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You've been given a robot that can be trained to perform one standardized task perfectly, as often as necessary. What do you train it to do?
Otto Matik: Moonwalk.
You are seriously ill. There are two vaccines that will save your life, but both have side effects: one will permanently eliminate your sense of taste, and the other will permanently eliminate all feeling in your genitals. Which vaccine would you choose?
Otto Matik: Taste, of course. Oral sex will be a breeze.
Somehow you've gotten into a fight with someone twice your size. Where do you aim the first punch?
Otto Matik: I punch myself because I'm obviously an idiot. Maybe the monster will take
pity on me then.
The "fast-forward" and "skip" buttons on all your stereo equipment are broken, and you can't afford to repair them right now. For the time being, you can only listen to albums from beginning to end, without skipping any songs. What albums in your collection are still listenable?
Otto Matik: Now That's What I Call Music Vol. 3.
If given the perfect opportunity to be unjust, would a just person succumb to it?
Otto Matik: I'm just a person so I don't know the answer.
You've been asked to write the Encyclopedia Britannica entry on
yourself. What does it say?
Otto Matik: See Alexander the Great.
You've somehow been given the chance to spend the day with a
character (not an actor) from any film or television program. Who
do you choose?
Otto Matik: Mallory from Family Ties.
If you could instantly learn to play one instrument that you don't
currently play, what would it be?
Otto Matik: The saxophone, so I could play "Careless Whisper".
The people of the town where you were born want to name a building
after you. They've asked you to choose the sort of building that
best matches your personality. What kind of building do you choose?
Otto Matik: A fucking mansion.
What month of the year do you least anticipate? Why?
Otto Matik: I suppose August, since it is the newest month to be added to the calendar,
named after the Roman emperor Augustus. I almost forget about it everytime
because it's so new.
What animal would you most like to house in your back yard, if you could?
Otto Matik: A brontosaurus. That way I'd have a really huge backyard and most likely be
rich.
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Otto Matik: I wanted to design Legos.
If you could buy any rare collection in the world, which collection
would you choose? (This doesn't have to be a famous
collection...but it can be.)
Otto Matik: The gold bullion collection of Fort Knox.
What's the best advice you've ever received? Who gave it to you?
Otto Matik: Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey -- Father Heathcliff, the headmaster at the
orphanage where I grew up.
You've been invited to perform as the middle act in a three-act bill. You get to choose the other two artists. Who opens for you, and who follows you?
Otto Matik: I would get Backstreet Boys to open, and N'Sync to headline. We would sell
a shitload of tickets.
You've been placed in the Witness Protection Program, and must change your name. You're able to pick your new name. What do you call yourself?
Otto Matik: Well I have already had to do this so my first choice was Otto Matik.
However if I did it again I would choose Major Bedd.
What lesson should the world learn from the failure of all those
dotcom businesses?
Otto Matik: Try dot-org.
What steps should airlines take to help avoid a repeat of the
September 11th tragedy?
Otto Matik: Do not take a time machine back to September 11th.
What is the greatest invention of the last ten years?
Otto Matik: Rope lights -- they are like Christmas lights in a clear tube, and they look
fucking cool.
Thanks to a breakthrough in technology, you can have a perfect memory-recording of one event in your life. Everything is included -- taste, smell, sound, vision and feeling; it basically means that you can relive the event over and over again. What event would you want to relive?
Otto Matik: If this is after I have to give up my sense of taste due to the vaccine, I
choose Thanksgiving dinner from four years ago.
What toy from your childhood would you most like to track down now?
Otto Matik: I only had rocks and twigs as toys, but I choose the twig.
Assuming that money, legality, etc. is no object, what is your
intoxicant of choice?
Otto Matik: Zima.
Which is more dangerous in the wrong hands -- guns or knowledge?
Otto Matik: Guns, you dummy. Everyone knows you can't hold knowledge.
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The Prima Donnas released Drugs and Sex and Discotheques last year. Our own Brett McCallon said this about it: "As brash and in-your-face as this album is, it is also surprisingly complex; listening to the whole thing, one wonders at the number of different styles these guys can coax out of minimally different sounds. Even more impressive is the thought that has gone into creating a Prima Donnas mythology: several of the songs reference events in the band's fictitious past alluded to in the liner notes, which makes the whole experience both more disconcerting and more engaging. I've been listening to this album for about two weeks straight now, and see no sign of it slipping off of my radar."
-- George Zahora
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