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What band did you listen to most during the eighties? Do you still like them?
Bob Spires: In the third grade I got a Culture Club tape. And Michael Jackson's Thriller. Culture Club doesn't really do it for me nowadays, but Thriller holds up well over time. Michael Jackson relied a lot on Quincy Jones and he really lost me after Thriller and Off The Wall. Plus he became a white woman after that.
What is your worst memory of elementary school? Of high school?
Bob Spires: Being forced to eat cole slaw in the first grade. I threw up on my lunch tray. Of high school: all of the 9th grade.
You're about to -- ahem -- get lucky. What album is playing in the background? Why'd you choose it?
Bob Spires: Probably some instrumental music, like piano classical stuff. It's a little to blatant to put on Barry White for me.
If you could beat up anyone in the world and get away without the usual annoying real-world consequences -- jail time, lawsuits, bad press, etc. --who would it be, and why?
Bob Spires: Probably Creed. For all of the obvious reasons.
What's the biggest risk you've ever taken? Why did you take it?
Bob Spires: Going back to college at age 26. Quitting at the factory and taking the plunge.
It's better to regret something you have done than it is to regret something you haven't done. What do you regret doing (other than agreeing to answer these questions)? Why did you do it?
Bob Spires: I think that you can sit around regretting things you have done for the rest of your life. I personally try my hardest to learn from mistakes and use them to help me the next time. There usually isn't much you can do about the past, except try not to do it again.
Did you go to your high school prom? If so, who did you go with?
Bob Spires: High School girlfriend. It sucked so bad. Very cheesy and wasn't very fun. I would have rather had a big party with my friends.
What movie would you recommend to absolutely anyone? Why?
Bob Spires: Waiting for Guffman. Everybody knows at least one of those characters in their own life.
For reasons we won't bother going into right now, you're going to be locked in the back of a truck for a sixteen hour drive between gigs. If you could have any musician, past or present, back there to keep you company, who would it be?
Bob Spires: Bob Dylan. Behind the image, he seems like a pretty decent fella. And I'm sure he'd have way more than 16 hours worth of kick ass stories.
What is your strongest, most unshakeable belief?
Bob Spires: That nothing is as simple as it seems. That when you generalize about people it usually means you don't know them. When you generalize about places, you probably have never been there. And when you think you know everything, you are wrong.
What's the worst band you've ever heard? Why do they suck?
Bob Spires: We've played with many of the worst bands in the world. Winegarden from Iowa City were pretty bad (frat guys trying to play Limp Bizkit stuff). Trashcan School sucked beyond belief. Public Defender from St Louis were awful (all the way around). There is a white guy who plays blues in Athens who goes by the name EROK.
If you were a porn star, what would your "porn name" be?
Bob Spires: I think you're supposed to use your first pet's name and your mother's maiden name, so it would be Prissy Slocumb. I'd probably get typecast into gay porn pretty fast with that one.
If you could sponsor any beverage -- appear in their ads, receive a lifetime supply and never be seen drinking a competing product -- what beverage would it be?
Bob Spires: Lipton Sweet Tea.
What's the best venue you've ever played? What's the worst? Why?
Bob Spires: Best: High Dive, Champaign, IL. Worst: toss-up between Sneakers, Peppinos and Munchies in Athens. At Munchies, the owner rolled a salad bar out of the way to give us a place to set up. He also pulled a ragged extension cord out of the ceiling for us to plug into. One of our members got mildly electrocuted. We had to wait for Melrose Place to end on the Big Screen TVs in the bar, and we played during the dart tournament. When our guy got shocked all the jocks there just laughed.
What's wrong with rolling stone these days?
Bob Spires: What's not wrong with it? I remember when it mentioned music on at least one page. Now if you don't have an exposed midriff and a six pack, you can forget it.
Why are frogs amusing?
Bob Spires: They aren't as amusing as cows.
You've traveled back in time and met yourself, age sixteen. What do you think?
Bob Spires: Damn, what a doofie motherfucker.
Which would be worse: three hours on a bus full of four year-olds, or three hours on a bus full of eighty year-olds? Why?
Bob Spires: Four year olds. The Penan Indians in Borneo have a word for the screams of children playing that is translated as a "Big Thorny Bush", because the confusion that kids' voices causes on adults is harder to get out of than a big thorny bush.
The US government is considering far more aggressive regulation of leather pants. Under the new rules, who should or shouldn't be allowed to wear them?
Bob Spires: Any musicians.
What food item could you eat every day for the rest of your life without getting bored of it? What's so good about it?
Bob Spires: Mangoes. The only problem is that they are so messy to eat.
Will the next star wars movie suck? Why or why not?
Bob Spires: No. As long as they keep Jar Jar Binks in the background again.
How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?
Bob Spires: It's not how many roads, it's how well you went down the ones you were on.
Everyone's replacing their least-favorite body parts with cybernetic ones. Which part(s) of your body would you replace?
Bob Spires: My facial hair, so I would never have to shave again.
What topics or statements would inspire you to call in to a talk radio program?
Bob Spires: When any DJ comments on how good some shitty new artist's cover of a Beatles song is.
What album(s) should everyone be given on their eighteenth birthday?
Bob Spires: All of the Beatles' stuff, except Magical Mystery Tour. All of the Stones' stuff up to Some Girls. Uncle Tupelo's Anodyne, OutKast's Stankonia, James Brown's Live at the Apollo, The Ramones' first four albums, any Who as long as Keith Moon is on the album and Led Zeppelin's first four records.
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Occasional backing band for Jack Logan, and songwriters for the Minus 5 single "You Don't Mean It", The Possibilities create songs that move like welcome summer afternoon storms across your consciousness. Their recently-released Way Out was highly praised by our own Theodore Defosse.
-- George Zahora
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