IF YOU WERE OFFERED A 60-SECOND SPOT DURING PRIME-TIME TELEVISION TO
SAY OR PROMOTE ANYTHING YOU WANTED, HOW WOULD YOU USE THE TIME?
Chad Smith: I would personally challege each viewer to get up and turn off the TV set -- and maybe offer suggestions for alternative things to do with their time.
YOUR HOME IS BURNING DOWN. EVERYONE -- FAMILY, PETS, ETC. -- IS SAFELY
OUT OF IT. YOU HAVE TIME TO GO IN AND "SAVE" ONE ITEM. WHAT DO YOU GO
AFTER?
Chad Smith: As cheesy as it may sound, my guitar, 'cause it's not actually my guitar -- it's my best friend's, and he'd be pissed if I let it burn.
IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO PISS OFF YOUR DENTIST, WHAT FOOD WOULD YOU
EAT RIGHT BEFORE HAVING YOUR TEETH CLEANED?
Chad Smith: Do pubic hairs count as food? Because that would be great to clip a handful
and slip 'em in your mouth right when you sit in the chair.
WHICH WOULD BE MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU: FREE HEALTH-CARE FOR EVERYONE,
OR A FREE COLLEGE EDUCATION FOR EVERYONE?
Chad Smith: Free health care obviously! We live in this pathetic system where people die
of completely curable ailments. In the future people will look back at this
point in history and wonder what the hell we were thinking. It's the same as
people dying of hunger while the gov't subsidises grain farmers whose crops
just rot in warehouses.
OTHER THAN PLAYING MUSIC, WHAT OTHER SKILLS DO YOU HAVE THAT WOULD
ENTERTAIN A PAYING AUDIENCE?
Chad Smith: Jason, our bass player, can juggle objects while bending his legs completely
backwards and folding them into his ribcage, and Tim can draw portraits with
a pen jabbed completely up his nose.
YOU ARE LOCKED IN A ROOM WITH A TICKING TIME BOMB. WITH 30 SECONDS LEFT,
YOU'VE GOT TO DECIDE WHETHER TO CUT THE RED WIRE, THE BLUE WIRE OR
THE GREEN WIRE. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHICH WIRE TO CUT?
Chad Smith: This is kind of a dumb question but we would probably squabble about it
until we all blew up.
IF YOU HAD TO EAT THE SAME THREE MEALS EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR
LIFE,
WHAT WOULD THEY BE?
Chad Smith: 1. My mother's pasta salad; 2. Potato wedges from the 604 Minute Market circa
1993; 3. Anything our guitarist Chad Hardin cooks.
IF YOU COULD REQUIRE A VENUE TO GIVE YOU ANY ONE ITEM, HOWEVER
EXTRAVAGANT,
BESIDES THE USUAL WATER/SODA/BEER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Chad Smith: VHS copies of "Tenacious D" episodes.
WHAT BAD HABIT DO YOU HAVE THAT WOULD BE MOST LIKELY TO CAUSE YOU TO LOSE
A 9 TO 5 OFFICE JOB?
Chad Smith: The habit of hating 9 to 5 jobs.
YOU'VE JUST FALLEN OFF A 200-STOREY BUILDING. THE FALL WILL TAKE AT LEAST
15 SECONDS. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ON THE WAY DOWN?
Chad Smith: Arching my back, spreading my arms and maintaining good form.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE "SUPER POWER" (HEAT VISION, FLIGHT, ETC.), WHAT
SUPER POWER WOULD YOU WANT?
Chad Smith: The ability to sling feces at people like GG Allin.
IF YOUR FANS DECIDED TO SHOW THEIR APPRECIATION BY THROWING SOMETHING
"USEFUL"
AT YOU WHILE YOU'RE PLAYING, WHAT WOULD YOU MOST WANT THEM TO THROW?
Chad Smith: Is this rhetorical? My own feces.
IF, IN ADDITION TO YOUR CURRENT RESIDENCE, YOU COULD MAINTAIN ANOTHER HOME
ANYWHERE
IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Chad Smith: The van, with my best friends, touring the countryside like Willie Nelson.
YOU'VE HEARD THE EXPRESSION "THEY COULDN'T PAY ME ENOUGH TO DO THAT JOB."
FOR YOU,
WHAT IS "THAT JOB"?
Chad Smith: Calling people for in-home vaccuum demos, I've done that before and believe
me, it sucks.
WHICH WOULD YOU LEAST WANT POSTED ON THE INTERNET: NUDE PICTURES OF YOU,
OR YOUR
CREDIT CARD NUMBER(S)? WHY?
Chad Smith: Pictures of me eating Tim's feces. Why? Because it was a personal experience
that a lot of people can't understand.
WHAT ANIMAL SOCIAL TRAIT DO YOU MOST WISH HUMANS WOULD ACQUIRE?
Chad Smith: The inability to conquer, destroy, and pollute everything they touch.
WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY WOULD YOU LEAST MIND HAVING AMPUTATED?
Chad Smith: The hairs that are starting to grow all over my back.
