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Lake Trout's Mike Lowry hooks a few POINTLESS QUESTIONS

Lake Trout
Lake Trout

Read Splendid's review of Another One Lost, visit or buy Lake Trout stuff at Insound.

Right now, with no advance notice, and for reasons we're not going to bother explaining, you must get rid of one album from your record collection. Which title gets the chop?

Mike Lowry: Miles Davis's You're Under Arrest. Have you ever heard this record?

You wake up one morning and discover that you've grown two feet taller overnight. How does it affect your life?

Mike Lowry: I move to the city and become a toy store executive while searching for that Zoltar machine that made me "big".

What three things must a town or city have in order for you to be able to live happily there?

Mike Lowry: Good public transportation, video store and a library.

What's more important: good music or good food? And why?

Mike Lowry: You can't get fat off of good music.

Would you rather be anal probed by aliens or have a root canal without anaesthetics? Explain your choice.

Mike Lowry: The fact that I am being anally probed will probably be dwarfed by the experience of coming into contact with an alien form beyond my comprehension.

Why does the wheel in the sky keep on turning?

Mike Lowry: Ask Tina Turner.

You've just been elected to the US senate (if you're not a US citizen, please either pretend you are or move forward on the assumption that you've taken a similar government-type position in your own country). What's on your agenda legislation-wise?

Mike Lowry: Free health care for everyone! More funding for the arts. Ban reality TV. Declare a "Dress like your favorite Simpson Day" on Capitol Hill, they need to loosen up up there.

You've just won a contest in which the prize is your "dream car". What make and model of car do you choose? (And no, you can't just take the money.

Mike Lowry: Harrison Ford's car in Blade Runner.

You can go back in time and kill one person without disrupting the space/time continuum, creating a paradox and causing the universe to collapse upon itself. Who would it be?

Mike Lowry: The head of our old label, Greg Montgomery.

As an experiment, you spend an entire day with a stick of butter duct-taped to your forehead. What do you learn?

Mike Lowry: Great way to get people to buy you drinks. Suddenly you're more popular than Jesus.

What's the best way to spend a rainy day?

Mike Lowry: Pretending to be something that I'm not.

What is the coolest animal to watch a nature show about?

Mike Lowry: Ostriches.

What do you do now, as a result of widespread internet access, that you didn't do ten years ago?

Mike Lowry: Receive more spam than actual e-mails, and I've got a bride from Russia on the way.

Who did you last give flowers and why?

Mike Lowry: My girlfriend, because I had to play when I already had made a date to see Cirque du Soleil.

The thong: instrument of social change or harbinger of dark times?

Mike Lowry: Both, depending on who's wearing it.

The police have just nailed you for some kind of minor infraction. What were you most likely to have been doing?

Mike Lowry: Driving.

Would you shop at a supermarket run by ninjas? Why or why not?

Mike Lowry: Yes, free throwing stars with purchase of $25 or more.

What article (or articles) of clothing do you wish you never had to wear again? Why?

Mike Lowry: My old winter jacket because it makes me look like a bum.

Taking into account all current political, social and economic situations, which country would you most like to be and why?

Mike Lowry: Canada, because they don't piss anybody off by going and starting wars.

When was the last time you had an entire day to yourself, and what did you do with it?

Mike Lowry: My birthday -- I went and bought a bunch of records, then went to the zoo. Played Grand Theft Auto: Vice City while taking a bath.

What's the stupidest thing you've ever done while drunk? If you're a non-drinker, please limit your self-righteous response to 25 words.

Mike Lowry: Got on a bus and went to Cleveland. It was only a 30 dollar ticket from Baltimore.

What's your favorite thing to do when you can't sleep?

Mike Lowry: Write my congressman.

What are your fellow band members' most irritating habits? If you have no fellow band members, what are your own most irritating habits?

Mike Lowry: One of my band members lies constantly, you can never get a straight answer out of him.

You're making a guest appearance as yourself in the TV show of your choice. What's the show, and how do you fit into the plot?

Mike Lowry: I would play a new bartender on The Simpsons and I would help Moe find the love that's missing from his life.

In three sentences or less, please give your opinion on the current state of the world.

Mike Lowry: "We're set to pop here, honey".

A National Guardsman from Ohio recently changed his name to Optimus Prime, after the Transformer. If you could change your name to anything, what would you change it to?

Mike Lowry: Lando Calrissian.

We're considering lobbying the government to pass a law banning the use of certain overplayed words -- for example, "new", "flaming" and "electric"--in band names. What other words should be banned?

Mike Lowry: Names of countries and states.

Would you rather tour the world for a year, living out of hotels and minibuses, playing to sellout crowds but estranged from all meaningful interpersonal contact, or be crowned the next indie god(s) but be damned to a lifetime of college radio airplay, widespread obscurity and eventual golden years filled with soundtrack work?

Mike Lowry: Either one would be great.

What's the most un-rock and roll hobby or interest you have?

Mike Lowry: Crossword puzzles and movies with talking animals.

Some of us have side gigs bartending. Help us out by making up a drink that we can name after you and sell to underaged girls in midriff-tee-shirts.

Mike Lowry: The Mike Lowry -- peach schnapps, cranberry and pineapple juice, and vodka.

Which is a better reason for an R rating -- pointless, arbitrary violence or over-the-top kinky sex that has nothing to do with the story?

Mike Lowry: Over-the-top kinky sex...the world is violent enough these days, there needs to be more in sex in general.

Which would be worse -- going three rounds with Mike Tyson, or having sex with Anna Nicole Smith?

Mike Lowry: Mike Tyson -- -he bit off someone's ear, for god's sake! Not to mention the whole jail thing.

What's in your fridge right now?

Mike Lowry: Lettuce, apple sauce, feta cheese, lemon juice, hot sauce, pickled ginger, chicken vegetarian buffalo wings, egg beaters, the Homer Simpson fridge guard.

What advice would you give to Michael Jackson?

Mike Lowry: Just cool out, man, just cool out.

· · · · · · ·

Lake Trout just released Another One Lost, and are probably on tour as we write this. Check your local listings.

-- George Zahora

Splendid is always looking for artists and bands who can answer our Pointless Questions quickly and cleverly. We mostly do them by e-mail, so they're quick and painless...unless you can't type. E-mail us for more information!



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