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Due to poor financial planning, you've got to eat for an entire week on only US$10. What do you buy, food-wise?
Dana B.: Top Ramen.
What's the biggest misconception that people have about you?
Dana B.: Some think I am a sir. I am very much a lady.
What's the worst injury you've ever suffered for your art (i.e. second degree burns from shorted-out mic, broken leg from failed stage dive)? Tell us about it.
Dana B.: Boring... pulled my back lifting my amp.
You've got unlimited funding and technical expertise to make an IMAX movie on the topic of your choice. What do you choose? Describe the obligatory vertigo-inducing camera shot that makes the entire audience clutch their stomachs.
Dana B.: Inside the Vagina: macro lens close ups of skin, hair, blood...
You've locked your car keys inside the tour van and don't have AAA. How do you get the door open?
Dana B.: Get a hanger. Go MacGyver style.
In the UK, trying to kill the Queen is still technically a capital offence. If the Queen tried to commit suicide and failed, could she be sentenced to death? Explain.
Dana B.: No. I think she would die of humiliation.
If you were a 50ft high Tyrannosaurus Rex, would you use your powers for good or evil? Who would you go after first?
Dana B.: Good. I'd go after George W., of course.
You've decided to write a musical. What's it about and who's the star?
Dana B.: It's about The Sharp Ease, and stars Paloma.
What's your favorite board game? Why do you like it?
Dana B.: Clue. It's sexy.
Everyone likes at least one cheesy/crappy song that totally kills their cred. What's yours?
Dana B.: "Alone" by Heart.
What was the best meal you were supplied by a tour venue? What was the worst?
Dana B.: A vegan feast was best. A sausage was worst.
Will it ever truly be possible to "rock the vote", or will apathy, indifference and laziness always triumph over activism?
Dana B.: No, unfortunately I don't think it is possible to rock the vote. I think most people are lazy.
You discover a new disease, "(Your name here)'s Syndrome". What are its symptoms? What is the cure for "(Your name here)'s Syndrome"?
Dana B.: Dana B's Syndrome. Symptoms: A Mellow Hangover. Cure: A little lovin'.
If you could watch one historical event re-enacted by a cast of chimpanzees, which one would it be, and why?
Dana B.: Mary Lou Retton winning the gold in '84.
What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen (and don't choose one of your own)?
Dana B.: A heart/dagger that said "Death before Dishes".
How long after an unopened gallon of milk's "use-by" date has passed would you be willing to use it?
Dana B.: One week.
Do you prefer the term "underwear" or "underpants"? What does that say about you?
Dana B.: Underwear. No, I actually prefer underoos, "'cause they're fun to wear".
You've been asked to submit an anecdote or "tip" to a book called Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned On Tour With My Band. What do you tell them?
Dana B.: Tip: Invest in Vanillaroma trees for the van. It will save a friendship.
Due to a breakthrough in technology, it's possible to learn any skill, no matter how complex, pretty much instantly, by uploading the information directly into your brain (yes, like in The Matrix). Unfortunately, you can only do it once. What skill would you learn, and why?
Dana B.: To fly a jet, so The Sharp Ease can jetset to Tokyo.
Not to be morbid, but let's assume that (a) you've died, and (b) you filled out an organ donor card and potential recipients are lining up. Which part of your body do you think will be most sought-after? Are there any bits no-one will want?
Dana B.: People will want my hands. They're pretty I guess. People won't want my feet. They look like my hands, but feet. Kinda weird, eh?
A long-lost possession has turned up on Ebay, and you're prepared to pay much more than it's worth just to finally get it back. What is it? Why is it worth so much to you?
Dana B.: My childhood record collection, including "Disco Duck". I miss those songs.
You've been given the resources and financial backing to create a new satellite TV network that caters specifically to your tastes and the tastes of people like you. What's it called, and what does it show?
Dana B.: The Tragedy Channel. Movies and programs that have tragic endings.
There are literally hundreds of euphemisms for masturbation. What's the best one you've heard?
Dana B.: She Bop.
Which is worse: downloading an album and burning copies for five friends, or shoplifting one physical copy of the same CD from an overpriced national retailer? Explain your answer.
Dana B.: Shoplifting is worse. It's tacky.
A few years ago, anal sex was still taboo; nowadays it's trendy. What will be the next major sexual taboo to fall?
Dana B.: Furries. They get a bad rap.
What, in your opinion, is the best book ever written? And why?
Dana B.: Cat in the Hat. It's good times.
Right this very second, what are you most looking forward to, and why?
Dana B.: Practicing with The Sharp Ease!
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The Sharp Ease released Going Modern roughly six months ago. The world hasn't been the same since.
-- George Zahora
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