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Various religions suggest that there's a "special" hell for certain sins (hurting children, being cruel to animals, using the word "blog" as a verb, etc). Who else needs a "special" hell?
Ken Stringfellow: I would say cast members of The Real World, but they appear to be in the one they auditioned
for!
Due to poor financial planning, you've got to eat for an entire week on only US$10. What do you buy, food-wise?
Ken Stringfellow: As cheap of a bag of sulphate as I can find... no eating necessary!
What's the biggest misconception that people have about you?
Ken Stringfellow: None I can think of. As of late, I have been better at conception... which explains the nine month-old
girl in my flat...
What's the worst injury you've ever suffered for your art (i.e. second degree burns from shorted-out mic, broken leg from failed stage dive)? Tell us about it.
Ken Stringfellow: Singing a completely improvised set of screaming punk music with my band in high school, at a
house party, I managed to give myself a blister on my vocal chords! Not a node, something that
went away after a couple of weeks. When Magnapop opened for the Posies in England 11 years ago,
the bass player was shocked by the mic at soundcheck so bad, he passed out and pissed his pants.
There was a blue spark and everything... yikes.
You've got unlimited funding and technical expertise to make an IMAX movie on the topic of your choice. What do you choose? Describe the obligatory vertigo-inducing camera shot that makes the entire audience clutch their stomachs.
Ken Stringfellow: I would put a little camera and light on the head of a fetus as it bounces around in the sac... and
makes the journey out the tube!
You've locked your car keys inside the tour van and don't have AAA. How do you get the door open?
Ken Stringfellow: Tour van? What kind of operation you think I'm runnin' here? Bus driver is happy to open the
door... or I SMS my assistant!
Ever find useful stuff in the garbage? Describe your best-ever dumpster find and how you used it.
Ken Stringfellow: None, but I have gone back for a hopeful second look at an already sucked bindle or two.
In the UK, trying to kill the Queen is still technically a capital offence. If the Queen tried to commit suicide and failed, could she be sentenced to death? Explain.
Ken Stringfellow: Technically a capital offence (like the Brit spelling, Tommy)? Like french kissing a cobra is
technically a health risk? I mean, you think they let anyone off for trying to frag the Monarch?
Also, I don't think many 78 year old women are gonna jump from the roof and survive.
If you were a 50ft high Tyrannosaurus Rex, would you use your powers for good or evil? Who would you go after first?
Ken Stringfellow: Nathan Lane appears rather tasty and succulent, as well as annoying.
You've decided to write a musical. What's it about and who's the star?
Ken Stringfellow: The Peter Stringfellow story starring Kenny Rogers has appeal on a number of levels.
What's your favorite board game? Why do you like it?
Ken Stringfellow: I like taking a big fucking board and beating the shit out my opponent with it. Wanna play?
Everyone likes at least one cheesy/crappy song that totally kills their cred. What's yours?
Ken Stringfellow: Enjoying "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey with Boyz II Men hurts not my cred a whit.
The standard touring vehicle is always a beat-up van. What has been the worst/weirdest method of conveyance you've had to use on a tour?
Ken Stringfellow: Again, what kind of county fair fruit stand bullshit do you think I am participating in? I mean,
playing poker in the back of a chartered 737 with the E Street Band is more my m.o. these days... I
went back to the house we were staying at in the Faroe Islands after a White Flag show on a
different island in a tiny fishing boat... After an REM show in New Jersey, Dana Giacchetto (Google
it, interesting story) took Toni Collette and I back to Manhattan in his private helicopter,
landing on a little pad next to the W. Side Highway... from which we walked to a party at his place
10 blocks away. All these are sort of unusual, but... I haven't been in a beat up van since 1989.
I hate to dispel cherished (and clichéd) myths but e.g. the Long Winters tour in a very nice and
well maintained van. The Descendents have been on a tour bus, at least in Europe, since "back
then" and Jonathan Richman goes by Greyhound or fans that will give him a lift.
What was the best meal you were supplied by a tour venue? What was the worst?
Ken Stringfellow: Typically, catering is provided in house in big venues in the US. Contracts are bid on and
guess who wins? The lowest bidder. So, they are awful as rule. School lunch style... However, the
Saska Arena in Prague flew in a Michelin-starred chef to provide a buffet after REM's show
there... baby. But many of the small venues I play in Europe have restaurants attached and the food
is generally quite good. Fuck, even the bacon cheeseburgers at Hell's Kitchen in Tacoma are
killer, probably literally.
Will it ever truly be possible to "rock the vote", or will apathy, indifference and laziness always triumph over activism?
Ken Stringfellow: How wonderfully simplistic and cynical you are. You must be a music journalist. Like anything it's
back and forth, success and failure in a jerrymander patchwork quilt. It's called the democratic
process, you ape.
You discover a new disease, "(Your name here)'s Syndrome". What are its symptoms? What is the cure for "(Your name here)'s Syndrome"?
Ken Stringfellow: Pinknose, which results from crushing valium, xanax and ecstasy tabs and snorting them in attempt
to balance out white powder underestimation problem. It's cured by not staying up too late and
never carrying cash when you are drunk.
You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about. What would you like to cry about?
Ken Stringfellow: I'm crying now, which technically means you gave me the inspiration... but you offered to give me
something to cry about and then asked me to do all the work. Now I think you might be a record
company.
If you could watch one historical event re-enacted by a cast of chimpanzees, which one would it be, and why?
Ken Stringfellow: The history of chimpanzees from the dawn of time would probably be easiest... but Saturday Night
Fever remade with chimps would be pretty good.
What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen (and don't choose one of your own)?
Ken Stringfellow: "After Hours Deposits Here" on the small of a young girl's back.
How long after an unopened gallon of milk's "use-by" date has passed would you be willing to use it?
Ken Stringfellow: I haven't bought a gallon of milk since Hüsker Dü was together.
What is the most unusual item you've thrown up on/in?
Ken Stringfellow: Eric Corson, bass player of the Long Winters!
Do you prefer the term "underwear" or "underpants"? What does that say about you?
Ken Stringfellow: I wear some things called panties exclusively when on tour. Interpret freely, but it drives
the Mrs. wild.
You've been asked to submit an anecdote or "tip" to a book called Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned On Tour With My Band. What do you tell them?
Ken Stringfellow: Do it yourself, and you'll learn everything you need to know. Fed Ex cash home in the form of a
cashier's check anytime you have more then $3000 in the tour kitty.
What basic freedoms are you prepared to give up in exchange for your and your family's safety?
Ken Stringfellow: It's a few other people's freedoms I would restrict... You are starting to scare me, by the way.
Due to a breakthrough in technology, it's possible to learn any skill, no matter how complex, pretty much instantly, by uploading the information directly into your brain (yes, like in The Matrix). Unfortunately, you can only do it once. What skill would you learn, and why?
Ken Stringfellow: I would love to be able to speak and understand all languages, human and otherwise.
Not to be morbid, but let's assume that (a) you've died, and (b) you filled out an organ donor card and potential recipients are lining up. Which part of your body do you think will be most sought-after? Are there any bits no-one will want?
Ken Stringfellow: Have at it...not much meat left on this bone, baby.
You've been given the resources and financial backing to create a new satellite TV network that caters specifically to your tastes and the tastes of people like you. What's it called, and what does it show?
Ken Stringfellow: Foreign films that I can't rent in Paris cuz the subtitles are only in French, and every piece of
video/film footage available that has me in it. It's Omnistringz.
There are literally hundreds of euphemisms for masturbation. What's the best one you've heard?
Ken Stringfellow: In CRS (Cockney Rhyming Slang, presumably -- Ed.) it's a Barclay's... Barclay's Bank, wank.
Which is worse: downloading an album and burning copies for five friends, or shoplifting one physical copy of the same CD from an overpriced national retailer? Explain your answer.
Ken Stringfellow: The shoplifting one, as you will likely get nicked for that.
A few years ago, anal sex was still taboo; nowadays it's trendy. What will be the next major sexual taboo to fall?
Ken Stringfellow: Have you every heard of ancient Greece? You make anal sex sound like visiting an Oxygen Bar or
having a pet rock. And trust me, it's not. No sex practice is taboo everywhere. In some tribes in
remote Papua New Guinea, fathers pass their mojo on their sons by having them fellate them... no
lie. Generals roaming the post battle carnage in years past have been known to find a still warm
corpse and shag the open wounds. What appears to be a taboo is someone's blinders on.
What, in your opinion, is the best book ever written? And why?
Ken Stringfellow: None. Like I'd want a garden with one flower in it, cuz it's the "best". I read Time's Arrow by
Martin Amis recently, which I loved and ended up reading twice. I am also very into a good word
origin dictionary.
The USA needs a universal healthcare system. So far, no President has gotten anywhere near implementing one. Why do you think they keep failing? (Bonus: Outline your own plan for universal healthcare in 100 words or less.)
Ken Stringfellow: It's not possible. Probably we will have competing systems that are used by people with different
incomes. France is like this.
Right this very second, what are you most looking forward to, and why?
Ken Stringfellow: See below:
Signing off
KS
Manchester, UK
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In addition to his thriving solo career, Ken Stringfellow's resume includes the Posies, Big Star, REM and the Minus 5. If you've never heard of him -- shame on you! -- you can learn a lot more about him in this Splendid feature interview from 2004.
-- George Zahora
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