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What band did you listen to most during the eighties? Do you still like them?
Chris Freeman: KISS and the Beatles, yep! Of bands that came out during the '80s, it would have to be Duran Duran, and I still like them, although I don't listen to their records anymore.
What is your worst memory of elementary school? Of high school?
Chris Freeman: Ew, I don't wanna go there. Both are memories of being beaten up.
You're about to -- ahem -- get lucky. What album is playing in the background? Why'd you choose it?
Chris Freeman: Moby's Play; it's nice, has a good beat, isn't intrusive, which is most important. Creates a nice mood.
What was the first thing you ever shoplifted? Why did you take it?
Chris Freeman: A piece of candy for the thrill.
What's the biggest risk you've ever taken? Why did you take it?
Chris Freeman: Even though I didn't actually choose it, I got kicked out of my parents' house at 16. I chose to live on my own -- it was better than going to a foster home!
It's better to regret something you have done than it is to regret something you haven't done. What do you regret doing (other than agreeing to answer these questions)? Why did you do it?
Chris Freeman: I really have no regrets. I wouldn't be where/who I am now without all I've done.
What movie would you recommend to absolutely anyone? Why?
Chris Freeman: It's a Wonderful Life, it's my favorite. It's good to take a look at how many lives you touch and how you influence people. This movie gives a good example.
For reasons we won't bother going into right now, you're going to be locked in the back of a truck for a sixteen hour drive between gigs. If you could have any musician, past or present, back there to keep you company, who would it be?
Chris Freeman: Paul McCartney.
What is your strongest, most unshakeable belief?
Chris Freeman: That we are all god. (No idea if that's a typo or not -- Ed.)
What's the worst band you've ever heard? Why do they suck?
Chris Freeman: This is very subjective. Somebody's going to read this and go, "What? They rule!"
If you were a porn star, what would your "porn name" be?
Chris Freeman: I've done porn, and I used my name.
You're on your way to a show, and all of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of a huge four-way battle between pirates, ninjas, robots and intelligent apes from the future. Your only hope of getting to your gig is to pick a side. Who do you join, and why?
Chris Freeman: I'd love to join the pirates, 'cuz I've always had fantasies of being a cabin boy! They'd lose 'cuz they're too self-centered. Robots no, 'cuz I'm not one and they would find me joining their side suspicious. Same with intelligent apes. I'd have to go with the ninjas by process of elimination.
If you could sponsor any beverage -- appear in their ads, receive a lifetime supply and never be seen drinking a competing product -- what beverage would it be?
Chris Freeman: Water.
What's the best venue you've ever played? What's the worst? Why?
Chris Freeman: Madison Square Garden opening for Green Day in '94 -- it's the Garden, man! On our own, I love the Bottom of the Hill in SF, the Grog Shop in Cleveland and Emo's in Austin. Too many bad ones, but there's a punk rock dive we played in Omaha, NE, called the Cog Factory that was horrible. No monitors, the left half of the PA was blown, we were treated indifferently, they did nothing to promote the show, and handed the posters we had sent back to us. Awful.
What's wrong with Rolling Stone these days?
Chris Freeman: Never read it, they're really out of touch.
Why are frogs amusing?
Chris Freeman: 'Cuz they're just so cute, but absolutely alien!
You've traveled back in time and met yourself, age sixteen. What do you think?
Chris Freeman: What a pent-up mess! I'd tell myself where I'm going to be and give myself some hope. I'd also tell myself that I am indeed homosexual and to deal with it -- and to do it with that guy who picked you up at the mall!
Which would be worse: three hours on a bus full of four year-olds, or three hours on a bus full of eighty year-olds? Why?
Chris Freeman: Four year olds are worse for sure, all that screaming and crying out of boredom! Those old codgers can be very patient and quiet. Plus they have better stories to tell!
The US government is considering far more aggressive regulation of leather pants. Under the new rules, who should or shouldn't be allowed to wear them?
Chris Freeman: People who claim to be vegetarian then show up on stage and at events in them, like Chrissie Hynde!
What, in your opinion, is the best porn?
Chris Freeman: Homemade.
What food item could you eat every day for the rest of your life without getting bored of it? What's so good about it?
Chris Freeman: Is water considered a food item? It's the only drink I take. Other than that, peanut butter. It's good for you, and the taste and texture are like no other.
Will the next Star Wars movie suck? Why or why not?
Chris Freeman: Of course! The last one did. Meandering plot and it looked like shite! Too many special effects and not enough acting. But then, it wouldn't be Star Wars...
How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?
Chris Freeman: One, the one leading to the men's room.
Everyone's replacing their least-favorite body parts with cybernetic ones. Which part(s) of your body would you replace?
Chris Freeman: I'm pretty happy with all of my parts, but I'll part with my feet!
What topics or statements would inspire you to call in to a talk radio program?
Chris Freeman: If homosexuality was taught in high school.
What album(s) should everyone be given on their eighteenth birthday?
Chris Freeman: The Beatles' Rubber Soul.
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Pansy Division, everyone's favorite all-gay rock band from San Francisco, will drop a brand-spankin'-new album any day now.
-- George Zahora
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