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Princess's Michael O'Neill relaxes with some POINTLESS QUESTIONS


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Various religions suggest that there's a "special" hell for certain sins (hurting children, being cruel to animals, using the word "blog" as a verb, etc). Who else needs a "special" hell?

Michael O'Neill: Racists, homophobes, assholes.

Due to poor financial planning, you've got to eat for an entire week on only US$10. What do you buy, food-wise?

Michael O'Neill: Rice and beans -- a perfect protein.

You've locked your car keys inside the tour van and don't have AAA. How do you get the door open?

Michael O'Neill: Go to an auto body shop and ask them if they've got one of those things. They probably do. Even in Middle America, I feel like it wouldn't be so hard for two queers to get some mechanics to do this.

In the UK, trying to kill the Queen is still technically a capital offence. If the Queen tried to commit suicide and failed, could she be sentenced to death? Explain.

Michael O'Neill: Of course not. Murder and suicide are completely separate things. Aside, of course, from the issue of ill- content to take a person's life, your body is yours. Do with it whatever you want.

If you were a 50ft high Tyrannosaurus Rex, would you use your powers for good or evil? Who would you go after first?

Michael O'Neill: By this point, you should be able to tell I'm a completely sappy, cheesy, corny, good-deed-doer. I'd use powers for good, of course, and I'd go after things that would satisfy my hunger.

You've decided to write a musical. What's it about and who's the star?

Michael O'Neill: It's called Planet Springsteen And The Long Island Sound. It's about aliens from the planet Springsteen that come to Earth and invade America by turning it all into New Jersey. Billy Joel makes a special appearance at the end.

Everyone likes at least one cheesy/crappy song that totally kills their cred. What's yours?

Michael O'Neill: I'm gonna blow up Alexis's spot on this one (Alexis is the other half of Princess): He likes Dido! I like everything Michael Jackson has ever done... all the way up to "Have You Seen My Childhood?"

The standard touring vehicle is always a beat-up van. What has been the worst/weirdest method of conveyance you've had to use on a tour?

Michael O'Neill: Up until now, we have toured in Alexis's Mercury Sable that he bought from his grandma. It is silver with a lavender hood. It is known as the easter egg by some, but I call it the "gay spaceship". It's really curvy. Touring in a car I guess isn't so weird, but us Princesses bring about a studio's worth of gear on the road. It's pretty much packed to the brim, with some stuff on the passenger's lap.

What was the best meal you were supplied by a tour venue? What was the worst?

Michael O'Neill: BBQ PORK STEAKS! Thanks to mark at the Lemp Arts Center in St. Louis. Plus corn, beans and a salad to balance things out.

Will it ever truly be possible to "rock the vote", or will apathy, indifference and laziness always triumph over activism?

Michael O'Neill: Absolutely. If we didn't believe we could help change things through our music, we'd have much less of a purpose in doing this.

You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about. What would you like to cry about?

Michael O'Neill: My boyfriend just moved to New York.

If you could watch one historical event re-enacted by a cast of chimpanzees, which one would it be, and why?

Michael O'Neill: Woodstock. Hippie chimps are cool.

How long after an unopened gallon of milk's "use-by" date has passed would you be willing to use it?

Michael O'Neill: If it doesn't make you gag when you smell it, it's fine.

Do you prefer the term "underwear" or "underpants"? What does that say about you?

Michael O'Neill: Underwear... because they shouldn't really be pants at all. In fact, the less fabric involved, the better.

Not to be morbid, but let's assume that (a) you've died, and (b) you filled out an organ donor card and potential recipients are lining up. Which part of your body do you think will be most sought-after? Are there any bits no-one will want?

Michael O'Neill: My lungs are probably pretty shot, my being an asthmatic smoker and all.

A few years ago, anal sex was still taboo; nowadays it's trendy. What will be the next major sexual taboo to fall?

Michael O'Neill: Transexuals!

The USA needs a universal healthcare system. So far, no President has gotten anywhere near implementing one. Why do you think they keep failing? (Bonus: Outline your own plan for universal healthcare in 100 words or less.)

Michael O'Neill: Cause they don't want one.

Right this very second, what are you most looking forward to, and why?

Michael O'Neill: Watching The O.C..

· · · · · · ·

Princess, a Chicago based duo, is a two-man band with a hundred-piece sound. Using guitars, keyboards, drums, banjo and various thrift-store noise-makers, Princess prattles through battles between party politic cliques from hip-hop to art rock crits bits and bits of foggy mountain violet satin water fountains.

-- George Zahora

Splendid is always looking for artists and bands who can answer our Pointless Questions quickly and cleverly. We mostly do them by e-mail, so they're quick and painless...unless you can't type. E-mail us for more information!



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