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Right now, with no advance notice, and for reasons we're not going to bother explaining, you must get rid of one album from your record collection. Which title gets the chop?
Lance Watkins: Any of the records I have by George Harrison.
You wake up one morning and discover that you've grown two feet taller overnight. How does it affect your life?
Lance Watkins: My dick is gonna look even smaller now, what a gyp.
What three things must a town or city have in order for you to be able to live happily there?
Lance Watkins: Indian food, Thai food, and a drug dealer.
What's more important: good music or good food? And why?
Lance Watkins: You can survive on shitty food, but good music keeps you from losing your soul. So I'm gonna say music is more important.
Would you rather be anal probed by aliens or have a root canal without anaesthetics? Explain your choice
Lance Watkins: Probe me! At least there's some type of galactic mystery involved.
Why does the wheel in the sky keep on turning?
Lance Watkins: Because Journey had a remarkable marketing team that forever immortalized them in the land of Atari.
You've just been elected to the US Senate (if you're not a US citizen, please either pretend you are or move forward on the assumption that you've taken a similar government-type position in your own country). What's on your agenda legislation-wise?
Lance Watkins: Not to be afraid of blow jobs in the White House, making sure everyone knows I do drugs -- don't want any confusion. Oh, and yeah, that whole world peace thing.
If the moon were made of cheese, what kind of cheese would it be made of? Please explain your reasoning.
Lance Watkins: Goat cheese. That shit's great, and it's the most compatible with our enzymes.
You've just won a contest in which the prize is your "dream car". What make and model of car do you choose? (And no, you can't just take the money.)
Lance Watkins: A 1980s Trans Am -- black with the gold Firebird on the hood.
You can go back in time and kill one person without disrupting the space/time continuum, creating a paradox and causing the universe to collapse upon itself. Who would it be?
Lance Watkins: Tarbonoth -- the multiversal king of evil...And bad breath.
As an experiment, you spend an entire day with a stick of butter duct-taped to your forehead. What do you learn?
Lance Watkins: Butter stings when is gets in your eyes.
What's the best way to spend a rainy day?
Lance Watkins: Fucking.
What is the coolest animal to watch a nature show about?
Lance Watkins: Humans.
What do you do now, as a result of widespread internet access, that you didn't do ten years ago?
Lance Watkins: Answer Pointless Questions.
Who did you last give flowers and why?
Lance Watkins: My mother, because I love her.
The thong: instrument of social change or harbinger of dark times?
Lance Watkins: Paramiltary weapon.
The police have just nailed you for some kind of minor infraction. What were you most likely to have been doing?
Lance Watkins: Peeing on the side of a building.
Would you shop at a supermarket run by ninjas? Why or why not?
Lance Watkins: Fuck yeah. Ninjas kick ass. When I was a kid I was a ninja. I had the suit, throwing stars, the whole bit...
What article (or articles) of clothing do you wish you never had to wear again? Why?
Lance Watkins: The 1980s Visions Streetwear beret. Bad idea.
Taking into account all current political, social and economic situations, which country would you most like to be and why?
Lance Watkins: The United States. It's still the easiest place to follow your dream.
Tell us about your weirdest experience with a fan.
Lance Watkins: One time one of our guitar players accidently ended up with his dick in this girl's mouth. Did I mention she was married? Probably the liquor...
When was the last time you had an entire day to yourself, and what did you do with it?
Lance Watkins: Yesterday. I played music, read a paper on the "The Place of Consciousness in Our Reality", watched some Farscape, did some drugs.
What's the stupidest thing you've ever done while drunk? If you're a non-drinker, please limit your self-righteous response to 25 words.
Lance Watkins: I came to the conclusion that I had the ability to grab this girl's ass (while sitting next to my girlfriend), and that somehow that would be okay. And what's funny is that the girl didn't seem to mind and my girlfriend didn't notice. Go figure.
What's your favorite thing to do when you can't sleep?
Lance Watkins: Read.
What are your fellow band members' most irritating habits? If you have no fellow band members, what are your own most irritating habits?
Lance Watkins: Cigarettes and trying to shove various objects up my ass.
You're making a guest appearance as yourself in the TV show of your choice. What's the show, and how do you fit into the plot?
Lance Watkins: 90210. I'd be playing in the band that all the kids would be like "Oh, how cool, this is the best thing since George Michael!" about.
In three sentences or less, please give your opinion on the current state of the world.
Lance Watkins: We are in a state of global emergency. It's time for us to either evolve emotionally or prepare ourselves for the terrible payment for the overabuse of our technology. In the case of the evolutionary ladder, we need the planet. It doesn't need us.
A national guardsman from Ohio recently changed his name to Optimus Prime, after the Transformer. If you could change your name to anything, what would you change it to?
Lance Watkins: Tron's a good name. Sorta fits with the times.
We're considering lobbying the government to pass a law banning the use of certain overplayed words -- for example, "new", "flaming" and "electric" --in band names. What other words should be banned?
Lance Watkins: The.
Would you rather tour the world for a year, living out of hotels and minibuses, playing to sellout crowds but estranged from all meaningful interpersonal contact, or be crowned the next indie god(s) but be damned to a lifetime of college radio airplay, widespread obscurity and eventual golden years filled with soundtrack work?
Lance Watkins: If you play to sellout crowds at small venues, then you aren't disposed to be separated from interpersonal contact. That would be the route for us. No arena rock shit.
What's the most un-rock and roll hobby or interest you have?
Lance Watkins: Philosophy.
What's the stupidest thing a reviewer ever said about you or your band?
Lance Watkins: The shit about how hot our drummer is. What the fuck does that have to do with our music?
Some of us have side gigs bartending. Help us out by making up a drink that we can name after you and sell to underaged girls in midriff tee-shirts.
Lance Watkins: How about a "Nutty Russian" -- Grey Goose vodka, amaretto, Kahlua and cream.
Which would be worse -- going three rounds with Mike Tyson, or having sex with Anna Nicole Smith?
Lance Watkins: Having sex with Mike Tyson.
What's in your fridge right now?
Lance Watkins: A three ring binder.
What advice would you give to Michael Jackson?
Lance Watkins: Do another Pepsi commercial.
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According to our own Matt Pierce, "The seven cosmic tracks on Your Universe, Your Mind, are proof that Hypatia Lake are weirder than most noise and space-rock bands, but none stray far enough from power chord basics to take on any false airs. The resulting music, despite all of its fancy-schmancy naming, is remarkably grounded and accessible."
-- George Zahora
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