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You can choose to have one -- and only one -- super power. Other than gaining that power, you remain exactly the same as you are now. What super power would you pick, and why?
Frank Meyer: To read minds, so I would know what everyone else is thinking and always
have a funny retort that no one thought of.
What was your favorite day job, and why? If you hated them all, what was the best (meaning most interesting) way you ever quit a job?
Frank Meyer: My current day job as an editor at porn trade magazine AVN is pretty great
as I get to hang out with naked porn stars all day and watch them have sex.
And get paid for it!
We've all heard variations on the phrase "there are two kinds of people in the world... Those who (do or think something) and those who (do or think something else)". What are the two kinds of people in the world for you?
Frank Meyer: Me and everyone else.
If money/ambition/significant others/et cetera were all non-issues, where would you choose to live and why?
Frank Meyer: Anywhere but LA.
You've been given the money and resources to produce a movie biography of the most significant, influential person in your life. Who's it about, what's the story, and who plays the central character?
Frank Meyer: Thunder on the Tundra: The Story of Thor the Rock Warrior. It is my dream to
make that movie. www.thorcentral.com.
Summarize your driving ability in 25 words or less.
Frank Meyer: Very fucking good.
What is the function of your music in a capitalist society?
Frank Meyer: To get fucked up, fight and fuck to. That's all. No deeper meaning than
that.
You've just entered a contest in which the prize is an MP3 player loaded with the complete, exhaustive recorded output of any artist you choose. You win. Who do you choose?
Frank Meyer: I'd sell it and go buy pot. I have the collections of all the bands I like
anyways, but can always use more weed.
What are you carrying on your person -- in your pockets, purse, et cetera -- right now?
Frank Meyer: Money and weed.
You're on tour, you're in an unfamiliar city, you haven't eaten in 24 hours, and due to some poor financial decisions, you have only a single unit of the local currency -- one dollar, one pound, or thereabouts. What do you eat?
Frank Meyer: I wouldn't. I'd go buy beer. Tastes great, fills you up, and gets you fucked
up. Food is for fags.
What was the last song you danced to? Who, if anyone, did you dance with?
Frank Meyer: The only time I ever dance is the Atlanta's The Forty Fives come to town or
when I catch a P-Funk show. Beyond those events, dancing does nothing for
me.
When did you last make a mountain out of a molehill?
Frank Meyer: This interview.
Post-Schwarzenegger, are there any high-profile people you'd like to see run for governor or other high office? Who and why?
Frank Meyer: I would love to have seen Frank Zappa run for president. He wouldn't have
won but I sure would have made for amazing debates!
Apart from cheeseburgers, what is the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast?
Frank Meyer: Tacos.
You receive a series of e-mails stating that Grace Jones, Junior Brown, Missy Elliott, Ian Mackaye and Philip Glass are interested in a collaboration. How do you respond to each request?
Frank Meyer: I'd say yes to everyone and go make great music with these people.
Have you ever seen a ghost? Or a dead body? Tell us about it.
Frank Meyer: Nope, but I play in Cheetah Chrome's band...some say that's kind of like
seeing a ghost!
Everyone can do at least a couple of decent imitations -- of celebrities, maybe, or associates, friends and family. Who can you "do"?
Frank Meyer: I just do my wife.
What was the last book you read and hated? Why did you hate it?
Frank Meyer: I wasn't crazy about the recent Iggy Pop bio. The writer seemed to have this
anti-Iggy slant. Who wants to read a bio on Iggy from a guy who seems to
think he's a jerk?
Let's assume that god is a DJ. What's on his playlist right now?
Frank Meyer: Exile on Main Street -- Hey, even God loves Keith Richards.
Who was your favourite teacher in high school? Why?
Frank Meyer: My English teacher Katie McGovern was my fave because she encouraged me to
write and talk during class instead of telling me to sit down and shut up
like every other teacher.
What is your favorite Meg Ryan movie?
Frank Meyer: Kate & Leopold because my brother was in it.
What is your favorite "comfort food" when you're on tour?
Frank Meyer: Beer.
Tell us about the least likely place you ever sent a CD/demo. Why did you send it? What happened?
Frank Meyer: I never sent demos around to the big labels or places like that. I just
assumed no one working at a major label had any interest in rock 'n' roll,
so I just made albums for small labels and hit the road.
What essential item are you most likely to leave at home when you're heading out on tour? What do you do about it?
Frank Meyer: Toothbrush. I'd either end up buying one at a gas station or make my
bandmates suffer greatly.
Aliens have just landed, and you get to select the Earth's goodwill ambassador. Who do you pick, and why?
Frank Meyer: David Lee Roth. Because he'll have them laughing, make them think we are all
rock stars and keep them entertained at Crazy Girls.
You wake up one morning and discover that you have dolphin telepathy. What do you do with it?
Frank Meyer: Find out what is all the rage with those crazy Dolphins, of course. I bet
they have a lot to say.
You've just been hit in the face with a large chocolate cream pie. How do you react?
Frank Meyer: That has happened to me. I just kept singing and finished the song.
Assuming that you must choose one, which would you rather listen to for an hour: Christian rock, mainstream country or Jessica Simpson?
Frank Meyer: None, I would kill myself first.
What's the deal with those damn raccoons?
Frank Meyer: I don't know, but why do they keep whispering dirty psalms into my ear while
I sleep? If you can answer me that, you will be my best friend.
What is the most awkward moment in which you have caught a person adjusting, scratching, or otherwise handling his or her own genitals?
Frank Meyer: My guitarist walked in on the MC5's Wayne Kramer buck naked awaiting sexual
favors once a few years back on tour. That was pretty awkward.
Where do you think Osama Bin Laden is hiding and what would it take to get him to come out?
Frank Meyer: I don't think he is hiding. I just think we don't know where to look. I bet
Jenna Jameson could get him to come out in 15 seconds. Those guys love porn.
It's all they have.
You're sitting in a pub when an errant dart from the games area strikes you in the leg. With the dart pointing out of your body, do you pull it out, shout for help or attack the jackass who hit you?
Frank Meyer: All of the above.
What would you consider to be the worst fate imaginable for your music, and which contemporary artist would you most wish this terrible end upon?
Frank Meyer: For me, the worst fate would be to simply not be able to make music at all.
I would wish this upon Courtney Love. I truly hate her music.
What is sexy?
Frank Meyer: Girls that like me.
Which reality TV game show could you see yourself as a winning contestant on? Explain.
Frank Meyer: None, I don't watch them. If they invented one called Useless Knowledge,
then I'd win.
What is the strangest thing you've ever had for breakfast?
Frank Meyer: Pizza and burgers...but I guess that's not all that strange...
Which non-music related product (i.e. -- no instruments, microphones, etc.) would you most like to be a celebrity spokesperson for?
Frank Meyer: If there could be a spokesman for tacos and beer, then I would be it.
Describe the skankiest, sketchiest place -- whether it's someone's home or a hotel/motel room -- that you've stayed in while on tour.
Frank Meyer: I slept on a dog's hairy, drool-ridden doggy bed once when we stayed at some
girls' house in Phoenix. Woke up with fleas!
If you had an army of super-intelligent lab mice to do your bidding, what evil deeds would you have them do?
Frank Meyer: I'd have them shut down Spaceland and re-open Raji's, Bar Deluxe and Al's
Bar so that us rockers could have somewhere to hang out, drink and see good
music again.
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Frank Meyer, in addition to being the only man ever to answer four sets of Pointless Questions, is a rock icon. In addition to playing in Sweet Justice with the likewise iconic Bruce Duff and Chris Markwood, he fronts The Streetwalkin' Cheetahs, writes all sorts of stuff and generally is everywhere, if you take the time to look.
-- George Zahora
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