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Various religions suggest that there's a "special" hell for certain sins (hurting children, being cruel to animals, using the word "blog" as a verb, etc). Who else needs a "special" hell?
Hutch Harris: Music journalists, drummers, the KKK (all white hell).
Due to poor financial planning, you've got to eat for an entire week on only US$10. What do you buy, food-wise?
Hutch Harris: The bill. Tastes like cocaine and dirty fingers.
What's the biggest misconception that people have about you?
Hutch Harris: That I'm their friend.
What's the worst injury you've ever suffered for your art (i.e. second degree burns from shorted-out mic, broken leg from failed stage dive)? Tell us about it.
Hutch Harris: Crotch rot from sweating in Wranglers.
You've got unlimited funding and technical expertise to make an IMAX movie on the topic of your choice. What do you choose? Describe the obligatory vertigo-inducing camera shot that makes the entire audience clutch their stomachs.
Hutch Harris: I would make a "miracle of life"-style film for children about genitals,
entitled "PPs and Baginas". I think you can guess where the stomach
clutching would occur.
You've locked your car keys inside the tour van and don't have AAA. How do you get the door open?
Hutch Harris: I just get that key I left in your ass.
Ever find useful stuff in the garbage? Describe your best-ever dumpster find and how you used it.
Hutch Harris: One time I found some dirty needles. Actually, they found me. It was the
gift that kept on giving.
In the UK, trying to kill the Queen is still technically a capital offence. If the Queen tried to commit suicide and failed, could she be sentenced to death? Explain.
Hutch Harris: The Queen is so fucking boring that she makes me want to commit double
suicide.
If you were a 50ft high Tyrannosaurus Rex, would you use your powers for good or evil? Who would you go after first?
Hutch Harris: I would use my laser eyes to blast my prey before devouring them. Besides
that I'd be your basic T-Rex.
The standard touring vehicle is always a beat-up van. What has been the worst/weirdest method of conveyance you've had to use on a tour?
Hutch Harris: One time I rode in a bass drum with wheels cross country. It ran on blood
and farts.
Will it ever truly be possible to "rock the vote", or will apathy, indifference and laziness always triumph over activism?
Hutch Harris: Conspiracy and greed trumps all of the above apparently, so I guess we can
all just "suck the vote" for now.
You discover a new disease, "(Your name here)'s Syndrome". What are its symptoms? What is the cure for "(Your name here)'s Syndrome"?
Hutch Harris: I'm actually just going to change my name to hepatitis and have at least
three fine diseases named for me.
You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about. What would you like to cry about?
Hutch Harris: Do you think you can fucking make me cry? Come here, you fuck. I got
chunks of guys like you in my stool.
If you could watch one historical event re-enacted by a cast of chimpanzees, which one would it be, and why?
Hutch Harris: I'd like to see chimpanzees dressed up as the cast of Friends re-enacting
The Devil in Miss Jones.
How long after an unopened gallon of milk's "use-by" date has passed would you be willing to use it?
Hutch Harris: I can't fucking drink milk anymore, it makes me sick. It's like a big glass of pus.
What is the most unusual item you've thrown up on/in?
Hutch Harris: I've thrown up tin cans, fishbones, basically anything "Heathcliff" would
fin in the trash...
Do you prefer the term "underwear" or "underpants"? What does that say about you?
Hutch Harris: I like panties. Can I see yrs? What does that say about me?
You've been asked to submit an anecdote or "tip" to a book called Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned On Tour With My Band. What do you tell them?
Hutch Harris: Does it pay?
What basic freedoms are you prepared to give up in exchange for your and your family's safety?
Hutch Harris: They might as well just take them all. They're kind of a set. I wasn't
really using them anyway. They won't take away cartoons, right? It probably won't be a trade at all. You'll give up your freedoms and
you'll be less safe at the same time. Brilliant!
Not to be morbid, but let's assume that (a) you've died, and (b) you filled out an organ donor card and potential recipients are lining up. Which part of your body do you think will be most sought-after? Are there any bits no-one will want?
Hutch Harris: Let's see... lungs -- no, liver -- no, eyes are good, I think... uhhh...
You've been given the resources and financial backing to create a new satellite TV network that caters specifically to your tastes and the tastes of people like you. What's it called, and what does it show?
Hutch Harris: It's called Fox News. It will give a very fair and balanced account of the
world's tragedies.
There are literally hundreds of euphemisms for masturbation. What's the best one you've heard?
Hutch Harris: Punching the munchkin.
Which is worse: downloading an album and burning copies for five friends, or shoplifting one physical copy of the same CD from an overpriced national retailer? Explain your answer.
Hutch Harris: Does the album fucking suck? If so, the question is moot. If it's good, I
would recommend burning copies, but petty theft can also give you a little rush.
A few years ago, anal sex was still taboo; nowadays it's trendy. What will be the next major sexual taboo to fall?
Hutch Harris: Ear sex, then nostrils.
The USA needs a universal healthcare system. So far, no President has gotten anywhere near implementing one. Why do you think they keep failing? (Bonus: Outline your own plan for universal healthcare in 100 words or less.)
Hutch Harris: There's no oil money in healthcare. Bonus: Move to Canada.
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The Thermals released Fuckin A (which we really liked) a little over a year ago. Since then, they've been quiet. Suspiciously quiet, in fact.
-- George Zahora
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