOR YOU,
WHAT IS "THAT JOB"?
Darren: Pretty much
anything in the music industry other then the job I have, luckily.
WHICH WOULD YOU LEAST WANT POSTED ON THE INTERNET: NUDE PICTURES OF YOU,
OR YOUR
CREDIT CARD NUMBER(S)? WHY?
Darren: Doh! Credit Card
numbers!! I dont really need to tell you why, do I? You didn't mean to
ask that, did you? You didn't think it through, did you?
SUDDENLY, YOUR DENTAL WORK HAS STARTED PICKING UP A RADIO STATION -- 24
HOURS A DAY.
WHAT SORT OF RADIO PROGRAMMING WILL DRIVE YOU MAD THE FASTEST?
Darren: Interesting, you
have a dental fixation, like me. Any radio station would do it, none in
particular.
IF EVERYONE HAD TO WEAR A HAT AT ALL TIMES, WHAT KIND OF HAT WOULD YOU
WEAR?
Darren: A big ugly stupid
one.
WHAT WORLD RECORD WOULD YOU MOST WANT TO SET?
Darren: The funniest and
fastest ever completion of a questionaire from Splendid.
WHAT ANIMAL SOCIAL TRAIT DO YOU MOST WISH HUMANS WOULD ACQUIRE?
Darren: Not wiping their
arse after they shit, that would be great.
WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY WOULD YOU LEAST MIND HAVING AMPUTATED?
Darren: My mouth.
