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What band did you listen to most during the eighties? Do you still like them?
Seth Diamond: Iron Maiden. They were my favorite band since I was 10 years
old and still are. Listen to the end keyboard melody of "Citizen Beautiful
Alien". That's mad Adrian Smith melodies.
Jay McCabe: Jefferson Airplane and yes, very much!
Larry Hess: The Smiths, and yes, I do.
Jeff Newman: Well, the first tape I bought with my own allowance money was
Raising Hell by Run DMC. This was followed by License to Ill. Unfortunately,
the first Poison album came shortly thereafter. Give me a break -- I was nine.
What is your worst memory of elementary school? Of high school?
Jeff Newman: I remember Ari Burd puking all over the desk in second grade. It
kind of resembled cream corn, but smelled much worse. Remnants of the stench
lingered for at least a week and it sucked. As for high school, I lost three
grandparents. That sucked even more.
Jay McCabe: Getting in trouble for wearing a Hitler Word Tour shirt and for
trying to poison a fellow student...
Larry Hess: Getting suspended for mooning a kid after a kickball game in
elementary school. My dad totally flipped so I felt bad then, but in
retrospect the kid was the only one to wear a Dead Kennedys shirt in 4th
grade. I feel bad now, because maybe we could have been friends had we met
under better circumstances.
Seth Diamond: My worst memory of elementary school was Lauren Abrams getting me in trouble in Ms. Guttenplan's 3rd grade class for singing Motley Crue's song "Bastard" out loud. I got detention for the first time in my life (or whatever they do in the third grade -- I may have lost recess or something). My defense then, which I stick to now, is that "Bastard" is not a curse word, it's the name of a Motley Crue song. My worst memory of high school is joining the Feud.
You're about to -- ahem -- get lucky. What album is playing in the background? Why'd you choose it?
Seth Diamond: I'll tell you what I won't put in anymore is the Feud. I always
thought doing it to my own shit would be awesome, but then I would get
distracted and end up drumming on the girl's ass. This has happened more
than once...
Jeff Newman: Two Sides of Leonard Nimoy, because nothing sets the mood like the
enchanting croons of Spock.
Jay McCabe: Verve's A Storm in Heaven. It chose me.
Larry Hess: I get too distracted by music. I would usually let the lady do the
choosin'.
What was the first thing you ever shoplifted? Why did you take it?
Larry Hess: I don't remember the first time I took something, but I remember my
first stealing spree. It was in Livingston, NJ with some kids I did not know
very well. I was 16, they were 17. They were fucking thieves. They stole the
hard tops off of Jeeps in lots, and took them to chop shops. All I really
got away with was the Zeppelin boxset, which I have no clue what happened
to. My stealing days came to an end when Bone and myself, along with the
Gooch and our friend Dan, got arrested at Tower Records on Long Island. It
was a sad and funny day. But now we have the internet and we are allowed to
steal music. Amazing how things can change.
Jay McCabe: Candy -- it's good.
Seth Diamond: Boredoms' Soul Discharge cassette from Tower Records, Westbury,
Long Island, 1993. I did it to feel bad-ass. And it worked.
Jeff Newman: I believe it was a bunch of Mingus CDs. The back catalog was simply
too extensive to build with my own funds.
If you could beat up anyone in the world and get away without the usual annoying real-world consequences -- jail time, lawsuits, bad press, etc. --who would it be, and why?
Jay McCabe: Pro Life Pete. He's got a screw loose.
Larry Hess: George W. I don't think I really have to go into why.
Seth Diamond: Our president. Not that I would feel very political about it,
it's just that he seems like the kind of charmed-life twit that never had
anyone just beat some sense into him in the schoolyard. He could use some
of that, the little fucking Napoleonic prick.
Jeff Newman: Moby. Wouldn't it be great for him to get the shit kicked out of him
again? We should start an organization to help perpetuate more random acts
of violence against this weasly prick. We could call it RAVAM. Maybe he
would stop making such god-awful music and start eating yellow #5.
What's the biggest risk you've ever taken? Why did you take it?
Seth Diamond: Threatening the president of the United States in the above
question. I did it because it was the best answer I could think of.
Jay McCabe: Coming out of the womb... I was gettin' bored.
Jeff Newman: This one time I had to traverse a flaming pit that was infested with
giant scorpions. I did it to save Rock and Roll and yes, the scorpions were
fireproof. Duh.
Larry Hess: Getting married. I was in love, and still am.
It's better to regret something you have done than it is to regret something you haven't done. What do you regret doing (other than agreeing to answer these questions)? Why did you do it?
Jay McCabe: Hahahahaha... this one's gonna be like that, huh?
Larry Hess: I don't think it's a great idea to regret anything. I'm too young to
have regrets. I haven't seen the full consequences of most of my actions.
Seth Diamond: There's a lot of Feud songs I play much differently live than I
did on the record. I don't think my parts were as developed when we went
in, which is probably because I never think.
Jeff Newman: I regret filling up this water gun with piss and getting even with
Jason Eisenstadt in elementary school. I think I went a little too far that
day.
Did you go to your high school prom? If so, who did you go with?
Seth Diamond: I did not. A decision I have never once regretted.
Jay McCabe: Nope... went to a taping of The Ricki Lake Show.
Larry Hess: I did go to my high school prom. I went with the Bone. Well, actually
we just went to central park, took mushrooms, and then went to see The Jon
Spencer Blues Explosion. It was fucking awesome. Beat the shit out of the
real prom.
Jeff Newman: I went to see the Blues Explosion for my prom. Larrian was my date.
He put out. The rest is Feud history.
What movie would you recommend to absolutely anyone? Why?
Jeff Newman: "Yea, I saw Harry Potter. It wasn't bad. Hey Timmy, you know what
you should check out if you liked that? The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It's
kind of about wizards and sorcery, but the special effects are so much
better."
Jay McCabe: Dazed And Confused... Are you cool, man?
Seth Diamond: The Big Lebowski. Its my favorite movie of all time. I can't
go into it any more than that, or this answer would be longer than the whole
interview.
Larry Hess: The Jerk. If you can't laugh at that movie you are taking yourself
too seriously (or you just don't like stupid humor). It's a classic in my
book.
For reasons we won't bother going into right now, you're going to be locked in the back of a truck for a sixteen-hour drive between gigs. If you could have any musician, past or present, back there to keep you company, who would it be?
Jay McCabe: Charlie Parker.
Jeff Newman: I'd have to go with Snoop Dogg on this one.
Larry Hess: Leadbelly. He seems like he would have the best stories. Plus he could
just sing them the whole way. He also would have enough coke to keep us
going.
Seth Diamond: The Bone.
What is your strongest, most unshakeable belief?
Larry Hess: That rock music is the highest of all art forms.
Seth Diamond: That I will one day have an unstoppable army of monkeys trained
to do my evil bidding. I believe it only needs to start with one monkey.
Once he is up to speed he can recruit and train other monkeys.
Jeff Newman: It is best to stay on El Topo's good side. Once he has those
monkeys, God knows what he will do.
Jay McCabe: That I'm always right, and everybody else is so wrong that it hurts
when I pee.
What's the worst band you've ever heard? Why do they suck?
Jeff Newman: The Yeah Yeah Yeahs are pretty awful. I really don't feel the need
to go into this any further and have probably said too much already.
Larry Hess: Jeez, I have heard some fucking terrible bands. I really think this,
not because they are huge, but because they really really suck: Creed. That
shit is the most horribly produced, unbearably overdone, ego-maniacal,
self-obsessed drivel I have ever heard.
Jay McCabe: Boyzone. Bad dancers.
Seth Diamond: The Feud. They need a singer.
If you were a porn star, what would your "porn name" be?
Jay McCabe: J.J. Manassass.
Jeff Newman: Bahnsby Franks, an American Bahnsby.
Larry Hess: Heath Beefington.
Seth Diamond: DJ THROB.
You're on your way to a show, and all of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of a huge four-way battle between pirates, ninjas, robots and intelligent apes from the future. Your only hope of getting to your gig is to pick a side. Who do you join, and why?
Jeff Newman: Intelligent Apes from the Future. They have their own ninjas, and
let's face it: intelligent future ninja-apes aren't to be messed with.
Jay McCabe: Robots don't bleed.
Seth Diamond: THE APES! No contest. Maybe after the fight they would let me
hang out with them, and could give me tips on the monkey army.
Larry Hess: Intelligent Apes from the Future, no doubt. If they came from the
future they would probably have a much more advanced fighting technique.
They would also already know the outcome of this battle and whether or not I
got to the gig. So I think in light of all the information they already have
at their disposal I would want to be on their side.
If you could sponsor any beverage -- appear in their ads, receive a lifetime supply and never be seen drinking a competing product -- what beverage would it be?
Seth Diamond: Jack Daniels!
Jay McCabe: Strawberry Quik.
Larry Hess: It would be some sort of mixture of Jack Daniels and Dunkin' Donuts
coffee. But it has to taste better than just pouring Jack in your coffee.
It needs to be a delicious, invigorating beverage that warms you innards as
well as getting you soused. Dunkin' Daniels, The original Whiffskee. That's
the drink for me.
Jeff Newman: Jack Daniels. Why, do you know someone?
What's the best venue you've ever played? What's the worst? Why?
Larry Hess: I liked Lee's palace in Toronto. It used to be a porno theatre, and it's
huge. They also had some old British hippy projecting lava lamp shit on us.
Allegedly he used to roadie for Hawkwind. The worst is a tough one. I might
have to say the Continental, but they have a great happy hour.
Jeff Newman: The Raven in Hamilton, Ontario was a blast while it was still
around. They know how to get a band drunk. As for the worst, I definitely
have an answer for this one, but seeing as we will probably have to play
there in the near future, I'm going to go with my mom's basement.
Seth Diamond: Best venue: Lee's Palace, Toronto. Worst Venue: Charleston,
Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Why the fuck not?
Jay McCabe: Lee's Palace/The Spiral.
What's wrong with Rolling Stone these days?
Seth Diamond: I've spent social time with some of the dudes that write for
Rolling Stone. It's worse off than you think. You can't handle the truth!
Jay McCabe: No Bill Wyman...
Larry Hess: It's a prisoner of its own design. The original people who thought
it was a cool magazine are way too old to bother reading music mags, and
they have never really found a way to relate to a younger, music loving
audience. A lot of that has to do with how fractured the record industry is
nowadays, but a lot of it is just the fact that they are big fat sell-outs.
Jeff Newman: Dude, you have to calm down. Rolling stoned can really mess you up.
Seriously. Chill the fuck out.
Why are frogs amusing?
Jeff Newman: Because they will only sing and dance like Gene Kelly when you're
alone with them. The second you get them on a stage in front of a packed
house, they go limp. Now that is funny.
Jay McCabe: Lick. Potential acid trip.
Larry Hess: I used to live in front of a sump that was filled with bullfrogs, and
there is nothing fucking funny about those freaky creatures. That guttural
belching sound will follow me till I die.
Seth Diamond: I'm a monkey man myself.
You've traveled back in time and met yourself, age sixteen. What do you think?
Jay McCabe: Oh Man...
Jeff Newman: "Hey man, do you know where I could score some reefer?"
Larry Hess: He's not so bad. Smokes too damn much weed, though.
Seth Diamond: I'm thinking Damn, I fucking travelled back in time! Fuck my
past self, I'm going to NYC 1969 to hang out with John Cale.
Which would be worse: three hours on a bus full of four year-olds, or three hours on a bus full of eighty year-olds? Why?
Larry Hess: 80 year-olds. They would just complain and they wouldn't want you to
play the music too loud. With the kids it's only three hours -- you can play
enough games to make the time go by.
Jay McCabe: Well that's just a loss either way. Both options give you smelly,
drooling, pants crapping, bald humans.
Seth Diamond: 80 year olds, I hate children.
Jeff Newman: Well, they probably both stink of piss and shit, but at least with
the 80 year olds, there is a good shot of scoring some primo meds.
The US government is considering far more aggressive regulation of leather pants. Under the new rules, who should or shouldn't be allowed to wear them?
Jay McCabe: Axl Rose.
Jeff Newman: Anyone who owns one of those small fucking dogs and dresses it up
should be forced to dress it in assless chaps. Other than that, a complete
ban.
Larry Hess: Woody Allen, no. Rose McGowan, yes. Danzig, no. Shakira, yes.
Seth Diamond: Who should? Me. Who should not? My Mom.
What, in your opinion, is the best porn?
Jay McCabe: German.
Jeff Newman: Midget porn, by a, er, long shot...
Larry Hess: Clown porn.
Seth Diamond: That POV first person stuff where it's like one sleazy guy with
a video camera getting some poor girl who needs to make rent to suck his
dick while he's molesting her with one hand and Steady-Cam'ing it with
another. I love that shit.
What food item could you eat every day for the rest of your life without getting bored of it? What's so good about it?
Larry Hess: Pizza. It's cheap, it's filling, and it's delicious.
Jay McCabe: Corn Dogs... best of four worlds.
Seth Diamond: Either whitefish or falafel. They're both just tasty, natch.
Jeff Newman: Mango. It is always full of surprises.
Will the next Star Wars movie suck? Why or why not?
Jay McCabe: Could give two shits.
Jeff Newman: Undoubtedly, yes it will, for the exact opposite reasons that the
Yeah Yeah Yeahs suck.
Seth Diamond: This is the big one, no happy ending (we hope to God), massive
destruction ruin and despair. If Episode 3 sucks, I will lose all faith in
American storytelling.
Larry Hess: Beats me. I didn't see that last one. But it probably will suck. They
should have quit when they were ahead.
How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?
Jay McCabe: I guess the road less traveled.
Jeff Newman: Actually, a real man stays right where he is and tells you to piss
off.
Larry Hess: I can't stand this question.
Seth Diamond: Seven.
Everyone's replacing their least-favorite body parts with cybernetic ones. Which part(s) of your body would you replace?
Seth Diamond: Depends on what attachments and upgrades you can get. I would
probably get Cybernetic Buttocks. If they could shoot micro missiles or
something that would be great. I saw one of those KISS reunion shows and
Ace Frehley shot a rocket out of his ass. I thought it was the coolest
thing I had ever seen.
Larry Hess: My knees. They always hurt. Can my cybernetic replacement have some
sort of storage space? And maybe a radio. That would be great. Thanks.
Jay McCabe: Do lungs and ears count?
Jeff Newman: Two words: Cyber Nards.
What topics or statements would inspire you to call in to a talk radio program?
Jay McCabe: World events.
Larry Hess: I don't listen to talk radio, and I couldn't really see any reason
that I would be compelled to call in.
Jeff Newman: Transgender Teenage Psycho Rodeo Slut Meth Addicts, with a heart.
Seth Diamond: I ran a talk show at my college radio station for a year. My
favorite talk show moment was when we had a girl from PETA on who asked if
you would eat an animal, would you also eat a human who is mentally
challenged? I know, brilliant fucking argument right? So I started
discussing preparation of "General Tso's Retard". I think the mentally
challenged would go better in a nice thick spicy sauce rather than baked in
a more basic preparation. Most mentally challenged don't excercise much, so
their meat would probably be a bit stringy... Blech.
What album(s) should everyone be given on their eighteenth birthday?
Seth Diamond: Sonic Youth's Daydream Nation, Iron Maiden's Live After Death,
Velvet Underground's White Light/White Heat, David Bowie's Low, Neil Young's Everybody Knows this is nowhere, the Violent Femmes' self-titled one, and The Cure's Disintegration.
Larry Hess: You're Living All Over Me by Dinosaur Jr. It's a very uplifting and
feel-good album, even though the lyrics are a little bleak. They will be
moving ahead in life and wanting something far from the dreariness of high
school existence as they move into a world of their choosing, and that
should be celebrated with songs such as "Sludgefeast".
Jay McCabe: Charlie Parker's Yardbird Suite; A Tribe Called Quest's Midnight Marauders;
Jefferson Airplane's Surrealistic Pillow; Verve's Storm In Heaven; Steely
Dan's Can't Buy A Thrill; Death's Human; Boards Of Canada's Music Has The
Right To Children; The Beatles' Revolver; Patsy Cline's Heartaches; The Smiths' Strangeways Here We Come.
Jeff Newman: White Light/White Heat; Taking Tiger Mountain (by Strategy); Daydream Nation. I will stop there.
· · · · · · ·
Splendid's Jason Jackowiak said this of The Feud's more-or-less newly-released Language is Technology:
NYC quintet the Feud have dragged the decaying corpse out of its resting place, intent on beating/breathing some life into the stagnant genre. Nakedly brazen in its intent and jaggedly ensnaring in its implementation, Language is Technology is the album post-headz have been waiting for -- a sonorous expanse of shifting time signatures, carefully planned melodic uprisings and gritty metallic interplay. It's a perfect potion for the post-punk massive turned off by Trans Am's cock-proggishness, and far tougher than the Sea and Cake's altogether more genteel offerings.
-- George Zahora
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