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Right now, with no advance notice, and for reasons we're not going to bother explaining, you must get rid of one album from your record collection. Which title gets the chop?
Jennifer Toomey: The Squeeze compilation that a certain record executive foisted on me in an
attempt to broaden my songwriting palette... I was never quite able to
appreciate such squeaky bouncing.
You wake up one morning and discover that you've grown two feet taller overnight. How does it affect your life?
Jennifer Toomey: I suppose it affects the height of my life.
What three things must a town or city have in order for you to be able to live happily there?
Jennifer Toomey: Heat... Friends... Bathtub.
What's more important: good music or good food? And why?
Jennifer Toomey: Good music. Ordinary food is pretty good when you are hungry but ordinary
music is not satisfying ever.
Would you rather be anal probed by aliens or have a root canal without anaesthetics? Explain your choice.
Jennifer Toomey: Aliens... Probing is under-rated.
Why does the wheel in the sky keep on turning?
Jennifer Toomey: Because Journey's independent radio promotion account is all paid up.
You've just been elected to the US senate (if you're not a US citizen, please either pretend you are or move forward on the assumption that you've taken a similar government-type position in your own country). What's on your agenda legislation-wise?
Jennifer Toomey: I throw out the recent FCC vote eliminating media ownership limits and I mandate public hearings for any media concentration changes. I would also require the FCC and other government regulation agencies to collect basic data on the industries they are regulating and hold that data in a public way so that citizens can understand what is happening to public resources. Then I would establish a seven year statute for all major label contracts. Once that was finished I'd figure out why the "richest" country in the world doesn't provide health care for its citizens and fix that. I would also establish graded licenses for webcasting so there would be an incentive for more people to build internet radio stations and then I would give the best of these low power licenses to compete with the homogeneous corporate dreck.
If the moon were made of cheese, what kind of cheese would it be made of? Please explain your reasoning.
Jennifer Toomey: I would have to plan a research mission to da Bruno's Cheese shop in
Philly's Italian Market to answer that question with any sort of scientific
accuracy.
You've just won a contest in which the prize is your "dream car". What make and model of car do you choose? (And no, you can't just take the money.)
Jennifer Toomey: Could you get the car and then sell it on eBay? If that were the case I'd do something macho... Like one of those 500k babies
in Seinfeld's garage that he never drives... Something another boy would spend 500k on used and then never drive. If we are talking street action... I'm up for a tricked out mini... Pale yellow with chocolate top or a VW convertible...but I mostly don't think
about cars, which is why the 1990 black Honda I drive looks the way it does.
You can go back in time and kill one person without disrupting the space/time continuum, creating a paradox and causing the universe to collapse upon itself. Who would it be?
Jennifer Toomey: If we get George Bush senior's dad, do we protect ourselves from the sons?
As an experiment, you spend an entire day with a stick of butter duct-taped to your forehead. What do you learn?
Jennifer Toomey: Just how stupid stupid questions are.
What's the best way to spend a rainy day?
Jennifer Toomey: Sleeping, Movies, Sex, Sleeping, Movies, Bath.
What is the coolest animal to watch a nature show about?
Jennifer Toomey: Whales / dogs.
What do you do now, as a result of widespread internet access, that you didn't do ten years ago?
Jennifer Toomey: Run a think tank.
Who did you last give flowers and why?
Jennifer Toomey: My friend Dorothy got married in a cubicle at the Arlington Courthouse.
I brought the kangaroo paw bouquet.
The thong: instrument of social change or harbinger of dark times?
Jennifer Toomey: Why floss when you can go commando?
The police have just nailed you for some kind of minor infraction. What were you most likely to have been doing?
Jennifer Toomey: Running another red light.
Would you shop at a supermarket run by ninjas? Why or why not?
Jennifer Toomey: Define Ninja.
What article (or articles) of clothing do you wish you never had to wear again? Why?
Jennifer Toomey: Hospital Gown.
Taking into account all current political, social and economic situations, which country would you most like to be and why?
Jennifer Toomey: Brazil... There's optimism, joy, resources, heat and room for improvement...
Do some little things there, and you've made some huge change...and in the
meantime, you get to be in Brazil.
Tell us about your weirdest experience with a fan.
Jennifer Toomey: Someone painted a picture of me and then sent me a photo of him holding it.
When was the last time you had an entire day to yourself, and what did you do with it?
Jennifer Toomey: Two weekends ago. Read, slept, ate, drank, wrote, kissed, sat in the sun, cooked.
Ever written a letter to the editor? What publication, and on what subject?
Jennifer Toomey: Bunches, bunches, bunches.
What's the stupidest thing you've ever done while drunk? If you're a non-drinker, please limit your self-righteous response to 25 words.
Jennifer Toomey: Threw up at the Prom... But then that's also the most traditional thing that
I have done drunk.
What's your favorite thing to do when you can't sleep?
Jennifer Toomey: I can always sleep.
What are your fellow band members' most irritating habits? If you have no fellow band members, what are your own most irritating habits?
Jennifer Toomey: Once you've been on the road for a couple of weeks there are times when the
mere fact that they are breathing can be annoying but that has less to do
with habits than proximity.
You're making a guest appearance as yourself in the TV show of your choice. What's the show, and how do you fit into the plot?
Jennifer Toomey: Oprah... I'm in the audience on the day she gives away all the cool stuff.
In three sentences or less, please give your opinion on the current state of the world.
Jennifer Toomey: In times of great lameness there is also great possibility for change.
A national guardsman from Ohio recently changed his name to Optimus Prime, after the Transformer. If you could change your name to anything, what would you change it to?
Jennifer Toomey: Pistachio Gelato.
We're considering lobbying the government to pass a law banning the use of certain overplayed words -- for example, "new", "flaming" and "electric" --in band names. What other words should be banned?
Jennifer Toomey: Synergy, moist, content.
Would you rather tour the world for a year, living out of hotels and minibuses, playing to sellout crowds but estranged from all meaningful interpersonal contact, or be crowned the next indie god(s) but be damned to a lifetime of college radio airplay, widespread obscurity and eventual golden years filled with soundtrack work?
Jennifer Toomey: And you are asking me this question because?
What's the most un-rock and roll hobby or interest you have?
Jennifer Toomey: Lobbying and musicals.
What's the stupidest thing a reviewer ever said about you or your band?
Jennifer Toomey: All reviewers are geniuses...who am I to criticize them (or even to read
them)?
Some of us have side gigs bartending. Help us out by making up a drink that we can name after you and sell to underaged girls in midriff tee-shirts.
Jennifer Toomey: Insane Passion (Tazo passion fruit tea and tequila).
Which is a better reason for an R rating -- pointless, arbitrary violence or over-the-top kinky sex that has nothing to do with the story?
Jennifer Toomey: Are these two things distinguishable?
Which would be worse -- going three rounds with Mike Tyson, or having sex with Anna Nicole Smith?
Jennifer Toomey: Are these two things distinguishable?
What's in your fridge right now?
Jennifer Toomey: Olives, cheese, Toddy cold pressed coffee, milk, mayo, jam
tortillas, keifer, spinach empanadas.
What advice would you give to Michael Jackson?
Jennifer Toomey: More rock, less talk.
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To learn more about Jennifer Toomey and the issues near and dear to her heart, please visit the Future of Music Coalition and JennyToomey.com. Plan on spending at least an hour afterwards feeling shitty about your own shallow life.
-- George Zahora
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