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Editor's Note: As you might have guessed from the quality of these responses, we're down to the last few Pointless Questions of the current "season". We're working on a new batch now. We apologize for the generally dodgy quality of the last few.
You've been given a robot that can be trained to perform one standardized
task perfectly, as often as necessary. What do you train it to do?
Adam Hatley: Play fetch.
You are seriously ill. There are two vaccines that will save your life, but both have side effects: one will permanently eliminate your sense of taste, and the other will permanently eliminate all feeling in your genitals. Which vaccine would you choose?
Adam Hatley: I'd be sick for a while, then choose the drug that removes taste.
Somehow you've gotten into a fight with someone twice your size. Where do
you aim the first punch?
Adam Hatley: The elbow.
The "fast-forward" and "skip" buttons on all your stereo equipment are broken, and you can't afford to repair them right now. For the time being, you can only listen to albums from beginning to end, without skipping any songs. What albums in your collection are still listenable?
Adam Hatley: All of mine are completely competent recordings, thank you.
If given the perfect opportunity to be unjust, would a just person succumb
to it?
Adam Hatley: Yes.
You've somehow been given the chance to spend the day with a character
(not an actor) from any film or television program. Who do you choose?
Adam Hatley: He-Man.
If you could instantly learn to play one instrument that you don't
currently play, what would it be?
Adam Hatley: The harp.
The people of the town where you were born want to name a building after
you. They've asked you to choose the sort of building that best matches
your personality. What kind of building do you choose?
Adam Hatley: An igloo.
What month of the year do you least anticipate? Why?
Adam Hatley: August. Go to Texas and see.
What animal would you most like to house in your back yard, if you could?
Adam Hatley: A Siberian husky.
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Adam Hatley: A musician.
You've been invited to perform as the middle act in a three-act bill. You
get to choose the other two artists. Who opens for you, and who follows
you?
Adam Hatley: Iron Maiden, (and then) ZZ Top.
You've been placed in the Witness Protection Program, and must change your
name. You're able to pick your new name. What do you call yourself?
Adam Hatley: Trafton Ross Hatley.
What lesson should the world learn from the failure of all those dotcom
businesses?
Adam Hatley: Get an abacus.
What is the greatest invention of the last ten years?
Adam Hatley: Those Peabodys.
What toy from your childhood would you most like to track down now?
Adam Hatley: Castle Greyskull.
Assuming that money, legality, etc. is no object, what is your intoxicant
of choice?
Adam Hatley: Chocolate.
Which is more dangerous in the wrong hands -- guns or knowledge?
Adam Hatley: Guns.
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According to Post-Parlo Records, "Coupling the tight, pummeling riffs of AC/DC with the high freak-out factor of the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, THOSE PEABODYS are a rock band that's going to come to your town, rock like you've never been rocked before, and kick all sorts of ass along the way. Their self-titled debut full length on Post-Parlo is a 10-song snapshot of the intersection of punk rock energy, classic rock songwriting, and virtuoso precision. It's an intersection rarely seen, and should be appreciated as such."
That's more words than Adam used in all his replies put together.
-- George Zahora
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