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Right now, with no advance notice, and for reasons we're not going to bother explaining, you must get rid of one album from your record collection. Which title gets the chop?
Derek Ma: I think the Wandering Lucy album. Worst recommendation
ever.
You wake up one morning and discover that you've grown two feet taller overnight. How does it affect your life?
Derek Ma: It helps me get to those hard to reach places... Like
the freezer.
What three things must a town or city have in order for you to be able to live happily there?
Derek Ma: Food, shelter, girls in no particular order.
What's more important: good music or good food? And why?
Derek Ma: I guess food... It helps me live.
Would you rather be anal probed by aliens or have a root canal without anaesthetics? Explain your choice.
Derek Ma: The aliens but only if I was rendered unconscious.
Wait, would they be leaving anything behind? Cos if
so, the other thing.
Why does the wheel in the sky keep on turning?
Derek Ma: Inertia?
You've just been elected to the us senate (if you're not a us citizen, please either pretend you are or move forward on the assumption that you've taken a similar government-type position in your own country). What's on your agenda legislation-wise?
Derek Ma: Make the people who make the anti-pot commercials do
the same with liquor. It's not like potheads have
enough energy to do things like raping girls or
killing their best friends... Isn't that alcohol as
well?
If the moon were made of cheese, what kind of cheese would it be made of? Please explain your reasoning.
Derek Ma: Moon cheese, 'cos it's cheese found on the moon.
You've just won a contest in which the prize is your "dream car". What make and model of car do you choose? (And no, you can't just take the money.)
Derek Ma: I think it would be a MG Cooper. They're just rad.
You can go back in time and kill one person without disrupting the space/time continuum, creating a paradox and causing the universe to collapse upon itself. Who would it be?
Derek Ma: George Bush... either of one of em.
As an experiment, you spend an entire day with a stick of butter duct-taped to your forehead. What do you learn?
Derek Ma: Bronzing can be achieved by better means. But I smell
delectable.
What's the best way to spend a rainy day?
Derek Ma: Reading.
What is the coolest animal to watch a nature show about?
Derek Ma: The shark... Actually, any fish or underwater life.
What do you do now, as a result of widespread internet access, that you didn't do ten years ago?
Derek Ma: I dunno... Email?
Who did you last give flowers and why?
Derek Ma: My last girlfriend...to get me some.
The thong: instrument of social change or harbinger of dark times?
Derek Ma: Depends on who/what's wearing it.
The police have just nailed you for some kind of minor infraction. What were you most likely to have been doing?
Derek Ma: Causing a disturbance.
Would you shop at a supermarket run by ninjas? Why or why not?
Derek Ma: Oh yeah. They would just appear from everywhere. It would be like being in a hall of mirrors, except
with ninjas.
What article (or articles) of clothing do you wish you never had to wear again? Why?
Derek Ma: A kilt. That is the only reason.
Taking into account all current political, social and economic situations, which country would you most like to be and why?
Derek Ma: Seriously, Canada.
Tell us about your weirdest experience with a fan.
Derek Ma: A guy who said, "I've seen you around at some of the
Mapmakers shows. You friends with the band?" (This was
right after we got off stage.)
When was the last time you had an entire day to yourself, and what did you do with it?
Derek Ma: Yesterday... And I lay in bed 'cos I was sick as a
dog.
Ever written a letter to the editor? What publication, and on what subject?
Derek Ma: No, but sometimes I wish I did.
What's the stupidest thing you've ever done while drunk? If you're a non-drinker, please limit your self-righteous response to 25 words.
Derek Ma: I don't drink, but I'm known to fall down a lot on
other substances.
What's your favorite thing to do when you can't sleep?
Derek Ma: Watch Family Guy. It kills me with laughter 'til I
can't breathe, knocking me out.
What are your fellow band members' most irritating habits? If you have no fellow band members, what are your own most irritating habits?
Derek Ma: Self critique ( I think we're all guilty of this).
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Music For Mapmakers are working on a follow-up to .02. They're also playing several shows at this year's NXNE.
-- George Zahora
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