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You've been given a robot that can be trained to perform one standardized task perfectly, as often as necessary. What do you train it to do?
Matt Berninger: Answer questions.
You are seriously ill. There are two vaccines that will save your life, but both have side effects: one will permanently eliminate your sense of taste, and the other will permanently eliminate all feeling in your genitals. Which vaccine would you choose?
Matt Berninger: What? Definitely not the one that makes everything taste like genitals.
Somehow you've gotten into a fight with someone twice your size. Where do you aim the first punch?
Matt Berninger: Their soul.
The "fast-forward" and "skip" buttons on all your stereo equipment are broken, and you can't afford to repair them right now. For the time being, you can only listen to albums from beginning to end, without skipping any songs. What albums in your collection are still listenable?
Matt Berninger: Most.
You've somehow been given the chance to spend the day with a character (not an actor) from any film or television program. Who do you choose?
Matt Berninger: Do we get to make out? If so, Tina Fey (I know, she's real, I don't care).
If not, Big Bird. Can the three of us go swimming?
If you could instantly learn to play one instrument that you don't
currently play, what would it be?
Matt Berninger: The broad wessinger.
The people of the town where you were born want to name a building after you. They've asked you to choose the sort of building that best matches your personality. What kind of building do you choose?
Matt Berninger: A large foam castle, Xanadu style, with a porch swing.
What month of the year do you least anticipate? Why?
Matt Berninger: September, because that's the month that Jesus went missing. He was later
found in October but his entire body had been shaved, he had scratches all
over his back and peculiar red marks around his neck and shoulders. When
John the Baptist asked him where he'd been Jesus replied "Back off, John! I
was OUT! Is that alright with you?"
What animal would you most like to house in your back yard, if you
could?
Matt Berninger: Two of each beautiful species in the forest, and they could all talk and
sing and I could train them to attack graphic designers and performance
artists.
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Matt Berninger: Desired.
What's the best advice you've ever received? Who gave it to you?
Matt Berninger: Look both ways before you run across the street. A 1982 Lincoln Town Car, blue.
You've been invited to perform as the middle act in a three-act bill. You get to choose the other two artists. Who opens for you, and who follows you?
Matt Berninger: Siegfried & Roy, us, then Siegfried & Roy again joined by Tina Fey, Big
Bird, the robot and my beautiful singing animals of the forest, then after
the show we all go backstage and make out.
You've been placed in the Witness Protection Program, and must change your name. You're able to pick your new name. What do you call yourself?
Matt Berninger: Gus.
What is the greatest invention of the last ten years?
Matt Berninger: I think it's a tie between the artificial liver and flavored cognac.
Thanks to a breakthrough in technology, you can have a perfect memory-recording of one event in your life. Everything is included --taste, smell, sound, vision and feeling; it basically means that you can relive the event over and over again. What event would you want to relive?
Matt Berninger: The night from a few questions ago.
What toy from your childhood would you most like to track down now?
Matt Berninger: Amy Ringold.
Assuming that money, legality, etc. is no object, what is your intoxicant of choice?
Matt Berninger: The eyes of the goldenchild who will be known to mankind by the alcohol
level of her tears.
Which is more dangerous in the wrong hands -- guns or knowledge?
Matt Berninger: I don't know, guns?
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The National recently released their self-titled debut. Our own Jason Jackowiak, who seems to review a lot of these things, said:
The National's charge is based around lead singer Matt Berninger's sultry vocals, which lie somewhere between Urge Overkill frontman Nash Kato's suave murmur and Johnny Cash's barrel-chested baritone. It's clear from the off that he is indeed the star of the show, and as such he plays the role of the rhinestone-encrusted crooner supremely well -- especially on standouts like the Nashville-tinged "Pay for Me" and the Jonathan Richman and Modern Lovers-esque "John's Star". But fear not -- Berninger's bandmates (two sets of brothers, as luck would have it) are equally skilled craftsmen, and it is their whiskey-and-honey-soaked accompaniment that allows him to roll out his red velvet carpet and share his slightly ribald tales of solitude and anguish
Okay, then.
-- George Zahora
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