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You wake up one morning and discover that you've grown two feet taller overnight. How does it affect your life?
Elizabeth Elmore: Honestly, I've always felt at least a foot taller than I am. So it's only
when stupid reviewers keep referring to me as diminutive that I realize I
must appear to the careless, inobservant viewer as 5'2". In real life, I'm
at least 6'3" and way fucking tougher than anyone you've ever met. So fer
me, being two feet taller would just clue everyone else in on the fact that
I'm actually your worst nightmare.
What three things must a town or city have in order for you to be able to live happily there?
Elizabeth Elmore: Beer, books, and... music when I need it and an utter dearth of musicians
when I don't.
You've just been elected to the US senate (if you're not a US citizen, please either pretend you are or move forward on the assumption that you've taken a similar government-type position in your own country). What's on your agenda legislation-wise?
Elizabeth Elmore: Extensive child welfare and foster care reform working towards permanent
placements (much like IL has worked towards) to make sure kids get out of
bad homes and also making sure they don't get abandoned in the child welfare
system forever, but actually get placed in a real home. Limiting the amount
of time parents with fucked up issues (no matter how much personal sympathy I
might have for them) have to retain legal rights to their
children. Universal health insurance, extensive welfare reforms. Treating
the theft of intellectual property as a crime equal to all other theft.
Demanding equal labor rights for artists that are applied to all other
laborers. Well now - that was humorless, wasn't it?
You've just won a contest in which the prize is your "dream car". What make and model of car do you choose? (And no, you can't just take the money.)
Elizabeth Elmore: A 17 passenger van -- brand new. I don't give a
fuck about cars. I just love beautiful, nice vans. With some crazy 22nd
century advanced security system where no one could fuck with my van or break into it.
What's the best way to spend a rainy day?
Elizabeth Elmore: In bed alone with super clean sheets and a lovely, mean book.
What is the coolest animal to watch a nature show about?
Elizabeth Elmore: Partial to lion cubs. Grrr.
What do you do now, as a result of widespread internet access, that you didn't do ten years ago?
Elizabeth Elmore: Have far more concrete, immediate exposure -- should I choose to subject
myself to it -- to the
shitty things people will say about me.
Who did you last give flowers and why?
Elizabeth Elmore: Never given them, except to my sisters. Have hated receiving flowers from at
least the age of 10. Parents always felt bad for boys who brought me
flowers because they knew I'd break up with them immediately. Too dumb and
pathetically, cliché-ly, unromantically romantic.
The thong: instrument of social change or harbinger of dark times?
Elizabeth Elmore: Oh my gosh! I've been actively anti-thong for years because really, what woman over the age of 20 has an ass that looks good in those? But sadly, I've recently come around because of the panty-line thing. On the other hand, I'm horrified that I might be wearing one on one of those "once every five years when I actually kiss someone" nights and then I'd have to fucking explain why in god's name I'm wearing a thong. So I only wear my "Deja Vu" thong (you know, the strip club with 100 beautiful girls and three ugly ones) so at least if it comes up (ahem, no pun intended) I can sorta make a joke out of it.
The police have just nailed you for some kind of minor infraction. What were you most likely to have been doing?
Elizabeth Elmore: Either indecent exposure (in my case, probably peeing outside... not that I
make a habit of that, but ya know, every once in a while it's necessary) or
very politely informing the Louisville, KY undercover police squad that they
might as well stop searching the house they've just entered because they
already know it's an illegal search and therefore anything they find is the
"fruit of a poisonous tree", hence an illegal seizure and inadmissible in
court. And yes, as you might have guessed, that actually happened. I was so
polite too! But the motherfuckers still ended up arresting me. If I'd lived
in Louisville I would have sued them for false arrest. Motherfuckers.
What article (or articles) of clothing do you wish you never had to wear again? Why?
Elizabeth Elmore: Pantyhose. They're part and parcel of the law thang but goddamn, I hate
pantyhose. Unless they're some, uh, fun kind, in which case they have their
uses.
Tell us about your weirdest experience with a fan.
Elizabeth Elmore: Um, well, there was the 52 year old guy who stalked me for two years that I
had to have thrown in jail several times. He had a particular affinity for
hiding in the bushes behind my car at two in the morning and/or sitting in
his car and stroking my picture in our CD booklet while rocking back and
forth. Does that count? I'm not being funny, am I.
When was the last time you had an entire day to yourself, and what did you do with it?
Elizabeth Elmore: I don't remember having one of those since I was at least 8. I don't have
days off. Ever. It sucks.
Ever written a letter to the editor? What publication, and on what subject?
Elizabeth Elmore: Brill's Content, on the evil people who steal songs via the internet.
What's the stupidest thing you've ever done while drunk? If you're a non-drinker, please limit your self-righteous response to 25 words.
Elizabeth Elmore: Called my mom. Honestly, as someone who has done countless
so-fucking-stupid-you-wouldn't-believe-it things while she's drunk, I'd
still have to say that calling my mom ranks right up there. By the way, my
mom's an insane fucking teetotaler, if that gives you any context.
What's your favorite thing to do when you can't sleep?
Elizabeth Elmore: Is this a family publication? Regardless, um, duh. I can only think of one
good thing to do when you can't sleep and it's the thing that helps put you to sleep...
What are your fellow band members' most irritating habits? If you have no fellow band members, what are your own most irritating habits?
Elizabeth Elmore: Bandmates: passive-aggressive laziness. Me: passive-aggressive
aggressiveness when they're passive-aggressive lazy.
You're making a guest appearance as yourself in the TV show of your choice. What's the show, and how do you fit into the plot?
Elizabeth Elmore: Oh my gosh, sooo obvious. I'm a semi-ally spy on Alias and both Jennifer
Garner and Michael Vartan would be hot to get in my panties and there'd be a
whole triangle thing going on.
We're considering lobbying the government to pass a law banning the use of certain overplayed words -- for example, "new", "flaming" and "electric" -- in band names. What other words should be banned?
Elizabeth Elmore: Obviously "the", but then of course my band would be banned.
Would you rather tour the world for a year, living out of hotels and minibuses, playing to sellout crowds but estranged from all meaningful interpersonal contact, or be crowned the next indie god(s) but be damned to a lifetime of college radio airplay, widespread obscurity and eventual golden years filled with soundtrack work?
Elizabeth Elmore: Duh. Easy. #2. Though my golden years would be spent differently... Man, actually, that's a hard question. Does being huge imply writing bad
songs and critical acclaim imply writing good songs? That'd be sorta cliché,
but if so, easily the second. I'd choose whichever involves writing the best
songs. Except fuck the "no interpersonal contact". You could play sellout
crowds and still crash at kids' places. That'd be the best.
What's the most un-rock and roll hobby or interest you have?
Elizabeth Elmore: I guess the law would be the obvious answer there.
What's the stupidest thing a reviewer ever said about you or your band?
Elizabeth Elmore: That I was trying to be PJ Harvey and not pulling it off. What?!?! Of course
I'm pulling it off! Has anyone ever seen me play and not immediately thought
"PJ Harvey"?!
Some of us have side gigs bartending. Help us out by making up a drink that we can name after you and sell to underaged girls in midriff tee-shirts.
Elizabeth Elmore: Oh yeah, because drunk underaged girls in midriff tees at rock shows are
really fucking hard for bartenders to nail as it is? Sorry dude, not helping
you there. I have little sisters.
Editor's Note: The bartending question was actually submitted by a female member of our staff, who regularly (perhaps too often) insists that she has no interest in "nailing" other women.
Which is a better reason for an r rating -- pointless, arbitrary violence or over-the-top kinky sex that has nothing to do with the story?
Elizabeth Elmore: Personally, I'd always prefer the over the top, gratuitous, kinky sex, but
violence is a way better reason for an R rating.
Which would be worse -- going three rounds with Mike Tyson, or having sex with Anna Nicole Smith?
Elizabeth Elmore: Assuming I could have a few drinks for option two, I'd say option one is worse.
What's in your fridge right now?
Elizabeth Elmore: Beer, limes, ginger, garlic, Thai chili-garlic sauce, random Asian sauces,
lots and lots of fake meat, whole grain bread, juice, soy milk, various
tomato sauces.
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The Reputation's latest album, To Force a Fate, came out two days ago. See? We can time these things pretty well when we try.
-- George Zahora
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