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You can choose to have one -- and only one -- super power. Other than gaining that power, you remain exactly the same as you are now. What super power would you pick, and why?
Zack Wentz: Being able to time-travel sounds ideal, because you could conceivably avoid or fix all sorts of events. Of course, I suppose that ultimately takes the "fun" out of it all and who knows how much worse that particular skill would actually make my life. I suppose being able to teleport could come in handy and not really mess up the metaphysical scheme of things so much.
What was your favorite day job, and why? If you hated them all, what was the best (meaning most interesting) way you ever quit a job?
Zack Wentz: I've been fired from, or walked out of, almost every job I've ever had. One of them was the working graveyard shift at a fruit cannery where I was on the belt sorting. One night I just couldn't take it any more and walked out. I also couldn't bring myself to locate the person who usually gave me rides to tell them I was leaving, so I walked home alone -- several miles away. It was a good long walk.
We've all heard variations on the phrase "there are two kinds of people in the world... Those who (do or think something) and those who (do or think something else)". What are the two kinds of people in the world for you?
Zack Wentz: There are people who don't support George W. Bush and there are recklessly dangerous imbeciles.
If money/ambition/significant others/et cetera were all non-issues, where would you choose to live and why?
Zack Wentz: San Diego isn't bad, but yeah...it's a little spendy. I suppose somewhere with similar weather would be nice, but maybe in a country where the "leader" isn't such a fucking sanctimonious psychopath (see answer to last question).
You've been given the money and resources to produce a movie biography of the most significant, influential person in your life. Who's it about, what's the story, and who plays the central character?
Zack Wentz: I don't think I could say who the most significant, influential person in my life has been. Biographies are best suited for dead people, so I don't even want to mention anyone I know. I think a good film about Philip K. Dick when he started to really lose his shit would be excellent, complete with hallucinations about the Roman Empire and receiving communications from alien satellites (alleged hallucinations, that is). Christopher Walken would do a great job. Nietzsche was a big deal for me from mid high-school on. Have avoided him for years and don't know how good he was for me, in retrospect, but a solid film on his life would be nice. Hell, Christopher Walken could play him too. Either Walken or Gary Oldman. Oldman is good. Anybody who can play Beethoven, Sid Vicious and Count Dracula convincingly could do a great Nietzsche.
Summarize your driving ability in 25 words or less.
Zack Wentz: I don't know how to drive.
What is the function of your music in a capitalist society?
Zack Wentz: Function for who? Myself? The band? The label? The fans? The people who hate us? A lot of different potential functions and the functions change with the circumstances. To be simple and to try to get at what I think you're asking: for now, from my perspective, it's a way to make a meager amount of money by effectively channeling the severe anxiety of being unemployable and poverty stricken.
You've just entered a contest in which the prize is an MP3 player loaded with the complete, exhaustive recorded output of any artist you choose. You win. Who do you choose?
Zack Wentz: Slim Gaillard or Crass.
What are you carrying on your person -- in your pockets, purse, et cetera -- right now?
Zack Wentz: Keys, two black pens and a wallet (sans money).
You're on tour, you're in an unfamiliar city, you haven't eaten in 24 hours, and due to some poor financial decisions, you have only a single unit of the local currency -- one dollar, one pound, or thereabouts. What do you eat?
Zack Wentz: Beer. Unless the local currency is beer (perhaps somewhere in Wisconsin?), in which case I would eat the currency.
What was the last song you danced to? Who, if anyone, did you dance with?
Zack Wentz: Something with K8 in the kitchen of our house. I was too drunk and can't remember what it was. Something beautiful, I'm sure. It felt that way.
Beautiful.
When did you last make a mountain out of a molehill?
Zack Wentz: When don't I, is the real question.
Post-Schwarzenegger, are there any high-profile people you'd like to see run for governor or other high office? Who and why?
Zack Wentz: I wouldn't wish it on anybody I actually like or admire. The whole system is so miserably corrupt I don't think it makes a difference. Arnold is just the latest version of Ronald Reagan and I'm scared of him and what he'll do, ultimately. I hear they're trying to change the law so people born out of the country can run for the presidency. Fine with me, but seems like they're just grooming him for it. Of course nobody could be worse than Bush (knock on wood).
Apart from cheeseburgers, what is the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast?
Zack Wentz: Cheeseburgers? Well, you certainly are setting some high standards to top.
I actually don't like to eat in the mornings. Fruit always seems like a good idea. On tour, beer usually wins.
You receive a series of e-mails stating that Grace Jones, Junior Brown, Missy Elliott, Ian Mackaye and Philip Glass are interested in a collaboration. How do you respond to each request?
Zack Wentz: Hey Grace -- I'd totally love to do it. K8 gets to design your outfits and I'll make the beats and mumble along a bit. How does a Skinny Puppy cover sound to you?
Hit me back!
xoxoxoxo
Zack
Dear Junior -- Thanks for writing. I'm sorry, but I've never heard any of your stuff. Send me a demo and a 500 word personal essay on your feelings about Skinny Puppy.
xoxoxoxo
Zack
Hey Missy -- How's it going? I've heard a lot about you. Okay, why don't we try making something with this old vacuum cleaner, a couple of contact mics, a cassette four track and about ten cases of beer? Lemme know.
xoxoxoxo
Zack
Ian! Let's do it. You bring the beer. I'll bring the spare ribs and the BBQ.
Just kidding. Let's do something like Pailhead with a little Embrace in there. You fucking changed my life at 15 and I heard you love Motörhead.
You will always be cool in my book. Peace, Bro.
xoxoxoxo
Zack
Hey Phil -- Great to hear from you. Sounds fabulous to me. Maybe we can get Richard D. James and that Bowie guy to sit in. Got Dick's e-mail address? I seem to have lost the last one I got from him somewhere in this damn mess. Gebback, my man, and take care.
xoxoxoxo
Zack
Have you ever seen a ghost? Or a dead body? Tell us about it.
Zack Wentz: I haven't seen either, as far as I'm aware. Would prefer to encounter the former. It would make me less freaked out about inevitably ending up one of the latter.
Everyone can do at least a couple of decent imitations -- of celebrities, maybe, or associates, friends and family. Who can you "do"?
Zack Wentz: I can do Mr. Jinks, the cat from that old "Pixie and Dixie" cartoon, pretty well, but I guess that's not a far cry from how I normally talk anyway.
What was the last book you read and hated? Why did you hate it?
Zack Wentz: I was really bummed out by the Andrew Vachss novel Blue Belle. I heard from a few people that he was great, but it was one of the most macho, stupid and juvenile excuses for a piece of hard-boiled fiction I had ever read. He's written a ton, so maybe I should try another before I condemn his work altogether, but that was seriously a fucking trial to finish.
Let's assume that God is a DJ. What's on his playlist right now?
Zack Wentz: Also assuming there really is this kind of cartoonish, Judeo-Christian, proto-human, white-bearded super being who hangs out in a purer dimension, I'd think he spins a lot of Deicide, chuckling benevolently to himself and singing along. In more modest, low-key moods he probably listens to things like "It's the End of the World as We Know It" by R.E.M. and "Dear God" by XTC. Not too difficult to think of God as a DJ, really. So many DJs already seem to think they're God.
Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Why?
Zack Wentz: I wasn't really too crazy about any of them. I was so fucking miserable I don't think I was capable of giving any of them any credit. Had an English teacher named Mr. Vallette, or something like that, who tried to be nice. He had a pony tail and loved Robert Bly. He also explained to me what the word "prolific" meant and that's given me a headache ever since.
What is your favorite Meg Ryan movie?
Zack Wentz: I'm not sure I know which one Meg Ryan is. Seems like I've done well enough having gone without seeing any of her pictures so far, so let's just keep it that way.
What is your favorite "comfort food" when you're on tour?
Zack Wentz: Macaroni and Cheese. Always. On tour or not.
Tell us about the least likely place you ever sent a CD/demo. Why did you send it? What happened?
Zack Wentz: I don't know...K8 sent some stuff and a letter in Icelandic to Björk once, because she's a huge fan and happens to speak a little Icelandic. It was more of a "gift from a fan" than anything else, really. Haven't heard back, so I hope K8 didn't accidentally write something like, "My head is in the great toilet for your love!"
What essential item are you most likely to leave at home when you're heading out on tour? What do you do about it?
Zack Wentz: I'm severely obsessive/compulsive. I never leave anything. Of course now that I've said that I'm going to have to knock on wood 86 times and go check to see whether the stove is on 16 times over the next two hours.
Aliens have just landed, and you get to select the Earth's goodwill ambassador. Who do you pick, and why?
Zack Wentz: Art Bell or Colin Wilson would probably do a pretty good job. If the aliens seem at all inclined towards eating people, I'd send George W. Bush.
You wake up one morning and discover that you have dolphin telepathy. What do you do with it?
Zack Wentz: I already have it. It's miserable. However, I almost always know who's calling when the phone rings in the morning and that helps a bit.
You've just been hit in the face with a large chocolate cream pie. How do you react?
Zack Wentz: With several napalm and broken glass filled croissants.
Assuming that you must choose one, which would you rather listen to for an hour: Christian rock, mainstream country or Jessica Simpson?
Zack Wentz: Who is Jessica Simpson? Better go with her. I already know what I'd be getting into with the first two, so at least it'd be something unexpected.
What's the deal with those damn raccoons?
Zack Wentz: I have no idea. They get in our garbage when we camp and scratch the side of the van. Scary things. Like bands of small, criminally-minded bears...
What is the most awkward moment in which you have caught a person adjusting, scratching, or otherwise handling his or her own genitals?
Zack Wentz: I've never found it awkward or met anybody who seemed to mind doing that sort of thing in public. Maybe the people I hang around are too disgusting. Or maybe I'm too disgusting and I attract those kinds of people.
Where do you think Osama Bin Laden is hiding and what would it take to get him to come out?
Zack Wentz: He's at Bush's Texas ranch and they'll probably "find him" right before Bush needs to get re-elected (not that we elected the fucker in the first place).
You're sitting in a pub when an errant dart from the games area strikes you in the leg. With the dart pointing out of your body, do you pull it out, shout for help or attack the jackass who hit you?
Zack Wentz: I'd just leave it in there and walk around the rest of the night with a dart hanging out of my leg. Might guilt trip the person into buying me a beer.
What would you consider to be the worst fate imaginable for your music, and which contemporary artist would you most wish this terrible end upon?
Zack Wentz: I guess it would be bad if nobody listened to it. The worst contemporary people out there right now will end up like that eventually, so no worries.
What is sexy?
Zack Wentz: My problem is, what isn't? Dogs and babies are not sexy. Just about everything else has grabbed me at one time or another (back to the "disgusting" thing).
What is the strangest thing you've ever had for breakfast?
Zack Wentz: Beer and wedding cake, both left over from my own wedding.
Which non-music related product (i.e. -- no instruments, microphones, etc.) would you most like to be a celebrity spokesperson for?
Zack Wentz: I hate Kraft as a company, but I'm horribly addicted to their macaroni and cheese. I believe they call mac n' cheese junkies "Blue Box Kids" and have actually held "I want the blues" contests for these pitiful yellowing husks of starch-damaged humanity. I don't know if I could endorse any of their products, but maybe could try to help lead a 12-step support group a decade from now or something like that.
Describe the skankiest, sketchiest place -- whether it's someone's home or a hotel/motel room -- that you've stayed in while on tour.
Zack Wentz: There was one place somewhere in Ohio. Just a trashed punk kid house. The band we were with actually pitched a tent in the living room and slept in there because they didn't want to make physical contact with the floor, if that tells you anything.
If you had an army of super-intelligent lab mice to do your bidding, what evil deeds would you have them do?
Zack Wentz: I do have an army of super-intelligent lab mice. I can't reveal what they're supposed to be up to, but haven't heard back from them in a while so I'm not sure they're doing the best job. Being super-intelligent, they've probably outsmarted me. "I hate those meices to pieces!" By the way, did I mention how much I loathe George W. Bush?
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In addition to playing in Kill Me Tomorrow and, I believe, working on the novel based on The Garbageman and the Prostitute (due this fall from Chiasmus Press), Zack Wentz plays in Tender Buttons with his wife, fellow KMT-member K8. Tender Buttons are opening for The Album Leaf on their current tour -- in fact, they're in Seattle tonight. You should go see them.
-- George Zahora
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