YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN A CHANCE TO TRAVEL IN TIME TO THE YEAR 2025 TO SEE HOW THE WORLD WILL HAVE CHANGED. WHAT ARE YOU THE MOST CURIOUS ABOUT?
Arlie Carstens: If I'm alive would probably be the first thing I would want to know.
Secondly, I'd want to know if Teva sandals and those wide/long-brimmed
baseball-hat sort of things kayakers wear have finally gone out of vogue.
Additionally, if polar fleece vests and jackets had lost favor with the
hum-drum masses. That shit is so wack and yet, everywhere we go in our
hometown of Seattle there it is. Basically, I want to know if 2025 wears
pants and t-shirts, or if lame, short cargo shorts, "sport sandals" and
mullets have totally taken over.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANYTHING IN THE WORLD COMPLETELY TO
YOURSELF FOR ONE DAY -- AND OBJECT OR PLACE -- WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Arlie Carstens: My sister. Alive and visiting with me. Talking with me about her absence,
while I just enjoy her presence.
IF A MOVIE WAS MADE ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WHERE WOULD IT BE
SHELVED IN THE VIDEO STORE?
Arlie Carstens: Somewhere between Hearts of Darkness (the documentary on the making of
Apocalypse Now) and the complete works of Bill Murray and Bette Midler.
YOU'RE GUEST-HOSTING A NIGHT-TIME TALK SHOW FOR ONE NIGHT
ONLY. WHO WOULD BE YOUR IDEAL GUESTS?
Arlie Carstens: Dan Higgs (aka Brown Santa), the singer for Lungfish, duh. He would just be
the most amazing guest. Lungfish would play not as the musical guests but
as the night's surrealist performance art piece/public service
announcement. Gilda Radner (brilliant wonderful lady actor and comedian, may
her soul rest in peace). Can the people I want be deceased? Fuck it,
Gilda's who I'd want. Paul Bowles (the writer). He's not funny at all but nonetheless, a
fascinating person who lived a very long and interesting life as a
expatriot American in Tangiers, Paris and South America. His lack of a
sense of humor would be my foil. Musical guest: Mark Hollis solo and/or with his former band Talk
Talk (playing songs from the album "The Laughing Stock").
IF YOU JOINED THE CIRCUS, WHAT WOULD YOU DO THERE?
Arlie Carstens: I would sell peanuts while sweating uncomfortably in a stuffed bear suit.
Riding a unicycle of course. When not in the bear suit I would shag bearded
midget ladies and snake-boys between trips to the water cooler and catering
tent. I would terrify and delight children. I would eventually set fire to
the whole thing and leave under cover of darkness. Never to be seen again.
WHAT PERSON -- FAMOUS OR NOT -- CAN YOU IMITATE BEST?
Arlie Carstens: Chris Carnel (friend, and professional skateboarding/snowboarding
photographer and co-owner of Heckler Magazine). The human potato-bug is any
easy one to imitate. Roll yourself into a ball, laugh frequently but
hesitantly, talk in obscure camera-geek lingo between rants on commerce and
the destruction of everything that once was good but now has gone terribly,
irrevocably bad, eat only mexican food from Taco John's in Reno, NV, and
play air guitar along to Joe Satriani and Pantera CDs. To Carnel, Life is
chronic post-nasal drip. Imitate accordingly. Amazing. None other like him
on the planet.
IF YOU HAD TO EITHER WALK OR RUN TEN MILES EVERY DAY, WHERE
WOULD YOU WANT TO DO IT?
Arlie Carstens: In Ravenna Park by my house. Or on a beach in some tropical locale while weeping softly to myself in the pale moonlight. Cheemo blasting from my Sony DiscMan headphones.
WHAT'S THE BEST SONG EVER WRITTEN?
Arlie Carstens: The one Lungfish keeps writing. Year after year. Album after album.
YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN A POTION THAT ALLOWS YOU TO BECOME
INVISIBLE FOR EXACTLY ONE HOUR. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO FOR THAT HOUR?
Arlie Carstens: Assasinate certain key public, private and economic figures. Oh wait, one
hour? That's not long enough to do anything of real merit. Get a sandwich.
Watch the sun set.
YOU'VE JUST WRITTEN YOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHY. WHAT'S IT CALLED?
Arlie Carstens: The Frame Will Collapse
WHAT'S THE LONGEST YOU'VE EVER STOOD IN LINE? WHY'D YOU DO
IT?
Arlie Carstens: DMV (Dept. OF Motor Vehicles). 4 hours maybe? Lines, peoples, crowds of the
peoples, all that standing bullshit I've spent my life trying to avoid. So
I go do "line-oriented" stuff during non-peak hours generally. Lines are
for nerds. Lift lines at ski areas during avalanche control work is about
the only time I feel good about being in a line. Safety first!
IF YOU COULD HAVE 100 POUNDS OF ANYTHING (OTHER THAN MONEY),
WHAT WOULD YOU WANT?
Arlie Carstens: Gold ingots? Venison jerky?
WHAT THOUGHT OR SENTIMENT WOULD YOU LIKE TO PUT INTO ONE
MILLION FORTUNE COOKIES?
Arlie Carstens: Drink more water.
MICROSOFT OFFERS YOU $5 MILLION (US) TO USE ONE OF YOUR
SONGS IN ALL WINDOWS MILLENNIUM ADVERTISING. DO YOU TAKE THE MONEY?
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH IT?
Arlie Carstens: YES. I'd spread it around and make my life and the lives of my many other
friends better from my ill-gotten gains. Without a doubt.
WHAT ARTICLE OF CLOTHING SHOULD NEVER BE MADE OUT OF
LEATHER, AND WHY?
Arlie Carstens: Baseball hats and fanny packs. Need I explain?
IF YOU COULD DO ONLY ONE JOB, 8 HOURS A DAY, 5 DAYS A WEEK
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD YOU WANT THAT JOB TO BE?
Arlie Carstens: I have no idea. All things should change, especially jobs.
WHAT IS THE MOST THOUGHTFUL THING A VENUE HAS EVER DONE FOR
YOU?
Arlie Carstens: Protected our equipment, fed us, paid us fairly and given us a place to
sleep, and invited us back. The simple things, the kind-hearted things like
this mean so much when a band is on tour. Just basic warmth and
unconditional help can make a band feel so good. Did I also mention
hummers? Or not.
WHAT IS THE WORST WAY TO DIE?
Arlie Carstens: Slowly and of a terminal illness while everyone you love and who loves you
watches you fade into the shadow of your former self.
IF YOU COULD BE THE SPOKESPERSON FOR ANY PRODUCT ON THE
MARKET, WHAT PRODUCT WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO REPRESENT?
Arlie Carstens: Honda motorcycles from the early to mid 1970's.
IF YOU HAD TO JOIN THE CAST OF ONE OF THE CURRENT CROP OF
REALITY TV SHOWS, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
Arlie Carstens: I haven't seen even one of those shows yet so I have no idea what any of
them are about. Other than that one where they put a bunch of ding-dongs on
an island and they all have to do something or other while getting evicted
by their peers. Some such silliness. I haven't seen it so my facts aren't
straight. Whatever, step away from the TV camera and go rent a canoe, bring
sunscreen, eat watermelon with your dad.
