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You've been given a robot that can be trained to perform one standardized
task perfectly, as often as necessary. What do you train it to do?
Rory Phillips: I would train it to answer email. I like hearing from people, but I end up
getting the same thing a hundred times from a hundred different people, and
spend an hour a day spitting out the same response fifty different ways.
You are seriously ill. There are two vaccines that will save your life,
but both have side effects: one will permanently eliminate your sense of
taste, and the other will permanently eliminate all feeling in your
genitals. Which vaccine would you choose?
Rory Phillips: I would take the one that takes my sense of taste... but I think most people
would, wouldnt they? Reproducing is something I plan on doing one day.
Somehow you've gotten into a fight with someone twice your size. Where do
you aim the first punch?
Rory Phillips: The gut... And then I run. Fast.
The "fast-forward" and "skip" buttons on all your stereo equipment are
broken, and you can't afford to repair them right now. For the time being,
you can only listen to albums from beginning to end, without skipping any
songs. What albums in your collection are still listenable?
Rory Phillips: Radiohead's OK Computer, The Beta Band's Hot Shots II, The Strokes' Is This It?, Elliott Smith's Either/Or, Les Savy Fav's The Cat and the Cobra.
If given the perfect opportunity to be unjust, would a just person succumb
to it?
Rory Phillips: I think it's very dependant on the situation... but I think overall, everyone
has a point at which they will do things they otherwise thought they
wouldn't.
You've been asked to write the Encyclopedia Britannica entry on
yourself. What does it say?
Rory Phillips: Rory Phillips: talked a lot, but in the end said nothing.
You've somehow been given the chance to spend the day with a character (not
an actor) from any film or television program. Who do you choose?
Rory Phillips: Cartman from South Park.
If you could instantly learn to play one instrument that you don't
currently play, what would it be?
Rory Phillips: Piano... I can play, but I wish I could really play.
The people of the town where you were born want to name a building after
you. They've asked you to choose the sort of building that best matches
your personality. What kind of building do you choose?
Rory Phillips: Something gaudy but understated. The basement of a bathhouse or something.
What month of the year do you least anticipate? Why?
Rory Phillips: August -- Nothing but hot weather.
What animal would you most like to house in your back yard, if you could?
Rory Phillips: A tiger. A baby one. I love big cats.
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Rory Phillips: A comic book artist. I wanted to be the next Todd McFarlane.
If you could buy any rare collection in the world, which collection would
you choose? (This doesn't have to be a famous collection...but it can be.)
Rory Phillips: I would buy back my comic collection from when I was young. Lord knows
where it is now.
What's the best advice you've ever received? Who gave it to you?
Rory Phillips: "It's better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't
done." It was at the beginning of a Butthole Surfers record.
You've been invited to perform as the middle act in a three-act bill. You
get to choose the other two artists. Who opens for you, and who follows you?
Rory Phillips: Recover opens for us, because they are the best band I know personally, and
Fugazi would headline, because then I could die a happy man.
You've been placed in the Witness Protection Program, and must change your
name. You're able to pick your new name. What do you call yourself?
Rory Phillips: Drake Tungsten.
What lesson should the world learn from the failure of all those dotcom
businesses?
Rory Phillips: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
What steps should airlines take to help avoid a repeat of the September
11th tragedy?
Rory Phillips: I think the air marshals thing is a pretty good step, I suppose. I don't
consider myself really qualified to come up with amazing airline safety ideas.
What is the greatest invention of the last ten years?
Rory Phillips: The George Foreman grill. Holy shit, I love it.
Thanks to a breakthrough in technology, you can have a perfect
memory-recording of one event in your life. Everything is included --
taste, smell, sound, vision and feeling; it basically means that you can
relive the event over and over again. What event would you want to relive?
Rory Phillips: Playing an Impossibles show in Austin... It's my favorite thing ever.
What toy from your childhood would you most like to track down now?
Rory Phillips: This big Batman that I never had, but I remember seeing in a store, and still
wish I had it. It was a big Mego doll.
Assuming that money, legality, etc. is no object, what is your intoxicant
of choice?
Rory Phillips: E. Holy fuck.
Which is more dangerous in the wrong hands -- guns or knowledge?
Rory Phillips: I like to think knowledge is enlightening and therefore not dangerous... but
I have a feeling it could be worse than a bullet in the brain under the right
circumstances.
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The Impossibles are one of those rock 'n' roll miracles -- a band that split up, got back together after two years and was actually significantly better than they were before the split! This year's EP, Brick Bomb, completed the band's transition from a half-hearted ska outfit (pre-breakup) to a pleasingly melodic hardcore band...which, while still a dime a dozen, is better than ska. Well done, Impossibles! Watch for them on tour next year.
-- George Zahora
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