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Right now, with no advance notice, and for reasons we're not going to bother explaining, you must get rid of one album from your record collection. Which title gets the chop?
David NeSmith: Styx's Paradise Theater, because I already can sing it word for
note for word note.
You wake up one morning and discover that you've grown two feet taller overnight. How does it affect your life?
David NeSmith: I bump my fucking head into shit. Higher-up shit.
What three things must a town or city have in order for you to be able to live happily there?
David NeSmith: Clean water, no wars, decent access to food.
What's more important: good music or good food? And why?
David NeSmith: Good food mixed in with music. Do The Mario! Eat It!
Would you rather be anal probed by aliens or have a root canal without anaesthetic? Explain your choice.
David NeSmith: Would the anal probe be with anaesthetic?
Why does the wheel in the sky keep on turning?
David NeSmith: Cause I don't know where I'll be answering that, tomorrow.
You've just been elected to the US senate (if you're not a US citizen, please either pretend you are or move forward on the assumption that you've taken a similar government-type position in your own country). What's on your agenda legislation-wise?
David NeSmith: Now that I have gotten close enough, I let the pies fly!
If the moon were made of cheese, what kind of cheese would it be made of? Please explain your reasoning.
David NeSmith: Parmesan, but not grated. It's hard enough to support a ELM.
You've just won a contest in which the prize is your "dream car". What make and model of car do you choose? (And no, you can't just take the money.)
David NeSmith: DeLorean! Stainless steel!
You can go back in time and kill one person without disrupting the space/time continuum, creating a paradox and causing the universe to collapse upon itself. Who would it be?
David NeSmith: That's totally impossible, to predict that you would not be
disrupting the space/time continuum. But what if I killed the guy who invented the time machine?
Shit dude, that's freaky.
As an experiment, you spend an entire day with a stick of butter duct-taped to your forehead. What do you learn?
David NeSmith: That my forehead is rather tasty and wet.
What's the best way to spend a rainy day?
David NeSmith: If it's a cold rainy day, soup and a book. If it's a warm rainy day, playing in a creek or fountain.
What is the coolest animal to watch a nature show about?
David NeSmith: Flying squirrels.
What do you do now, as a result of widespread Internet access, that you didn't do ten years ago?
David NeSmith: Use the Internet.
Who did you last give flowers and why?
David NeSmith: My fiancée, for living another year.
The thong: instrument of social change or harbinger of dark times?
David NeSmith: I don't see too many of those. Perhaps they are still in the closet! Ho ho ahah ahahoa haheheehe heaohahho ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho he he he hu! Oh shit haaha hhoohhhhh shshshsh hahahaha oh shit oh man oh ho hoaahhoohhah my stomach... Oh god...Okay... Heh..Ha haahahahaahhahahahahahah...
The police have just nailed you for some kind of minor infraction. What were you most likely to have been doing?
David NeSmith: Jumping up and down on a police car.
Would you shop at a supermarket run by ninjas? Why or why not?
David NeSmith: Fuck yes! Now that is a fantastic question! I can see it
now... "Can I get only half of that bread loaf?" "Hiiii-yaah! There you go sir, anything else?" "Yes, a few throwing star muffins as well."
What article (or articles) of clothing do you wish you never had to wear again? Why?
David NeSmith: My leather socks. Why the heck did I buy those things? They
are so ridiculous, they don't breathe whatsoever.
Taking into account all current political, social and economic situations, which country would you most like to be and why?
David NeSmith: Canada. Have you seen Bowling for Columbine? Jeepsups, we all
gotta go.
Tell us about your weirdest experience with a fan.
David NeSmith: I one time glued a doll baby head to one that was painted kinda
satanic looking. It would spin around pretty fast and eventually fly off.
When was the last time you had an entire day to yourself, and what did you do with it?
David NeSmith: Last Saturday, unpacked boxes, skated a little.
Ever written a letter to the editor? What publication, and on what subject?
David NeSmith: Yes, I think it was to my college newspaper. I said to them,
"We need a butter council! Like they have in England! Write a
story about that!"
What's the stupidest thing you've ever done while drunk? If you're a non-drinker, please limit your self-righteous response to 25 words.
David NeSmith: Debated with myself for 15 minutes on a three story roof about
whether it would be better to attempt to fly naked or not.
What's your favorite thing to do when you can't sleep?
David NeSmith: Read.
You're making a guest appearance as yourself in the TV show of your choice. What's the show, and how do you fit into the plot?
David NeSmith: Every show ever made, and I appear as Jeepsups Crisp and tell
everyone
to eat more potato chips so they can get into heaven riding an
SUV.
In three sentences or less, please give your opinion on the current state of the world.
David NeSmith: Bad.
A national guardsman from Ohio recently changed his name to Optimus Prime, after the Transformer. If you could change your name to anything, what would you change it to?
David NeSmith: Jeepsups Crisp.
We're considering lobbying the government to pass a law banning the use of certain overplayed words -- for example, "new", "flaming" and "electric" --in band names. What other words should be banned?
David NeSmith: That's censoristic. Cut it out.
Would you rather tour the world for a year, living out of hotels and minibuses, playing to sellout crowds but estranged from all meaningful interpersonal contact, or be crowned the next indie god(s) but be damned to a lifetime of college radio airplay, widespread obscurity and eventual golden years filled with soundtrack work?
David NeSmith: Uh... is none of these an option?
What's the most un-rock and roll hobby or interest you have?
David NeSmith: Playing D 'n' D with my bandmates!
What's the stupidest thing a reviewer ever said about you or your band?
David NeSmith: Can you answer these Pointless Questions?
Some of us have side gigs bartending. Help us out by making up a drink that we can name after you and sell to underaged girls in midriff tee-shirts.
David NeSmith: The "Boo Rah Bangtastigorphonicalitius": one part grenadine to one part vodka ice cubes. Don't forget
the umbrella sword!
Which is a better reason for an r rating -- pointless, arbitrary violence or over-the-top kinky sex that has nothing to do with the story?
David NeSmith: Ugh... Both can be silly.
Which would be worse -- going three rounds with Mike Tyson, or having sex with Anna Nicole Smith?
David NeSmith: "Three rounds" -- is that another word for sex?
What's in your fridge right now?
David NeSmith: Lots of Marie Sharp's hot sauce.
What advice would you give to Michael Jackson?
David NeSmith: Just because you suffer from Gradual Infant Death Syndrome doesn't mean we should.
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Rah Bras are currently working on new material. Lovitt Records hopes to issue a compilation of the band's hard-to-find older material later this year.
-- George Zahora
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