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You can choose to have one -- and only one -- super power. Other than gaining that power, you remain exactly the same as you are now. What super power would you pick, and why?
Clermont Ferrand: While immortality (is this a superpower?) has a certain surface charm, I
believe one always must possess an exit strategy. Similarly, the ability to
fly seems appealing but with personal jet packs and flying cars right
around the corner, I wouldn't want to waste my pick on that. I'm going with
invisibility, mostly for the reasons stated by Glaucon, Billy Carter, to
Plato's Jimmy, in Book II of the Republic.
What was your favorite day job, and why? If you hated them all, what was the best (meaning most interesting) way you ever quit a job?
Clermont Ferrand: For a while I worked in a cemetery. It was like gardening but seemed to
have more gravity.
We've all heard variations on the phrase "there are two kinds of people in the world... Those who (do or think something) and those who (do or think something else)". What are the two kinds of people in the world for you?
Clermont Ferrand: Sadists (Republicans)/ Democrats (masochists).
If money/ambition/significant others/et cetera were all non-issues, where would you choose to live and why?
Clermont Ferrand: It's always been my dream to live in Brooklyn. now I am living the dream.
Still, I could live in a better neighborhood.
You've been given the money and resources to produce a movie biography of the most significant, influential person in your life. Who's it about, what's the story, and who plays the central character?
Clermont Ferrand: It would have to be the great genius French singer and songwriter, Serge
Gainsbourg, with Serge played by Robert Downey Jr. and Jane Birkin portrayed
by Natalie Portman and Miles Davis portrayed by that guy on Whose Line is
it Anyway?
Summarize your driving ability in 25 words or less.
Clermont Ferrand: I am more a slicer than a hooker. But hookers are okay too. And I don't do
maguffins.
What is the function of your music in a capitalist society?
Clermont Ferrand: It mirrors, somewhat more modestly, the role of Michelangelo's art to
Florence and the Medici princes.
You've just entered a contest in which the prize is an MP3 player loaded with the complete, exhaustive recorded output of any artist you choose. You win. Who do you choose?
Clermont Ferrand: The Strokes.
What are you carrying on your person -- in your pockets, purse, et cetera -- right now?
Clermont Ferrand: I have my "Midnight Funk Association" membership card, WGPR FM Detroit,
electrifying mojo presidin', metrocard, $13 cash, X-Ray Spex CD The
Anthology, White Panther Party pin, chewing gum, cigarettes, fake
aviators.
You're on tour, you're in an unfamiliar city, you haven't eaten in 24 hours, and due to some poor financial decisions, you have only a single unit of the local currency -- one dollar, one pound, or thereabouts. What do you eat?
Clermont Ferrand: Two loose cigarettes at .50 each or a flan.
What was the last song you danced to? Who, if anyone, did you dance with?
Clermont Ferrand: Either "Endicott" by Kid Creole and the Coconuts or "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum. That was a solo venture.
When did you last make a mountain out of a molehill?
Clermont Ferrand: Just about every single frickin' day of my life.
Post-Schwarzenegger, are there any high-profile people you'd like to see run for governor or other high office? Who and why?
Clermont Ferrand: Charo = Florida. Just seems like a good fit.
Apart from cheeseburgers, what is the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast?
Clermont Ferrand: You're right that protein is important first thing in the morning. Crab
cakes are excellent as a starter. Snails. Almost anything with cheese and salsa.
You receive a series of e-mails stating That Grace Jones, Junior Brown, Missy Elliott, Ian Mackaye and Philip Glass are interested in a collaboration. How do you respond to each request?
Clermont Ferrand: Grace Jones is echt Les Sans Culottes. Her "La Vie En Rose" stands the test
of time. So I guess we would have to re-do "Pull Up to the Bumper." With Junior Brown we might have to do a French language version of "Joe the
Singing Janitor." Phillip Glass -- guess we'd want to do something from his Koyaanisqatsi
period. With Fugazi we should try to do some Roxy Music song like "If It Takes All
Night" and we'd even do it in English if they wanted.
Have you ever seen a ghost? Or a dead body? Tell us about it.
Clermont Ferrand: One hot summer night I went to see Goodfellas. There's a scene in the movie
where the mobsters disinter someone they had murdered and the corpse is
apparently pretty ripe. When I came home, there was a funky stench coming
from my neighbor's apartment. I got the landlord to open the door. He wanted
me to go in first. I told him he should have the honors. When we walked in
my elderly neighbor was lying on the floor dead. He had been dead for a few
days but it took a hot August night to bring forward the intense acrid smell.
Everyone can do at least a couple of decent imitations -- of celebrities, maybe, or associates, friends and family. Who can you "do"?
Clermont Ferrand: I do a Blaise Pascal no one ever "gets." Marvin Hamlisch. George Bush.
What was the last book you read and hated? Why did you hate it?
Clermont Ferrand: I am reading a biography/hagiography of Godard that is pretty annoying because it is so worshipful. I don't care if he's a genius. Let's hear the dirt.
Let's assume that God is a DJ. What's on his playlist right now?
Clermont Ferrand: "Radar Love" by Golden Earring; "2 = 2 = ?" by Bob Seger; "Motor Boat" by Kim Fowley; "I Couldn't Get High" by The Fugs; "Jesus Was A Capricorn" by Kris Kristoferson.
Who was your favourite teacher in high school? Why?
Clermont Ferrand: The art teacher. He used to like my paintings, even when they sucked.
What is your favorite Meg Ryan movie?
Clermont Ferrand: Just one? Heathers.
What is your favorite "comfort food" when you're on tour?
Clermont Ferrand: Moon Over My Hammy at Denny's. I just don't like to order it.
Tell us about the least likely place you ever sent a CD/demo. Why did you send it? What happened?
Clermont Ferrand: We sent one to a Japanese label thinking they would like our French pop.
They wrote back saying they were concerned that we were really French because
they did not think we were Americans. "If you are Americans singing in
French this is more interesting to us than French people singing in French."
We said, "Yes, we are Americans." They never got back to us.
What essential item are you most likely to leave at home when you're heading out on tour? What do you do about it?
Clermont Ferrand: Shaving cream. (So I) don't shave.
Aliens have just landed, and you get to select the earth's goodwill ambassador. Who do you pick, and why?
Clermont Ferrand: Rael -- the French guy who is in charge of the Raelian cloning cult. He has
experience.
You wake up one morning and discover that you have dolphin telepathy. What do you do with it?
Clermont Ferrand: See a doctor. Ask them where they get their weed.
You've just been hit in the face with a large chocolate cream pie. How do you react?
Clermont Ferrand: This happened to me. There are photos. Initially I was stunned, then I ate
the pie.
Assuming that you must choose one, which would you rather listen to for an hour: Christian rock, mainstream country or Jessica Simpson?
Clermont Ferrand: While I like The Simpsons, I would have to go with the bad country music. I
like that guy who taunts The Dixie Chicks.
What's the deal with those damn raccoons?
Clermont Ferrand: Yeah, just what is their problem? No, they're good eating but I prefer nutria.
What is the most awkward moment in which you have caught a person adjusting, scratching, or otherwise handling his or her own genitals?
Clermont Ferrand: I used to see a lot more of that "ball hustling" gesture. Now people do this
weird thing with their neck instead, like they are trying to crack it. I
think that's progress.
Where do you think Osama Bin Laden is hiding and what would it take to get him to come out?
Clermont Ferrand: They say he's kind of a cave guy. I think the current offer is something like 5,000 virgins.
You're sitting in a pub when an errant dart from the games area strikes you in the leg. With the dart pointing out of your body, do you pull it out, shout for help or attack the jackass who hit you?
Clermont Ferrand: I think removing the dart is the first order of business.
What would you consider to be the worst fate imaginable for your music, and which contemporary artist would you most wish this terrible end upon?
Clermont Ferrand: One of our songs was in a Rob Schneider movie. I wouldn't wish that upon
anyone.
What is sexy?
Clermont Ferrand: Frankie Goes To Hollywood.
Which reality TV game show could you see yourself as a winning contestant on? Explain.
Clermont Ferrand: I guess the new Ted Nugent show. It's my understanding that there is no
competition per se, you just hang out and talk about hunting and cars.
No smoking however.
What is the strangest thing you've ever had for breakfast?
Clermont Ferrand: I tried Raisin Bran Crunch once.
Which non-music related product (i.E. -- no instruments, microphones, etc.) would you most like to be a celebrity spokesperson for?
Clermont Ferrand: Anything J-Lo manufactures.
Describe the skankiest, sketchiest place -- whether it's someone's home or a hotel/motel room -- that you've stayed in while on tour.
Clermont Ferrand: We were at a moldy decrepit place in Montreal in the red light district. We
got beat up by some local angel dust enthusiasts on our way back there one
night.
If you had an army of super-intelligent lab mice to do your bidding, what evil deeds would you have them do?
Clermont Ferrand: Make another remake of Willard.
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The "seven-headed beast from the hard-scrabble streets of Menilmontant", Les Sans Culottes borrowed their name from the ill-clad (i.e. long-trousered) citizen soldiers of the French Revolution. The famous disposers of the House of Bourbons also put a pretty good dent in the chateau of Pernod. LSC have stood alone atop the storm-blasted heath of French Pop music in Brooklyn since 1998. While long regarded as a French rock supergroup who migrated from the Left Bank to South Brooklyn (SoBro) in order to return the gift of General John "Lafayette We are Here", Pershing in a never-ending Potlatch of Rock and Roll gifts that keep on giving, the band actually formed in the mid-nineties at the Rhode Island School of Design.
-- George Zahora
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