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What band did you listen to most during the eighties? Do you still like them?
Steve Almaas: Tom Waits, when he had the band with Marc Ribot et al. Yes, I do.
What is your worst memory of elementary school? Of high school?
Steve Almaas: Elementary School: bathroom stalls with no doors on them. High School: I had insomnia all through 11th grade.
You're about to -- ahem -- get lucky. What album is playing in the background? Why'd you choose it?
Steve Almaas: Are we still talking about high school? Probably Sticky Fingers. That album was on the turntable constantly around the time I first started thinking about "getting lucky".
What was the first thing you ever shoplifted? Why did you take it?
Steve Almaas: A carton of cigarettes. It was a three man job -- one guy went to the back of the local superette and smashed a bottle of juice on the floor. The other two grabbed the smokes when the clerk went back to investigate. There was no good reason for doing this...perhaps a definition of being thirteen.
If you could beat up anyone in the world and get away without the usual annoying real-world consequences -- jail time, lawsuits, bad press, etc. --who would it be, and why?
Steve Almaas: G.W. Bush -- a guy who deserves a parking lot beating if there ever was one.
What's the biggest risk you've ever taken? Why did you take it?
Steve Almaas: Probably something involving the teenage years and inebriation.
Too stupid to know any better.
It's better to regret something you have done than it is to regret something you haven't done. What do you regret doing (other than agreeing to answer these questions)?
Steve Almaas: Thoughtlessly hurting someone's feelings. Too busy thinking about myself.
Did you go to your high school prom? If so, who did you go with?
Steve Almaas: Yes, with my high school sweetheart.
What movie would you recommend to absolutely anyone? Why?
Steve Almaas: Federico Fellini's La Dolce Vita. It's got everything going for it.
Outside the Hollywood studio system, poignant, yet not too sentimental, Anouk Aimee and Anita Eckberg, the scene where Marcello Mastroianni confesses his love to Anouk Aimee at the whispering wall...amazing. Bears repeated viewings.
For reasons we won't bother going into right now, you're going to be locked in the back of a truck for a sixteen hour drive between gigs. If you could have any musician, past or present, back there to keep you company, who would it be?
Steve Almaas: John Lennon.
What is your strongest, most unshakeable belief?
Steve Almaas: Love is the answer.
What's the worst band you've ever heard? Why do they suck?
Steve Almaas: Led Zeppelin live in 1977. Their pompous, slow motion show was one of the main reasons punk rock was invented. I have to admit, I like their records, though.
If you were a porn star, what would your "porn name" be?
Steve Almaas: Ming Kilmer.
You're on your way to a show, and all of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of a huge four-way battle between pirates, ninjas, robots and intelligent apes from the future. Your only hope of getting to your gig is to pick a side. Who do you join, and why?
Steve Almaas: The pirates. I'm a sucker for an eyepatch.
If you could sponsor any beverage -- appear in their ads, receive a lifetime supply and never be seen drinking a competing product -- what beverage would it be?
Steve Almaas: Water.
What's the best venue you've ever played? What's the worst? Why?
Steve Almaas: The crossroads of Lake Street and Lyndale Avenue in Minneapolis Minnesota, 1995, at an outdoor festival with The Suicide Commandos. 10,000 people showed up. I remember playing at this club called "The 80s" with Mitch Easter in 1979, where the sound person was yelling at us, through the monitors, to turn down while we were playing the show. That was pretty bad.
What's wrong with Rolling Stone these days?
Steve Almaas: No Bill Wyman.
Why are frogs amusing?
Steve Almaas: Are they?
You've traveled back in time and met yourself, age sixteen. What do you think?
Steve Almaas: Why are we dressed alike?
Which would be worse: three hours on a bus full of four year-olds, or three hours on a bus full of eighty year-olds? Why?
Steve Almaas: I guess the four year-olds. I'd have more to talk about with the old folks.
The US government is considering far more aggressive regulation of leather pants. Under the new rules, who should or shouldn't be allowed to wear them?
Steve Almaas: Vegans should not wear leather pants.
What, in your opinion, is the best porn?
Steve Almaas: The porn in my mind.
What food item could you eat every day for the rest of your life without getting bored of it? What's so great about it
Steve Almaas: Good bread. Carbohydrates...brain food...
Will the next Star Wars movie suck? Why or why not?
Steve Almaas: All the Star Wars movies suck! I personally blame George Lucas for destroying the last golden age of American cinema by making it damn near impossible to get a big budget movie made that's character- and/or plot-driven. I couldn't care less about special effects.
How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?
Steve Almaas: More than one.
Everyone's replacing their least-favorite body parts with cybernetic ones. Which part(s) of your body would you replace?
Steve Almaas: I'm rather partial to all my body parts.
What topics or statements would inspire you to call in to a talk radio program?
Steve Almaas: Republicans in general can really get me going. As I grow older, I've been mystified by meeting people younger than myself who vote GOP -- unheard of in my day!
What album(s) should everyone be given on their eighteenth birthday?
Steve Almaas: All the great records from 1966. Blonde on Blonde, Pet Sounds, Rubber Soul, Revolver, Motown and Stax singles, Nuggets, etc. For me, 1966 was the pinnacle of pop music -- a great place to start for the uninitiated.
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Steve Almaas was a founding member of The Suicide Commandos and Beat Rodeo, and is one half of the duo Steve Almaas and Ali Smith, whose debut album was released last fall.
-- George Zahora
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