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Radioinactive faces off with the POINTLESS QUESTIONS

We have it on good authority that this is Radioinactive

We haven't reviewed any of Radioinactive's stuff just yet, but you can visit his page at Dirty Loop or buy his stuff at Insound.

You've been given a robot that can be trained to perform one standardized task perfectly, as often as necessary. What do you train it to do?

Radioinactive: I would train the robot to rap; then the group would be called Radioinactive and MC KID ROBOT, and we would sell a gazillion records. MC Kid Robot will serve any MC, human or otherwise.

You are seriously ill. There are two vaccines that will save your life, but both have side effects: one will permanently eliminate your sense of taste, and the other will permanently eliminate all feeling in your genitals. Which vaccine would you choose?

Radioinactive: I will take the taste losing vaccine. I'll probably be eating a lot more pussy. I guess if I took the other vaccine I'd be eating a lot more pussy as well. Did a woman come up with this question?

Somehow you've gotten into a fight with someone twice your size. Where do you aim the first punch?

Radioinactive: If I could reach this monster's throat, that's where it would be. Otherwise, it would be a kick. A kick to the knee or to the family jewels. Or now that I think about it, the first punch would be right in the chest. It's just a distraction for the follow up kick to the gnads. He would take a step back and open himself up for the goooooaaaaaal! If I could use a flame thrower, that would be my choice.

If given the perfect opportunity to be unjust, would a just person succumb to it?

Radioinactive: Yes.

You've been asked to write the Encyclopedia Britannica entry on yourself. What does it say?

Radioinactive: The entry would read as follows: Radioinactive: First human to legally wed a robot -- female robot MC Kid Robot.

You've somehow been given the chance to spend the day with a character (not an actor) from any film or television program. Who do you choose?

Radioinactive: Fat Sam from the movie Bugsy Malone. Or Special K from the classic Breakin'.

If you could instantly learn to play one instrument that you don't currently play, what would it be?

Radioinactive: A set of electric bagpipes. Or to play four tap shoes on all fours, doggy style.

The people of the town where you were born want to name a building after you. They've asked you to choose the sort of building that best matches your personality. What kind of building do you choose?

Radioinactive: The Building of Complete and Utter Nonsense and Appreciation of All That is Good Institute.

What month of the year do you least anticipate? Why?

Radioinactive: I don't like October, because in the US Oktoberfest is just a bunch of commercial hype. The charlie brown Oktoberfest special, the Oktoberfest volleyball and xtreme sports tournaments. Those big f---king glasses of beer and all those special Oktoberfest school assemblies and the "I brake for Oktoberfest" and "honk if you're drunk, driving home from an Oktoberfest beer garden" bumper stickers.

What animal would you most like to house in your back yard, if you could?

Radioinactive: I would like to have a platypus in the yard, 'cause egg-laying mammals that nurse their young are pretty fucking interesting!

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Radioinactive: I wanted to be a paleontologist. Is that spelled right? Until I saw Jurassic Park; then I wanted to be Jeff Goldblum.

If you could buy any rare collection in the world, which collection would you choose? (This doesn't have to be a famous collection...but it can be.)

Radioinactive: Miniature paintings. Why? Have you ever tried to paint a masterpiece through a fricking microscope?

What's the best advice you've ever received? Who gave it to you?

Radioinactive: Be who you are, not what you do -- advice from Andy Two Hawks, an electrician on the TV show Silk Stalkings.

You've been invited to perform as the middle act in a three-act bill. You get to choose the other two artists. Who opens for you, and who follows you?

Radioinactive: In between the Meatmen and Yellowman.

You've been placed in the Witness Protection Program, and must change your name. You're able to pick your new name. What do you call yourself?

Radioinactive: I'll call myself Willy Front.

What lesson should the world learn from the failure of all those dotcom businesses?

Radioinactive: Visit for that answer.

What steps should airlines take to help avoid a repeat of the September 11th tragedy?

Radioinactive: Stop serving pork on in-flight meals.

What is the greatest invention of the last ten years?

Radioinactive: DVDs.

Thanks to a breakthrough in technology, you can have a perfect memory-recording of one event in your life. Everything is included -- taste, smell, sound, vision and feeling; it basically means that you can relive the event over and over again. What event would you want to relive?

Radioinactive: Sex with three virgins at once.

What toy from your childhood would you most like to track down now?

Radioinactive: The Radio Shack remote control car that you can only turn in reverse.

· · · · · · ·

We've taken the liberty of correcting some of the spelling and punctuation in this bio:

The West Coast Work Force presents its finest plumber ever, the legendary Radioinactive. By way of Los Angeles, Radio has set foot on stage with a multitude of ground breaking artists: Freestyle Fellowship, The Shape Shifters, CVE, Off Mexican Descent, The Coup, The Sugarhill Gang, Afrika Bambaata, House of Pain and Lighter Shade of Brown. A poet in arms and true maintenance man of the underground terra, he has been putting out new music since the last president. From his rip roaring days with Log Cabin (ex-members include Eligh, MURS, and Scarub) to his classic EPs Balance and Fotractor, Radio has infiltrated fine music collections around the world. More recently, his show-stealing performance on the Celestial compilation Beneath The Surface has left ears wanton and himself in the 1999 Urb's Next 100. Now it's payback time and Mr. Radioinactive means business. Stopping at no cadence and fitting no particular mold, it's time to unleash the rhythm, the poet, Radioinacive.

-- George Zahora

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